So irriated at my DH...

[Christinee]

He is putting others peoples feelings in front of mine about the delivery of this baby! He cares more about how his family feels than how I feel. I don't want a bunch of people at the hospital while I have my baby. He is calling me selfish for feeling that way. I told him my feelings should be the most important and if I would rather wait until after the baby is born to have a bunch of ppl show up he should respect that. Just the thought of them sitting in the waiting room calling him every 10 minutes for updates annoys me. I don't care if that is selfish. I think he is being a real asshole for not just thinking of me and that is it right now. Who cares if they get mad that we call them after.... I am the one having the baby... Am I way off?

 

[calm81]

Lol, you sound just like me!!

In fact, I did a post about this myself. I don't want people plopping in the recovery room during my most vulnerable moments (sweaty, no make up, wobbling to restroom with stitches and bleeding in my hoo ha, the back opening of my gown exposed), and he should respect that.

Here's how I see things, If I had to wait 9 months with discomfort to meet my baby, they can wait a day or two to meet my baby after. I told my family to give me a day or two to recover from the episiotomy (sp?) that I know I will have (first two babies and I had to get cut down there) so his family can wait also.

My previous delivery, his family were bugging us for updates or were in and out of my laboring room and expecting me to be the room HOST! I'm trying to breathe through contractions and they are asking me,"how bads the contractions? will you be pushing soon? when do you expect the baby out?" ummm"get out of my room please." LOL


This may be a joyous event for the entire family, but it's still IMPORTANT HOSPITAL PROCEDURE for YOU!!! You're hubby did his part in planting the seed, how you deliver is up to YOU since you'll be the one with the pain and went through 9 months of discomfort.

Neaner neaner I say!!!

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a feminist, but our delivery, our rules.

 

[kajastarlight]

I, personally, don't have a problem with people in the waiting room or woman in the delivery room. (Just NO pictures of the baby comming out! And the only guys allowed when I am exposed are hospital personell and Hubby) BUT I think that it is crazy for anyone to expect you to do this on their terms. I hope your Hubby realizes soon that this is about making things easier and better for YOU.

 

[Christinee]

We are fighting about it a lot now that time is getting closer. He just doesn't get it... He thinks I am just being selfish. I am not.. I just don't think I should have other things to worry about that day. I don't want ppl asking for updates etc... Come see the baby later but leave me alone while I get her here.

 

[Christinee]

Maybe I'll just go to the hospital alone and have the baby and he can come be a visitor with his family since he cares more about how they feel anyway. :/

 

[Jannah K]

I told me DH and my family including in laws that I don't want anyone until day 2 at hosp and that also depends on how I feel...
my hubby is ok with visitors. ..this is our first baby n I m not sure how everything will be...I do plan to have a note on the door that all male visitors please check in at the front desk..I will also let nurse know that when I need to use washroom n feed baby, I want everyone out...I don't want more than 2 people at a given time...the two day stay at hosp is for u n baby...for u to recover n get help...N for u to bond as a family...it's okay to be selfish because it only promotes your self care. ...most imp tell nurse that you are not comfortable and they will take care of rest ...
best is to stay quiet n just let hosp staff know that you do not want anyone...if your hubby gets upset that time than its his loss...

 

[kajastarlight]

Honestly you have every right to be selfish!! This is a medical procedure for you! YOU are the one that has to endure the pain. YOU are the one who has to worry about doing this or doing that. YOU are the once who has to endure the pain... (did I say that already??? LOL well its a big deal!) If you don't want anyone ells there for that you shouldn't feel pressured into doing so! And if they can't get that through their head then they can go jump!!

Just out of curiosity, how do they feel about it?? Is he just assuming they will have a big problem with it and not want to respect your wishes?

 

[mod19]

I've also posted about this. I told my dh long ago that the only person that will be at the hospital before and a couple hours after will be him. He doesn't get it and his oy defense is "it's going to be hard to tell my family they can't come to the hospital" my god I'm not saying they can't come, I'm saying there's absolutely no reason for them to be there before anything even happens! He keeps fighting me on it and it so frickin annoying. He wants them to be able to come into the room but agrees he will be the only one in there when she's actually born. Uh, yeah, but they will not be in there before either. His family stresses me out, like yours, will be asking ridiculous questions and wanting updates and his mom is good at ways saying the wrong things and making me cry (my family is across the country and reminds me of it during any big situation where I would really like my mom present), and the last thing ill need when I'm already laying there in pain and stressed out is a situation MORE stressful. Plus, they don't need to be in there when I have nurses coming in and sticking their fingers up my crotch. Nope, not happening, no matter how much of a fit he puts up. My Dr assured me I have the final say on who and when they come in, the father has zero say in it and I can kick him out if I so choose. I'm sorry you're dealing with this too, it's so frustrating. I'm a private person (they are not) and this is a private time that will remain that way. I will allow people in the room after I have bonded with her on my chest to help with breastfeeding and after I've been able to rest and shower. If he doesn't like it tough shit.

 

[george83]

You are totally not being selfish, it is a major thing for a woman to go through and your oh should grow up and respect that. Why would you his family there when your going through such a personal thing. I agree with your second last post - I'd rather have the baby on my own than with somebody who wasn't supportive of my needs

 

[greats]

I totally get how you feel, trust me I do bc I had similar arguments with my husband when I had my daughter. But you also have to remember that you wouldn't even be having this baby without your husband. I think you guys need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about this. He might be nervous and just wanting his family there. Yes you're the one having this baby but it's his baby, too.

