babytots
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I never thought I would post in here but I guess I need to stop being in denial and face my feelings.
Bit of history I have 2 beautiful girls, following that I had 2 miscarriages and lost my 3rd girl at 19 weeks. I then went on to have two gorgeous boys but there was always a part of me that hoped we would have another girl in the future not to replace the daughter we lost but to get back what we should have had with her iykwim.
So last year I managed to convince DH to try for another on the given that after baby was born he would have the snip. We got pregnant quite quickly but lost the baby couple of cycles later and I got pregnant again.
Which brings us to now. From the get go I was convinced it was a girl my symptoms were exactly the same as my girl pregnancies and mothers instinct just told me I was having a daughter. I was stupid to get m hopes up as I had a gender scan this week and the sonographer told me he was a boy.
I'm just full of so many emotions right now and not sure how to deal with them. My angels due date is next month and I keep torturing myself wondering if that baby was our girl. The month after it's our daughters anniversary and I feel so robbed of not having another daughter. With DH having the snip there is no chance of trying again and I know in my heart of hearts that I couldn't try for a girl incase it was a boy and went through all these feelings again.
I feel like the grieve for my angels and what might have been is taking away from any excitement or bonding with this baby and it makes me feel extremely guilty. I haven't told DH or any of my friends how I'm feeling as I know they won't understand.
I had everything planned out for a girl what name she would have, what pram I would buy and what bedding I would purchase etc. we have no boys names we both agree on, the pram I liked for a boy has been discontinued and I can't find any nice bedding or clothes for him. I just want to be able to bond with him and being able to shop for him would help with that.
Sorry for my ramblings I just needed to write it down. I'm so so happy that he a healthy as that's all that really matters in the end. I just wish I could get past this grieve that being an angel mummy brings x
Bit of history I have 2 beautiful girls, following that I had 2 miscarriages and lost my 3rd girl at 19 weeks. I then went on to have two gorgeous boys but there was always a part of me that hoped we would have another girl in the future not to replace the daughter we lost but to get back what we should have had with her iykwim.
So last year I managed to convince DH to try for another on the given that after baby was born he would have the snip. We got pregnant quite quickly but lost the baby couple of cycles later and I got pregnant again.
Which brings us to now. From the get go I was convinced it was a girl my symptoms were exactly the same as my girl pregnancies and mothers instinct just told me I was having a daughter. I was stupid to get m hopes up as I had a gender scan this week and the sonographer told me he was a boy.
I'm just full of so many emotions right now and not sure how to deal with them. My angels due date is next month and I keep torturing myself wondering if that baby was our girl. The month after it's our daughters anniversary and I feel so robbed of not having another daughter. With DH having the snip there is no chance of trying again and I know in my heart of hearts that I couldn't try for a girl incase it was a boy and went through all these feelings again.
I feel like the grieve for my angels and what might have been is taking away from any excitement or bonding with this baby and it makes me feel extremely guilty. I haven't told DH or any of my friends how I'm feeling as I know they won't understand.
I had everything planned out for a girl what name she would have, what pram I would buy and what bedding I would purchase etc. we have no boys names we both agree on, the pram I liked for a boy has been discontinued and I can't find any nice bedding or clothes for him. I just want to be able to bond with him and being able to shop for him would help with that.
Sorry for my ramblings I just needed to write it down. I'm so so happy that he a healthy as that's all that really matters in the end. I just wish I could get past this grieve that being an angel mummy brings x