bluebell
Proud Mummy :)
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Messages
- 3,471
- Reaction score
- 98
After months of my broodiness building to the point where every month I'm really upset when my period arrives I finally had a completely honest conversation with my DH about how I'm really feeling. I told him everything about how upset I am, how I feel time is ticking on and soon the choice will be taken away, how I feel someone is missing from our family, how I'd give up everything to be a SAHM, do all the hard work, that I cannot get my head around why he feels there are more negatives than positives to having another, that forever more we'd have another child to love, to watch grow up, to enjoy all the milestones etc... We talked about the resentment I feel that he's depriving me of my dream, how I worry that I'll always regret not having a second child
His response was he's nearly 40, he finally feels that we're getting our life back, that he's looking forward to the next decade of his life being as stress free as possible, that at 10 years old we're at the stage we can really enjoy our son as he gets more independent, that the thought of having another child horrifies him and that although he'd do anything to make me happy he can't have a child just for me, that he worries he'd always resent them and me and that is not fair on anyone, least of all a baby. That he can't continue with the constant pressure I'm putting on him.
Then he said he would 'happily' leave me if it's what I truly want, that he wouldn't stand in the way of my dream and that he just wants me to be happy, that there would be loads of other men who would feel differently and give me the larger family I want, wtf!
So there's my answer, we've been together nearly 22 years since we were teenagers, we've grown up together and have been through so much and I love him dearly, we have a wonderful son who I adore and there's no way on this planet I could choose to rip his family apart for my own selfish desires. I also agree with him that bringing a child into the world who is unwanted by his dad would not be fair on anyone and certainly not a child.
Somehow I need to let this go, I'm not quite sure where to start, when you've been yearning for something for so long its all you know, when all my hopes and dreams have included being pregnant again, bringing another child up, at the moment I just feel lost and very emotional We don't use protection and rely on pull out method which on the one hand keeps my hope alive that I could fall pregnant by accident and I do genuinely feel he would accept that child as we both are strong believers in fate. But on the other hand it's like a monthly torment, every month when my period comes I feel totally gutted. He has suggested he gets the snip but it's just so final.
I don't know how to get past this but I know I have to, for the sake of our marriage and our family! It's honestly one of the hardest things I've ever faced, when you both want different things, how can you both be truly happy?!
xx
His response was he's nearly 40, he finally feels that we're getting our life back, that he's looking forward to the next decade of his life being as stress free as possible, that at 10 years old we're at the stage we can really enjoy our son as he gets more independent, that the thought of having another child horrifies him and that although he'd do anything to make me happy he can't have a child just for me, that he worries he'd always resent them and me and that is not fair on anyone, least of all a baby. That he can't continue with the constant pressure I'm putting on him.
Then he said he would 'happily' leave me if it's what I truly want, that he wouldn't stand in the way of my dream and that he just wants me to be happy, that there would be loads of other men who would feel differently and give me the larger family I want, wtf!
So there's my answer, we've been together nearly 22 years since we were teenagers, we've grown up together and have been through so much and I love him dearly, we have a wonderful son who I adore and there's no way on this planet I could choose to rip his family apart for my own selfish desires. I also agree with him that bringing a child into the world who is unwanted by his dad would not be fair on anyone and certainly not a child.
Somehow I need to let this go, I'm not quite sure where to start, when you've been yearning for something for so long its all you know, when all my hopes and dreams have included being pregnant again, bringing another child up, at the moment I just feel lost and very emotional We don't use protection and rely on pull out method which on the one hand keeps my hope alive that I could fall pregnant by accident and I do genuinely feel he would accept that child as we both are strong believers in fate. But on the other hand it's like a monthly torment, every month when my period comes I feel totally gutted. He has suggested he gets the snip but it's just so final.
I don't know how to get past this but I know I have to, for the sake of our marriage and our family! It's honestly one of the hardest things I've ever faced, when you both want different things, how can you both be truly happy?!
xx