So irriated at my DH...

[Christinee]

You are far from selfish.

Studies show that labour progresses better in dim, quiet rooms where mother feels safe and calm. Knowing a room full of people are there can make you feel stressed and anxious which is the opposite of what you want/need in labour.

Also, you need the time to recover and bond with baby. Its not fair on the baby to be passed around like a game of pass the parcel moments after birth. Baby should be with YOU. I read a post the other day about babies first 60 minutes after birth and how they are so alert, with eyes open wide, looking at mum. They are also learning your smell and its overwhelming for them to be passed around. Its the beginning of bonding and very important for you both.

Sorry for the long post, I'm very passionate about supporting mums during labour, I am training to be a doula when my babies are all a bit bigger.

Exactly, and just the thought of them in the waiting room waiting stresses me out. So I can imagine it would bother me when it really does happen.

I am going to go for a long walk tonight..... In hopes I can go into labor a little early. As of now, if I don't go into labor by March 9th naturally I'll be having a c-section on that day. So I am hoping I go into labor before that on my own.

 

[RubysMommy]

You are not being selfish! Labor is hard work and you don't need any distractions from other people.

My inlaws live about 5 hours away and dd was their first grand baby. They needed DH to call them as soon as I was in labor. I didn't think much of it at the time, but we won't be doing it the same way this time. They got to the hospital right as I was pushing. Thank god the nurses didn't allow them in the room! I maybe got a half an hour of holding dd before they came in and my mil needed her turn. And held her for over an hour! I am still very irritated with the whole situation almost 16 months later. And every time we see them since I've been pregnant again, they say don't forget to call them as soon as I'm in labor again. I just nod my heAd and tell DH they can find out after baby is here and we've had some alone time.

 

[Christinee]

Thanks ladies for your encouraging words. I am hoping to be able to give vaginally a try this time.... I will just have more control all around if I can.. If I go into labor unexpectedly then i have the control to tell him to just wait on calling ppl. lol If there is a date set i don't see that happening. Plus I want the less recovery time and hospital stay if its possible. I guess we will see how it goes. Hopefully he starts understanding my side soon. Hopefully we can come to a happy medium.

 

[Christinee]

Let's put it this way.... I thought I went into labor early a couple weeks back. We rushed to the hospital at 3AM and while I was getting checked out he was about to send a group text to his whole family..... I was like dude chill we don't even know what's going on. LOL.. I know he's excited but I just need him to make sure I am comfortable before he makes sure his family is while i deliver this baby.. I am really nervous. It's been years since I had my first daughter and so its like doing it all over again. I don't need the extra pressure of extra ppl being involved.

 

[Larkspur]

Tell him to go sit somewhere quietly, close his eyes, and imagine - really imagine - spending several hours trying to push a football and a beef fillet out of his ass, in between possibly throwing up, shitting himself and having to be stitched up afterwards.

Then ask him how many members of your family he'd like to have in attendance during that time.

 

[mod19]

You are far from selfish.

Studies show that labour progresses better in dim, quiet rooms where mother feels safe and calm. Knowing a room full of people are there can make you feel stressed and anxious which is the opposite of what you want/need in labour.

Also, you need the time to recover and bond with baby. Its not fair on the baby to be passed around like a game of pass the parcel moments after birth. Baby should be with YOU. I read a post the other day about babies first 60 minutes after birth and how they are so alert, with eyes open wide, looking at mum. They are also learning your smell and its overwhelming for them to be passed around. Its the beginning of bonding and very important for you both.

Sorry for the long post, I'm very passionate about supporting mums during labour, I am training to be a doula when my babies are all a bit bigger.

Thanks for the extra ammo!

 

[Zephram]

It really doesn't matter if your OH gets upset about it. He has zero say in who comes in your delivery room and to visit you after the baby is born. Whilst you're in hospital, you're the patient and you have the final word. It's such an intensely private, vulnerable and personal time that if you want to have no visitors then your OH is just going to have to suck it up and get over it. Seriously.

I had no one there whilst I was in labour. Baby was born at 11:27pm, so too late visitors, but the next day my OH had been telling his random family members that they could visit and what room I was in, without telling me they were coming and my BIL walked in while I was basically naked, tits hanging out, attempting to breastfeed a screaming baby. I really felt quite violated and I'm not sure I've even expressed now to my OH how annoyed I still am over the whole thing. This time I will be having no visitors without my express say so and probably not for at least 24 hours after the birth.

 

[brooklinn]

It's amazing to me how many of us have the same issue. I don't want anyone other than OH there while I'm in labor, and I really don't want any visitors until I've had a chance to clean up and nurse baby, etc. However, we live with in-laws right now and his mother has decided she is going to be there for the birth, no matter what. I'm hoping I go into labor while she's at work so we can escape. I know I have the final say on who is in the room with me, but I'm hoping to avoid having her kicked out of L&D. That would just make everything awkward from there on.

