So many thoughts and concerns.

[BethMaassen]

Sorry, my phone seems to have eaten the second part of my last post?? Anyway, it ended up looking like I was pushing home birth on you. I wanted to say home or hospital has its advantages its really important to be where you feel most comfortable. Going for a HB without feeling comfortable with the idea isn't going to help. Either way inform yourself and don't be afraid to say what you want. Just because something is "hospital policy" doesn't mean you can't make a different choice. At any point during the labour you have the right to decide on what you will refuse or accept. One tip I liked was when ever an intervention is suggested that you are not sure about ask if you can have 10 mins to think about it. If they say yes it isn't an emergency and can probably wait longer. Sometimes just being patient and waiting a little longer will mean intervention is no longer needed.

I will definitely look into every option for both. I would be very much open to the idea of a home birth. I always dreamed of one. But because I am terrified of uterine rupture, and being for far from the hospital, I rather just be there.

But you are right, if something is suggested, and not important, I will not feel pressed to say yes. I am going to discuss everything with me doula. And she will do everything she can.

Thank you though for adding, it did seem that way. I am glad you added the rest of your post.

 

[Earthylove]

Hi Beth, sorry to hear about the trauma and anxiety you've been dealing with. It's great to see you taking a proactive approach to learn, grow and heal from your experiences. I definitely agree with the others who say Ina Mae Gaskin is great. She really is, I'm a fan of her writings/teachings. one suggestion I have is to look into "bypnobabies" as a method/technique to use in labor. There's another one called "hypnobirthing" but that's different from what I'm talking about. I'm planning to use hypnobabies when the time comes and even found a class they offer in my area. It's supposed to be really great for managing stress, anxiety and pain through relaxation/ hypnosis techniques. Have a look and see what you think of it!

 

[pennymarie]

Hi Beth!

I was just reading through, and I haven't gotten to the end quite yet. But a few things I just wanted I say. My birth story was traumatic to me too, and mine (not saying yours) was fueled by significant other. I have previous anxiety; always have.
But it seems that the birth of my daughter has heightened with concern to her.
Like the being away from her etc. As of now I don't want to ever have another natural child because it is a form of PTSD for me. So having your daughter with you sounds like an amazing idea. For so many reasons

One of your fears is not dilating quick enough, nipple stimulation (breastfeeding!!!) will help this!! It will lead your body to make the natural version of pitocin!!!

Also the comment about your husband and if you possibly don't split by then. It made it seem like there are other issues? That either through sarcasm or not taking the last birth seriously, he belittled you or the situation, which was not helpful.
Personally I am in the most co-dependent relationship I can imagine. I cannot do anything without my husband. He was beyond terrible. Beyond anything during my labor. And I put up with it WHILE in active labor because I did not have anyone else. Just a nurse. I was so scared to be by myself. Well in the end I kicked him out. I just couldn't take him yelling at me anyway. So right before I made 10cm he was out the door. So I don't know if you would consider either laying down some boundaries, or just preventing anything happening. But you shall have a doula and friend and daughter!! So idk if that helps

Also, like I said I have anxiety. And personally I don't take meds. And I believe that the quickest way to make the situation worse is to belittle that person. And tell them to quit being ridiculous or being dismissed.

After seeing a couple of other ladies on here with the same issue I think I'm going to start an anxiety thread. I think talking and going through all your fears one by one, even if it's over and over again is best. I did a lot of imagery to help with my hysterics and pain attacks

And I have a couple of blank coloring books if money is tight ! I've made copies and given them to friends


Point being this whole forum is amazing for anxiety and I couldn't have made it through without it!!

 

[pennymarie]

Ps

What NDH said about no growth scans I 100% agree with. The mind is an amazing thing. And I believe one of the stories in Ina Mae's book is about a woman who was told her child was too big. She would need a c-section. So she developed a mantra for herself. That she would repeat everyday whenever she could. Whenever she was fearful. That she would "open up". That she would accommodate this baby. That her body knew she could. She knew her body could. And she delivered a 9lb something baby naturally.

Ina Mae has two books, she has another called Spiritual midwifery too. If you're interested

 

[BethMaassen]

Hi Beth, sorry to hear about the trauma and anxiety you've been dealing with. It's great to see you taking a proactive approach to learn, grow and heal from your experiences. I definitely agree with the others who say Ina Mae Gaskin is great. She really is, I'm a fan of her writings/teachings. one suggestion I have is to look into "bypnobabies" as a method/technique to use in labor. There's another one called "hypnobirthing" but that's different from what I'm talking about. I'm planning to use hypnobabies when the time comes and even found a class they offer in my area. It's supposed to be really great for managing stress, anxiety and pain through relaxation/ hypnosis techniques. Have a look and see what you think of it!

Hypnobabies?
I will google it. Thank you.

 

[BethMaassen]

Hi Beth!

