So scared of labor & birth! : / any advise?

[Melisa1985]

I'm starting to be extremely scared of labor and birth, of all the pain during labor (contractions) and than pain after. What freaks me out the most is starting to feel contractions & than getting a panic attack. If I get a panic attack that's worse than any pain because I won't be able to breath normal and I'll be shaking. I don't know what to expect and that's the worst part of it, it scares me so much. I don't deal with pain good at all, can't handle pain & I'm freaking out. I know I will get an epidural, but until I get it I know I will probably feel a lot of pain. & than I'll be freaking out so much about how am I gonna push this baby out. So I feel like even after they give me the epidural, the wait of waiting for hours and the anticipation of it will be giving me anxiety and panic, so I'm really scared what I'll go through. I tried telling this to my doctor, but he just brushed it off like "don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll be fine, the anticipation of it is worse, but ones you are in labor you should be fine". He doesn't seem to get that my panic can get pretty bad and that's what I'm scared of.

Any advice?

 

[BettyBoop152]

The only advice I can give you is that it will eventually be over and you will have a beautiful baby in your arms! Every woman's labor is different and you might really surprise yourself by handling it really well.. xx

 

[ShirlWirl]

Don't worry! The first few centimetres aren't that bad, well not for me anyway - then you can get an epi at 4cm and you will feel no pain at all!

 

[MomPepperdine]

Your freaking yourself out more then you need too. I can't handle pain and its not tgat bad try to stay calm about it or you'll just make it worse

 

[msp_teen]

People like you are actually the ones that end up handling labor better than the average person! You'll be fine once you actually go into labor, you're frightened by it now, but once it starts and you have no control over it you can handle it! You're a woman and women were built to have babies, so try not to think about it too much, just let nature take its course!

 

[babz1986]

No matter how much you threat over it or stress about it before hand, it's nothing you can really prepare for. Your body takes control and remember this is what your body is designed for. It knows what it's doing so trust it!

I found my labour far less painful than what I'd ever imagined, as all I'd heard was how it was the most unbelievable pain ever. There's nothing to compare labour to at all, before I had my first I managed to trap my finger in a window. The pain was that bad I nearly passed out lol. Labour I did it all drug free, it was back to back and really not that bad.

I remember whilst pregnant with my first, somebody on here said that the longest contraction you'll get is 90 seconds! I really concentrated on this and counted my way through the pain. Main never reached more than 60 seconds long.

But honestly as soon as labour comes, there's nothing you can do but cope in anyway you possibly can, but seriously trust your body in knowing what to do and how to cope, no matter how stupid you feel lol. I spent 6 hours on all fours rocking side to side because 'it felt right'

 

[lhill630]

I'm just going to say this.. by the time you go in to labor, you are going to be OVER pregnancy & more than ready to hold that sweet baby in your arms. All of the aches and pains of pregnancy get old quick, and you will be ready. Right now, you may be having aches and pains, but you haven't even gotten as big as you are going to get

 

[Melisa1985]

Thank you ladies!! I really appreciate your advise and your kind words. Maybe the anticipation is harder, I hope that's all that it is and maybe I'll handle it better than expected. I do hope that is the case. Means a lot having this forum and get some advise from ladies that are also pregnant...thank you everyone!!!

 

[VmrsbabcockV]

I just hit 36 weeks and while I am definitely scared of delivery (im more scared of the crowning/tearing part) I am so uncomfortable and ready to be done being pregnant they could probably tell me I had to give birth on a bed of nails and I'd say ok.

 

[CatherineK]

First if all, at you in the US? If you are, realize its a bit different here. The hospital will normally admit you whenever you start labor, so you don't have to labor at home if you'd rather not. You will have the option of other pain medications as soon as you get to the hospital, if you want. And you don't have to wait until four CM for your Epidural...you may find, like I did, that while I preferred to get to hospital early, I didn't actually want any meds. But if you do, they seriously will work as hard as possible to give you a pretty painless birth if that's what you want. I didn't end up minding the pain much, you get so focused on the baby! And look at how many of us are on 2,3, or more kids! Can't be all that bad!!

 

[rayne22]

I was nervous like you about what it would be like and I will admit, ya its painful before the epidural. I got through it by saying to myself that I need to be strong because this baby is depending on me now and for the rest of it's life. Also that in a matter of hours (won't say how many lol) that it will all be over, you will have your baby and you life will have changed like you can't even imagine. Once you get the epidural, you won't feel pain, you will still be able to sense things, and when you feel like you gotta take the biggest poop of your life, you are most likely ready to start pushing. Lol.

 

[lmp1505768]

First if all, at you in the US? If you are, realize its a bit different here. The hospital will normally admit you whenever you start labor, so you don't have to labor at home if you'd rather not. You will have the option of other pain medications as soon as you get to the hospital, if you want. And you don't have to wait until four CM for your Epidural...you may find, like I did, that while I preferred to get to hospital early, I didn't actually want any meds. But if you do, they seriously will work as hard as possible to give you a pretty painless birth if that's what you want. I didn't end up minding the pain much, you get so focused on the baby! And look at how many of us are on 2,3, or more kids! Can't be all that bad!!

