SO Making Me Feel Like Crap

Chiochick

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
264
Reaction score
20
So, I'm just barely pregnant.
We planned this baby.
I've been exhausted and napping for most of the afternoon. I don't plan to sleep. I literally sit down and crash.
I'm at home with my other two LOs, 4 and 5.
He works all day.
Lately I haven't been keeping up with housework because I've been sleeping a lot and overwhelmed.
He is so pissed at me.
He comes home and just projects disappointment.
It's making me feel completely unsupported.
I tried explaining that I'm exhausted from the pregnancy but he tells me it's just an excuse.
He's not a terrible guy by any means but I just feel completely unsupported.
I get he works all day while I'm currently not working so there are things he expects from me but I'm struggling.
And it's not like I expect him to do any of it, and he DOESN'T do any of it and never has.
Ugh! I broke down today and he just looked at me then turned on the tv.
Am I overreacting?
 
My hubby was a litte insensitive in the beginning (ours is a planned baby too) and it took him some time to develop empathy towards me as I was being such a biotch at first as I was super moody. He has since adjusted and has heard enough of my struggle this pregnancy that he gets it and has been nothing but wonderful for many weeks now. There's adjustments for sure with early pregnancy. Hopefully your SO will warm up with time. I wonder if the realization factor of a baby on the way gets them a little riled up too at first. I don't think you are overreacting by being upset, but I do think you should give him some time and he could come around. :hugs:
 
I'm sorry hun. The first trimester is already so hard to get through without having the extra stress of arguing. I hope he comes around.:hugs::hugs:
 
I think men can struggle to understand how hard the first trimester can be as baby is so small. I also find that even women who haven't been pregnant for awhile can forget the struggles and be insensitive - my mum had five but still gets annoyed if I'm tired or a bit hormonal and patronisingly tells me 'You're pregnant, not ill!'. We may not be sick or ill, but pg can make you feel pretty damn miserable at times!
My husband has mostly been good, but he has his moments and I'm sure he thinks I'm milking it at times (I'm NOT). He doesn't understand pg from a personal viewpoint, and he also has no experience of hypothyroidism and anaemia, and certainly not all three at the same time, so he's not really in a position to say how well I should or shouldn't feel lol.
As for your SO, he's probably feeling a little overwhelmed at the minute and just being insensitive as he's not going through it himself, in the same way people think depressed people should be able to 'pull themselves together' because they don't look ill. Try not to get too upset, but also don't push yourself to do more than you can manage. Look after you and your baby and do what you can when you're feeling more energetic and productive :hugs: xxxxxx
 
I sympathise hun.
I work two jobs and have 3 kids from previous relationship and am now 11+1 with number 4.
I do it all! He doesn't work or do anything and still his lack of understanding and sympathy is nil, he just doesn't get it!
He compared pregnancy with his bowel movements!
I think with some men it's just a complete lack of knowledge of what we really go through, I sent him links of what we go through and I think he's possibly getting glimpses that it is actually really hard work. X
 
Totally not overreacting. Sometimes even the best SO need a lesson on compassion and empathy. My best advice is to talk to him and finish the conversation with books for dads. If he isn't a reader take him to your next appointment and have the DR tell him. Sometime they just need to hear it from the horses mouth that this is normal. Between pregnancies they can forget and if it's your first with him then he'll really be in the shadows about it all. Even us women can forget what pregnancy demands of us. I would say a good talking to, some reading alone or together and a visit to the doctors should get him on board!

Hugs and good luck. Sorry it's so rough right now.
 
Sorry he's making you feel like crap. Like the pp's have said he needs to have a little empathy! In the mean time are you able to get your hemoglobin & iron tested? There may be a very good reason on top of pregnancy for your tiredness. I was borderline anemic going into this pregnancy and quickly changed that as it can kick your butt if pregnant too. It's super important to take supements if you are anemic as it has long term reprocussions on baby's brain development.
I hope you feel better soon, and I hope you're DH's attitude turns around!
 
Thank you all for your responses. I agree that it's just so early and I don't "look" pregnant so he doesn't understand that my body is changing so much already. This is his first baby, my 3rd.
I think my meltdown just needed to stew in his head for a bit because he has tried to be more comforting.
It's just upsetting because on top of that, most of my family has been pretty unsupportive and upset about this.
My first appointment isn't until Aug 18th as Dr won't see me til after 8 weeks but I've been taking one a day prenatals on my own since we've been TTCing
My iron was crap with my last pregnancies so I'm trying to stay on top of it.
I think he'll dote a bit more when I've got a bump and he can see its real.

Moom7900, hypothyroidism, anemia, and baby? That must be awful! Hoping for a happy, healthy rest of your pregnancy. :hugs:

Lorpezlza, you are a true Superwoman. *bows down*
 
I agree that a lot of OH's (mine included) find it difficult to appreciate how hard first tri can be. I don't even really get sick, just nausea, but I'm tired, waking up for at least an hour every night. I'm also totally distracted! I can't help but constantly worry about the baby and pregnancy, and so I am forgetful and distant at times.

When I'm in 2nd/3rd tri and feeling fine but showing, he treats me with kid gloves! I even told him this time it's this first couple of months I need the most help and understanding, but he just doesn't seem to get it.

I find if we talk we end up arguing. If I write it in a message to him, it works so much better. I hope you find a way to get more understanding from your OH :hugs:
 
The first trimester is absolutely dreadful, I'd rather be the size I am now for 6 months than ever go through another 2st tri. Men have no idea.
 
I hate 1st tri I have zero energy but we have been trying for this child for 9 years and our other child is 12 so my hubby couldn't be more supportive..I don't feel guilty falling asleep at 5pm in the day I can't actually clean the kitchen because the smell of food makes me gag!! You take as much time as you need your body needs rest and he should understand that you can't help it..if men could get pregnant we wouldn't have any kids :haha:
 
...if men could get pregnant we wouldn't have any kids :haha:

Isn't this the truth.

My colleague at work only had 1 child with her DH. At 3 months old he hasn't helped her with the baby at all. She packed up all of her ,after its stuff and have it away. They had dinner that evening and she announced fed to him that she wasn't having anymore kids with him. He asked her ' don't you think we should discuss this decision together?' She said no, you don't give yourself a vote in the conversation when you leave me at home to be a single mom. She does all the cleaning, cooking and tending to baby. He comes home and plays video games. I thought that was fair! and for a passive quiet little lady it was a brave thing to do to stand up to her DH like that. He started helping around the house but 4 years later they still don't have anymore kids so she stuck to her guns!
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,206
Messages
27,141,606
Members
255,678
Latest member
lynnedm78
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"
<-- Admiral -->