so discouraged :(

[drgnfly82]

Hi, ok so about me...I am 32, I have a 11 year old son, I wanted to wait until the situation was "right" to have another. Right after the birth of my first son I was told my pregnancy aggravated a certain type of cancer cells inside my cervix with required me to have two leep procedures within one year. I have now 11 years later been ttc for two years, I have had all the tests done, my spouse has had his, the absolute only thing that could be found was that I have a stricture in my cervix likely from scar tissue of the surgeries. They found that during my HSG test a month n a half ago. So this month I was 4 days late(not completely uncommon for me) so on fri I took a test but when I was done peeing I noticed a bit of red so I got mad and threw the test out...went to work but didn't notice anymore red so when I got home I looked at the test...could definitely see where the positive line was with almost half of it filled in...omg I was in heaven...made love that night...next morning a bit of red but only when I wiped...took another test...nothing, no more blood the whole rest of the day so still feeling hopeful the next morning I held my pee until the drugstore opened bought a new test and took it...still nothing then a whole day of heavy blood and the next day normal period like but slowing to a stop...omg I wish I could just scream and scream and scream My bb's hurt and have hurt for days, I have been much more tired then usual and have been overly emotional the last week (cried myself to sleep at least three times) though with a close death in my spouses family it has been an emotional week anyways....anyone else out there in my situation? I am soooo tired of "walking on eggshells" every month...really thought this was the month...was it a chemical pregnancy? or was I just delusional?