So jealous!

[Timetotry]

People we know just had a baby, another friend is due any day, another due next month.
I'm sitting here popping birth control pills, recovering from ovarian drilling. Waiting for my next appointment in a couple weeks and ivf in a month or two. Why is time going so slooooow?
I don't think I have ever been as jealous as I feel right now. I'm happy for my friends, but block their Facebook updates, pictures etc, skip parties and gatherings. Every picture makes me feel so depressed and anxious. And left out.

How do you ladies handle the jealousy?

 

[amanda1235]

I completely understand how you feel! After one failed IVF and one failed FET, I found out 2 of my best friends are 3 months pregnant. One on their first month trying, and the other by "accident", as they hadn't even fully decided they wanted a second. A third friend is trying, and I'm absolutely terrified she'll get pregnant before me also. Then, in the day I found out my third cycle failed, another best friend went into labour and gave birth to her daughter. I'm trying so hard to be happy for them, but all I feel is sad for me, and misguided anger that they are all having such an easy time of it. I had to stop going in Facebook over Christmas because of all the "look how happy my beautiful little family is" posts, and the "the only thing better than being a kid in Christmas is having kids in Christmas" posts. It's too hard to see them, so I also blocked a couple people.
Unfortunately I can only share in your feelings, and vent with you, as I have not yet found an appropriate way to deal with it.
I also don't want to be a bad friend, so I try to suck it up and listen to them, but really avoidance has been my default.
Totally sucks, and totally unfair, but at least we're not alone.

P.S. Does your hubby get it at least? Mine doesn't understand why other people being pregnant would bother me.

 

[Timetotry]

Hugs!
I know what you mean. The holidays are so hard. It feels like everyone is rubbing it in, how great their family is and how wonderful being parents is. Ugh.
I have to force myself to behave like the pre-infertility me when it comes to some of the big events, but I can total tell that if you look me in the eyes, I'm just not 100% there. Going through the motions.
The self pity is so hard to keep control of! And it's so hard when cycles fail. I'm sorry yours haven't been successful yet.
This will be our first ivf, Im so anxious to get started!

My husband does get it, to some extent. He doesn't feel the same way, but understands why I feel the way I do. I know it bothers him too, and he will make the occasional comment about someone else getting pregnant but he tends to be much stronger then me emotionally

 

[KatO79]

Yep, same here! Although luckily no one I know is TTC or is pregnant. But I do have certain family members shoving kid pictures all over their FB so I've actually unfollowed them (plus due to the fact they're highly selfish and abusive people towards me, the family scapegoat despite being the youngest sibling). They're showing zero support and understanding despite the fact my narcissistic brother and his wife needed numerous IVFs and FETs to have their daughter and my narcissistic sister needed help conceiving #2 (Clomid worked the 2nd or 3rd time). They're both posting lots and lots of pics because of the holidays

About 95% of DH's friends have 1-2 kids and they basically never want to see us, maybe once a year if we're lucky but the vast majority of them have no idea DH and I are struggling

To make things worse my 1st IVF resulted in a CP (found out on the 10th this month when I went in for my beta) and 0 frosties (my 2 other embies didn't make the cut). Only my narcissistic mother and my wonderful in-laws know though. FYI I'll be doing IVF #2 in January, short protocol this time as long protocol suppressed me way too much

I'm not sure the best way to cope either. Maybe if any of your pregnant friends complain about their pregnancy you can say you're not the best person to discuss it with seeing as how you're struggling? As to FB that's a bit easier as you can always unfollow people and just check in every few days when you feel you can better cope and like some of the children/baby pics. As to parties, maybe only go if it's family or very close friends and say no to everyone else? I saw a great suggestion once that if it isn't a close friend, you can say no to e.g. Christenings but offer to take them out somewhere another day e.g. for a nice dinner to celebrate. If someone you're talking to over the phone talks too much maybe politely excuse yourself and say you have to go but will talk to them another day?

 

[Jillie89]

2 years ago that was me! Had been on clomid, had ovarian drilling and was sitting back counting down days to next drs appointments or cycle days. It was so hard and long! Seeing almost every other person around me fall pregnant so easily and here I was at 22 trying and trying everything and failing each time. Spending all our hard earned money on fertility treatments while friends of ours were planning and going on holidays. I was so jealous! We wanted kids more than anything so we knew we had to do what we had to do. I would burst into tears seeing babies or just walking through the baby sections at shops. I would get angry seeing peoples kids and them having everything I wanted.

One strange coping mechanism I had was to tell myself that every female in the WORLD was already pregnant. That way if someone announced, I had already processed it. Made it just that little bit easier to cope.

Since that time, hubby and I did IVF. First round failed. I was a mess. I broke down. I just wanted to die. If I could not have kids, I did not want to live life. Having kids was always what I wanted in my life. I sought counselling and we tried again. Second round worked but I miscarried. I was heartbroken and angry. More time and money wasted and my body was destroying any ‘baby’ that was put in me. I was also determined to have a baby! 3rd cycle I geared myself up for another failure, however… it was a success!… I had my daughter in 2014. We decided to go back and try IVF again. 4th cycle is now my 7 week old son.

Just over 2 years ago I never would have thought that I would be a mum, let alone to 2! It was a horrible time and place to be in, but it made me and my relationship with my husband stronger. We don’t take anything for granted anymore. Each time we look at our babies we know just how much we fought for them, gave up for them and appreciate them. They are truly miracles to us.

Someone once told me, if you want to be a mum, you will be. Sometime, in someway. Our stories are just written differently. Never give up! I wish you all the best! Always here to listen to as well.

 

[1nceUponATime]

I feel you, honestly there's no clear cut way to handle the jealously. Nearly all of our friends have kids, and at that they have more than one, some have three! I just wanted to yell at people all the time "can't everyone just wait until I have one!" Most of them got pregnant by accident or on their first month of trying. I had to take a break from some of them during certain times because of course they know nothing about reproduction despite having kids and tell me to "just relax" or "it'll happen when it's meant to". I wanted to be like if relaxing could fix my ovaries I would have a bunch of kids right now, no, medicine will help my ovaries.... But sigh.... You just can't go that route with those people without looking crazy. Mainly I would complain to my DH and he would tell me life isn't a competition, their happiness doesn't mean we can't be happy too. While I have to admit the jealously doesn't really go away, I would remind myself of all the reasons I love DH and how supportive he was, and I gave myself reasons to be happy without kids. Oh and I spent more time with people who didn't have any kids. People who had it so easy getting pregnant really don't get it, and it's not their fault, they are ignorant and kinda have no reason to get educated. But I think they really do care, they just don't understand.

Remind yourself everyday that you WILL be a momma. It might just take you a little longer to get there, but think about how much you will appreciate your kids preciousness, and love them knowing how hard it was to get them. You WILL get there girl, chin up!