Maybe both of you need to come up with a plan for visitors. If you don't want people in the labor and delivery room that's fine, but you really can't make people not come to wait in the waiting room. If they want to waste their time waiting around for hours, that's on them lol

Then maybe have visitors come the next day? Have a designated time that way you can be ready if you want your makeup on, etc. We had visitors come the day after delivery so that we had alone time with baby and also so that I could take my time showering, etc.

 

[JenStar1976]

We didn't tell anyone when labour started. Once Alex was born, then we started calling immediate family. He was born at home at 10pm and we had our first visitors after lunch the following day. I needed time to get myself sorted after stitches etc and was exhausted. Bearing in mind that from that moment on, our lives were revolving around this new baby, the least we could do for ourselves was have a bit of private time together. x

 

[Jannah K]

My dh wanted his mom to accompany me instead of him...I told him u want your mom to see me naked? I a m like if I can't have my mom over how can I have your mom over...it just happens that he is nervous and doesn't know what's involved...I told him he just needs to hold my hand n rest medical staff n I will do...N at the end of day if he is still uncomfy, he can go sit in waiting area but that doesn't mean I will have someone else with me..this is a private moment!!
I agree about visiting hours on day once you are ready...my baby will have circumcision too day 2 so I have to keep that in mind as well plus I wanna shower and not be in gown...n I heard day 1 you are bleeding too much and might not be comfortable having ppl ard..

 

[JenStar1976]

The other thing to bear in mind is that if you decide to breast feed, then this takes time and practice and the last thing you need is a whole bunch of people wanting to hold your baby when it's your time for that special bonding with skin to skin and feeding. x

 

[Jannah K]

[That's a great idea!!

QUOTE=JenStar1976;35000879]We didn't tell anyone when labour started. Once Alex was born, then we started calling immediate family. He was born at home at 10pm and we had our first visitors after lunch the following day. I needed time to get myself sorted after stitches etc and was exhausted. Bearing in mind that from that moment on, our lives were revolving around this new baby, the least we could do for ourselves was have a bit of private time together. x[/QUOTE]

 

[butterflywolf]

I feel the same. Last time we didn't tell anyone we were in labor except for my parents (they watched my dogs for us) and my SIL and that is only because she was my Doula. This go around will be the same. Plus it'd be real nice if I go into labor when I did last time. Went into labor at 9 at night so kind of late to call people anyone XD And had baby at 8 in the morning. So worked nice.

However, this go around I told DH that if I hemorrhage again bad, NO ONE is allowed to visit us in the hospital. I was just too weak and tired and I just couldn't deal with anyone. (2 liters of blood loss). But if I don't and I feel fine afterwards, then by all means I'll be happy to have visitors.

 

[Christinee]

Honestly you have every right to be selfish!! This is a medical procedure for you! YOU are the one that has to endure the pain. YOU are the one who has to worry about doing this or doing that. YOU are the once who has to endure the pain... (did I say that already??? LOL well its a big deal!) If you don't want anyone ells there for that you shouldn't feel pressured into doing so! And if they can't get that through their head then they can go jump!!

Just out of curiosity, how do they feel about it?? Is he just assuming they will have a big problem with it and not want to respect your wishes?

His mom already called him and told him to call her as soon as we know I'm having the baby. I already know it's so she can go sit there and wait. I'm not sure how they feel about it but i think she might take it the wrong way... Thats why id rather just not tell anyone anything until afterwards.

 

[marielou11]

My DH wanted our family there when our first was born. He said I should at least have my Mum there but I refused. I think he realised why after the birth lol, he didn't even ask the next time. I just liked having time with the baby just me and him.. I wouldn't want to share cuddles after he'd just been born!!

it's not selfish at all x

 

[Christinee]

I totally get how you feel, trust me I do bc I had similar arguments with my husband when I had my daughter. But you also have to remember that you wouldn't even be having this baby without your husband. I think you guys need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about this. He might be nervous and just wanting his family there. Yes you're the one having this baby but it's his baby, too.

Maybe both of you need to come up with a plan for visitors. If you don't want people in the labor and delivery room that's fine, but you really can't make people not come to wait in the waiting room. If they want to waste their time waiting around for hours, that's on them lol

Then maybe have visitors come the next day? Have a designated time that way you can be ready if you want your makeup on, etc. We had visitors come the day after delivery so that we had alone time with baby and also so that I could take my time showering, etc.

My main thing is I don't want ppl in the waiting room bugging every 5 minutes for updates. I also want some sort of window after I have the baby where I don't have to see ppl right away..

 

[kajastarlight]

I just wondered because I know that my Mom will want to be there BUT if I tell her no then she will respect my wishes. His Mom too! They may not like it but you don't always get what you want!!!

 

[mrs_park]

You are far from selfish.

Studies show that labour progresses better in dim, quiet rooms where mother feels safe and calm. Knowing a room full of people are there can make you feel stressed and anxious which is the opposite of what you want/need in labour.

Also, you need the time to recover and bond with baby. Its not fair on the baby to be passed around like a game of pass the parcel moments after birth. Baby should be with YOU. I read a post the other day about babies first 60 minutes after birth and how they are so alert, with eyes open wide, looking at mum. They are also learning your smell and its overwhelming for them to be passed around. Its the beginning of bonding and very important for you both.

Sorry for the long post, I'm very passionate about supporting mums during labour, I am training to be a doula when my babies are all a bit bigger.