I was just reading through, and I haven't gotten to the end quite yet. But a few things I just wanted I say. My birth story was traumatic to me too, and mine (not saying yours) was fueled by significant other. I have previous anxiety; always have.
But it seems that the birth of my daughter has heightened with concern to her.
Like the being away from her etc. As of now I don't want to ever have another natural child because it is a form of PTSD for me. So having your daughter with you sounds like an amazing idea. For so many reasons

One of your fears is not dilating quick enough, nipple stimulation (breastfeeding!!!) will help this!! It will lead your body to make the natural version of pitocin!!!

Also the comment about your husband and if you possibly don't split by then. It made it seem like there are other issues? That either through sarcasm or not taking the last birth seriously, he belittled you or the situation, which was not helpful.
Personally I am in the most co-dependent relationship I can imagine. I cannot do anything without my husband. He was beyond terrible. Beyond anything during my labor. And I put up with it WHILE in active labor because I did not have anyone else. Just a nurse. I was so scared to be by myself. Well in the end I kicked him out. I just couldn't take him yelling at me anyway. So right before I made 10cm he was out the door. So I don't know if you would consider either laying down some boundaries, or just preventing anything happening. But you shall have a doula and friend and daughter!! So idk if that helps

Also, like I said I have anxiety. And personally I don't take meds. And I believe that the quickest way to make the situation worse is to belittle that person. And tell them to quit being ridiculous or being dismissed.

After seeing a couple of other ladies on here with the same issue I think I'm going to start an anxiety thread. I think talking and going through all your fears one by one, even if it's over and over again is best. I did a lot of imagery to help with my hysterics and pain attacks

And I have a couple of blank coloring books if money is tight ! I've made copies and given them to friends


Point being this whole forum is amazing for anxiety and I couldn't have made it through without it!!

My husband and I have a lot of issues. Verging on, if not actually emotional and mental abuse on his part. We have had a big fight recently, in which I have said I want a divorce. And I mean it I do. But he asked for a chance to correct his behaviour and change, and I have yet to see it happen nearing 2 weeks later.

He is unsupportive and lazy. And whilst in labor with our daughter he did nothing but complain and argue with my nurses. And something I left out, unintentionally, but when being questioned or whatever, and I looked to him to help me decide, like when my doctor discussed a cesarean, he basically told me "I don't know, do what you think is best" which offered no support, especially in my state at the time.

I am prepared this time to kick him out of the delivery room if he misbehaves. And I am sure my doula would back me up. I am also considering having my mother and sister up there with me. Even in her terminally ill state my mother has rushed to my aid. For example both times I got hit with really bad sciatic pain during this pregnancy. she ran to my aid. The second time, even climbing a flight of stairs to sit by me, whilst my husband yelled at me and called me fat. (I actually jumped off the bed and got in his face for that)

The fact that I am even married to him at this point is a miracle. Or I am incredibly masochistic. But he is on his last chance, and he is wasting it.

Anyway, I have downloaded coloring pages. But I have also discovered a game that is said to be quite relaxing, I have downloaded it but haven't had a chance to play it yet. It is called Viridi.

 

[pennymarie]

I just googled viridi, is it the one where you grow plants? It looks awesome. I used to play a game called harvest moon...you grew a farm and took care of the land. This was back in the 90s...just to show my age. But that sounds good! Anything that helps you

And I'm glad you're finding resource and a support circle for yourself!

 

[gingmg]

I agree that hypnobirthing techniques may really help with your anxiety. I listened to Maggie Howells Natal hypnotherapy CD every day for about a month before having my son and I swear it's what really helped put me in the right frame of mind.

 

[BethMaassen]

I just googled viridi, is it the one where you grow plants? It looks awesome. I used to play a game called harvest moon...you grew a farm and took care of the land. This was back in the 90s...just to show my age. But that sounds good! Anything that helps you

And I'm glad you're finding resource and a support circle for yourself!

My goodness. I was never notified of a response. Stupid email. But yeah the one with the plants. It claims to be relaxing. So I figured that it may help.

I played Harvest Moon too when I was younger.

I am glad too. I think it was good to let it out on here.

 

[pennymarie]

So how is everyone doing?

 

[BethMaassen]

So how is everyone doing?

I am well. I finally finished reading the Ina May book. I am feeling so much more sure that I will be able to have a successful vbac. I am also sure that everything that happened during and leading up to my daughter's birth is what set the way for the emcs.

As fir day to day. DD has been waking at night. The night before last, she had me up all night. I could not figure out what was the matter, I am convinced dinner did not agree with her. And then I spent the following day celebrating my mothers 50th birthday. Was quite tearful and overwhelmed all day.

How are you doing?

 

[pennymarie]

I have some back issues and had steroid injections last week, and now I can't move or walk or pick up penny. So I'm pretty scared. Changing her diaper with me laying down hurts so badly.
I'm not doing well /:

 

[BethMaassen]

I can't imagine I hope you feel better soon.

 

[pennymarie]

They want me to take Percocet and a muscle relaxer. But I'm super hesitant cause I still breastfeed
Does anyone know about the interaction? Or has first hand experience?