 

[Christinee]

It's amazing to me how many of us have the same issue. I don't want anyone other than OH there while I'm in labor, and I really don't want any visitors until I've had a chance to clean up and nurse baby, etc. However, we live with in-laws right now and his mother has decided she is going to be there for the birth, no matter what. I'm hoping I go into labor while she's at work so we can escape. I know I have the final say on who is in the room with me, but I'm hoping to avoid having her kicked out of L&D. That would just make everything awkward from there on.

Wow I would be telling her already that's not going to happen. MIL's can be so annoying!! lol

I am sure even if she is at work, she'll be home in time to show up at the hospital thinking she's going to be in there with you.

I had to kick my dad out with my first baby. He got so mad but that was just weird to me. LOL

 

[SAmummy]

I would hate having people in there ! In SA hospitals no one is allowed in labour ward beside hubby/birth partner. I think it's a great way to,protect a persons privacy as well as it making it easier for the nurses not to have to deal with loads of people in and out.

Even after the birth, our maternity ward has very strict visiting hrs ... Only 2 slots of 1hr each so,you get plenty of time to bond and recover.

I like it like that, but then I suppose each to their own. I hope you manage to come to an agreement

 

[jeoestreich]

You can tell your nurses that you don't want any visitors. My nurses were really good about asking if I wanted visitors or not when I was in labor.

 

[Button#]

That would really stress me out, so glad that couldn't happen here. I think you need to sit your OH down and explain to him that selfish or not labour is a big deal and you need to not be stressed as it could be bad for you and the baby. If he carries on with fighting you on it I would tell him he can't be there either because you're not going to go through labour while he's having a strop about his family not being there, you need to focus on what you're doing and that goes for after the birth as well. Fortunately you do have the final say oer who is there as you are the patient so it's really unnecessary for him to stress you out by fighting you on it.

With DS I went into labour at 3.30am so obviously we didn't tell anyone I was in labour until about 8 o clock, luckily everyone lived about 4 hours away and they didn't come to visit until I was out of the hospital.

 

[mummytobe_93]

That's ridiculous. In the UK they don't even allow anyone to do this

Honestly why would people want to wait anyway? It takes hours and hours! Also what happens (touch wood) if you ended up in a c section you wouldn't want them all there.

I completely get the phone calls my oh was on the phone constantly to people and it really annoyed me. I'm banning phones this time!

Anyway, you're the one giving birth so it's your choice and not his. You can tell the hospital that you don't want anyone waiting for you. Your husband should ultimately respect your decision it's not a massive family event you're the one going through it not them.
Do you think his parents or family could be putting pressure on him about it? X

 

[mod19]

I'm pretty jealous of you guys whose countries don't allow people to come into the room or wait. I wish it was like that here...then so many of us wouldn't be having this problem.

 

[Jannah K]

If dH n in laws interfere when you are in labor, they will continue their interference even after...best is to take stand and be selfish as its promote self care for u n the baby...
tell hosp staff n they r trained for this...
during my maternity tour, the guide kept discouraging visitors layer my dh was annoyed and I m like well not all dh understands how private that moment is...N its really my day n I will not want anyone day1...N will think about day2...I get paranoid ppl holding baby before immunization. ..but I have been training dh all throughouy..like I m not going to inlaws, they got flu...Baby n I can't get sick...or I don't want to travel far I want to be near my hospital...
to be honest, men don't get it...the more u show u r irritaTed they won't hear u...try to explain to him in a calm collective manner..if it helps write it out so u keep your n his focus ...

 

[Triocd]

I agree, and at the end of the day, most nurses will do what YOU say, so you have the final word on who visits when. Give him some time, he's probably getting pressure from all sides about it!

 

[xMissxZoiex]

I'm not having anyone waiting around the hospital! I do not care a single bit if other people don't like it. The only people I'm going to tell I'm even in labor is my parents as my dad is driving me to the hospital so I don't have to pay the extortionate parking prices for 2 days + everyone else will get told once he's born. Even then it's immediate family only at the hospital on my say so I want the first few hours of skin to skin and having that first precious breast feed without feeling pressurised to let family have cuddles.

My birth my rules

 

[Diana3]

Oh Christine, I totally understand you! I don't want anyone other than my husband present in the room or even waiting room when I'm giving birth. You and your comfort are the most important and your wishes as a new mom should be respected. Maybe I'd like my sister there a few hours after giving birth, depending on how I feel, but definitely no other relatives. What's the big deal to them to wait until the next day? They should try to understand you and respect your wishes.

 

[Starlight34]

I have made it clear I don't want anyone in the delivery room except my DH and medical personnel. DH said I won't be able to stop family from coming to the hospital, but at least they will stay out of the room until I am ready for visitors. I don't want an audience, thank you very much.
It's your right to request that no one be in the room that you don't want there at that time. This is my first baby, and for me personally, I feel that childbirth is a very private thing.