Actually, when I went in they wouldn't give me an epidural because I was 3cm, and about two minutes after they told me to drink apple juice and wait an HOUR my water broke. And they have little triage rooms you wait to see if it is real labor or not.

So I guess its best to just see what your particular hospital's policy is.

OP - I think its best to just go in with no expectations. I actually got the shakes (which no one warned be about) anyways, which wasn't so bad except DF was convinced I was cold,and I was burning up lol but I think all of the second time moms are a great motivation. If we came back for seconds, its got to be worth it

I had a very intense,short, labor, and I did reach one point in time when I was pushing where I said "I can't do it! I really can't!" And my mom reminded me I didn't have a choice lol sure enough, I did it.

It will be okay

 

[motherearth23]

I plan on having a natural childbirth, so my advice might be a bit biased
But seriously, reading some books and looking up youtube videos by Ina May Gaskin totally changed my perception of pain during childbirth!! From what I learned from her, my advice would be
-Make sure you feel safe. If your body starts getting an adrenaline rush it can actually stall your labor process or reverse it. As mammals, our bodies will simply not give birth if the mother's instincts tell her she is in an unsafe environment. If you need to be upfront about what you need (female staff only, minimal vaginal exams, etc.) in order to not have panic attacks, do so!

-Go with the flow. I plan on trying out any and all birth positions until I find one that feels right. You might find one (squatting, swaying on a birthing ball, maybe walking) that really helps with contraction pain. One thing about the epidural is that you are usually confined to the bed after you get one, and I know that would freak me out way more than the pain would! I like to be able to move around, and all the friends of mine who have had them have told me stories about their legs accidentally flopping off the bed and having to ask others to move them, or having to get a catheter in so they could pee. To me, that would really freak me out.

-Remember that labor ends. It won't go on forever, no matter how you feel a few hours into it. Try and just breathe and think about your baby and how nice it will be to hold him/her! I've heard that smiling and laughing during labor is a natural pain reliever and can really help improve your perception of pain! I plan on trying to have normal conversations with my hubby and maybe watching a funny movie in early labor to distract myself and not focus too much on contractions.

-Think about writing down some affirmations to read to yourself during birth or even to say out loud when a contraction is happening. Affirmations are things like "My body is dealing with this contraction really well, and it will be over soon", "This is the way my baby is coming into this world, and it's my job to help him/her do it", "This really really uncomfortable, but my body CAN handle it and I WILL get through it". As someone who talks outloud to herself during stressful and scary situations to get through them, I know this will really help me deal with the pain.

BTW, what I said about epidurals is totally my opinion. Obviously some stranger on the internet isn't going to change your mind if you are set on getting one. But I wouldn't go in with the mindset that you aren't going to be able to handle labor at all, because you never know!! You are stronger than you think you are.

 

[ragae32]

you will have a beautiful baby in your arms!https://bgrh.info/7.jpg[/img]

 

[Fortune Cooki]

My advice is to find things you really enjoy. The nerves for pain and pleasure run up the spine via the same path, but cannot run up to your brain at the same time. So if you feel pleasure then you can't feel pain and vice versa. Don't focus on the pain and make room for something enjoyable.

 

[motherearth23]

My advice is to find things you really enjoy. The nerves for pain and pleasure run up the spine via the same path, but cannot run up to your brain at the same time. So if you feel pleasure then you can't feel pain and vice versa. Don't focus on the pain and make room for something enjoyable.

That's fantastic if that's true!!

 

[BettyBoop152]

After my previous post I can say I have just given birth naturally for the first time even though I gave birth vaginally with my first it was a very assisted process that ended with me not remembering how painful or not it was.. and a very slow recovery process.. this time I only had gas and air and I'm not going to lie it was very painful.. however I was up and about within no time at all and I feel so much better than I did when I had my first.. please try not to worry as you cannot predict what will happen xx

 

[sevenofnine]

Truly... you'll be fine.

Once I pushed her out, I thought, "Psssh that was easy!"

 

[MindUtopia]

I can't recommend enough trying to develop some positive thoughts and affirmations about your birth. A few things I did were to write some positive affirmations and post them around the house where I could read them everyday (like 'I will feel calm, relaxed and peaceful while I'm giving birth' and 'I trust my body to safely and calmly birth my baby') and also to write a positive birth story in advance. Yes, really, sit down and write the story of how your perfect, calm, easily manageable, pain free birth would be and read it frequently. It's never going to go exactly that way but you'd be surprised if you put it into words how close the reality will end up being. Pain is so psychological. Yes, it's also physical, but a lot of what we know about pain really does point to a strong mind-body connection. If you start to change the way your mind thinks about something, you'll help change the way your body reacts to it. I did both of these ahead of my birth. I also practiced hypnotherapy. It made such a difference! I honestly wouldn't say my birth was overly painful (there was some pain, but like the kind of pain when that is totally productive and manageable). I never felt like I couldn't do it or like I wanted any pain relief. I gave birth at home with no pain relief at all (not even gas and air, actually I didn't even think to ask for it). It was intense and hard work, but not the worst pain I've felt by far. I think changing my expectations about birth really made such a difference. I didn't expect it to be painful or horrible and it wasn't. So I can't recommend doing some of this sort of mental planning in advance.