So upset and need to vent!

[17pregnant]

Cannot stop crying. Just had a massive fight with OH. He just told me he's going to bet $1000 on his favourite league team getting into the finals! We don't have $1000 and even if we did, I can't believe he'd be so selfish as to throw it away like that! He doesn't have a gambling problem, has hardly ever gambled in his life, but this is just so distressing to me. I told him to think about the three people involved here, not just him. And he said: "Well guess your not going to get a share of the winnings then, and this has nothing to do with the baby. If your going to be like this I want out." This has everything to do with the baby, $1000 is a lot of money and it's money we need. Since I found out I was pregnant, i've been saving every cent I can, because I know we'll need all the money we can get. He only just got a job, like a week ago, and all of a sudden claims he'll do what he want's with his money! When i've been supporting him for the last year. I don't know what to do (

 

[magic93]

Oh man! Id be pisseddd.
Sorry OH is being like that, he needs to realize that he cant jus do whatever he wants with his money, I hope you can get thru to him because that not right.
Sorry I dont have better advice girl

 

[17pregnant]

Oh man! Id be pisseddd.
Sorry OH is being like that, he needs to realize that he cant jus do whatever he wants with his money, I hope you can get thru to him because that not right.
Sorry I dont have better advice girl

Thanks hun. I just needed to let it out, any advice is very much appreciated. I think for me this is just breaking point. He won't stop verbally abusing me and putting me down. We broke up after he hit me and smashed up my mums house, but then I found out I was pregnant (yes he hit me while I was pregnant, didn't know though ) and we made a go of it, and it's been really really good. Up until a couple of days ago, he's started making arguments out of everything, and the second he raises his voice I freak out, and break down and he gets even angrier.. He put's me down, and abuses me (hasn't laid a hand on me since though) but I can't leave him. He's so controlling i've lost nearly everyone and I don't know what i'd do without him...

 

[magic93]

Omg, thats horrible. I think mabye you should take a step back and mabye thatll open up his eyes.. If not then you two probably shouldnt be together. You need to do whats best for not only you but also your son or daughter. If you ever wanna chat about anytying pm me hunn

 

[17pregnant]

Omg, thats horrible. I think mabye you should take a step back and mabye thatll open up his eyes.. If not then you two probably shouldnt be together. You need to do whats best for not only you but also your son or daughter. If you ever wanna chat about anytying pm me hunn

Thank you means alot. Yeah i've been seriously considering doing that. He is the type of guy that won't come begging for me back. He'll cut all ties and contact... Just gotta find the strength to make the right decision huh x

 

[magic93]

Yeah I know these kind of guys, ive dealt with toooo many of emm. Dont worry hun you'll know what to do! Hoping for all the best for you

 

[teenmommy15]

My advice is to leave the relationship(definitely know its easier said then down, had some OH troubles but things are going better) everytime i get into fights with anyone i get mad or i cry or get stressed or pissed and i just found out thats one of the main reasons my little girls so underweight and why she hasnt been moving so try to stay our of stressful environments hun

 

[17pregnant]

My advice is to leave the relationship(definitely know its easier said then down, had some OH troubles but things are going better) everytime i get into fights with anyone i get mad or i cry or get stressed or pissed and i just found out thats one of the main reasons my little girls so underweight and why she hasnt been moving so try to stay our of stressful environments hun

God I don't know what would be worse, the stress now, or the stress leaving him. I remove myself when it gets too much, and hes soooo good most of the time. But when its bad, it's really bad

 

[jozylynn896]

I'd tell him "Leave them".
Guys are all talk, don't let him disrespect you!
Definatley don't stay in a relationship where you're the only one who cares for baby.
Try talking to him, definatley don't let him make you cry.

 

[teenmommy15]

Yeah its hard but try to make the best decision for LO maybe if you talk to him things will look up, put your foot down i had to be quite stern with my OH i told him "if he didnt step up and do what he had to do then i was leaving him and he wouldnt see the baby if he couldnt decide to be a father".

 

[MommyGrim]

First off, , secondly, I really do think you should leave him, as hard as it will be. If he's abusing you in any way, then it should be time to leave. Honestly, if he can do those things to you, he may be even capable to do them to your child. You really do not deserve this and I really hope you can find a way to get away from him.

Actually exactly what ^ she said. Confront him first, then go from there.

 

[17pregnant]

Thank you so much girls Don't know what i'd do without all the support

 

[motherearth23]

My advice is to leave the relationship(definitely know its easier said then down, had some OH troubles but things are going better) everytime i get into fights with anyone i get mad or i cry or get stressed or pissed and i just found out thats one of the main reasons my little girls so underweight and why she hasnt been moving so try to stay our of stressful environments hun

God I don't know what would be worse, the stress now, or the stress leaving him. I remove myself when it gets too much, and hes soooo good most of the time. But when its bad, it's really bad

All the posts so far remind me of my ex and I's relationship. Very abusive (mostly verbal/emotional, physical only a few times when we got extremely angry at each other). And I know exactly what you mean about the "when it's good its amazing, when it's bad it's terrible" part. Everyone's situation is different, but I would recommend you find the strength to leave him. And I also know what you mean that he wont come begging for you back or change to be the better man. My life got so much better when I left my ex. He made me get off birth control (part of the emotional abuse), and after my first real pregnancy scare I decided I had to just leave. I had decided to leave even if I really was pregnant, but luckily I wasn't.
My advice for leaving is to really cut off all contact. With those awful amazing/terrible relationships, there is no good way to wean off contact or "Take a break".
I found a guy about 7 months after leaving my ex, and we dated for over a year and when I got pregnant with him it was the best feeling ever because I knew he was a good guy and would never treat me like shit. It's hard when you love someone, I was deeply in love with my ex and wanted to help him so bad (he confided many disturbing truths about his childhood in me), but in the end you need to do what's healthiest for you. And for your baby. Which, CONGRATULATIONS This should be a happy time, and don't let him ruin it for you. There are plenty of men who would bend over backwards to be a father for a child they didn't create, so don't waste time on a guy who would rather gambol away $1000 instead of seeing where the money should obviously go to!! I hope things get better for you, there are a lot of girls on BnB that have gone through similar situations, and I bet the majority never regret leaving their abusive boyfriends.

 

[17pregnant]

First off thank you alot for your words Every single word is so true and completely hit's home for me. It's like your speaking my mind. Your so right about taking a break, that will never work. There is no such thing as a break, I will never be able to get away that way. I don't want my child not to have a dad. I know he's a good dad, I just wish he was a better partner. I'm so in love with him though, the thought of not being with him... I just don't think i'm strong enough! I want my perfect little family, and every day i'm just waiting for a change that I don't think will ever come. Not that i'm thinking about anyone coming in and playing daddy, but of course it's been planted in my mind noone will want a single mum bla bla bla. Heart and mind completely torn! I wish I had the strength of you and all those others girls out there that have left these situations.

 

[motherearth23]

First off thank you alot for your words Every single word is so true and completely hit's home for me. It's like your speaking my mind. Your so right about taking a break, that will never work. There is no such thing as a break, I will never be able to get away that way. I don't want my child not to have a dad. I know he's a good dad, I just wish he was a better partner. I'm so in love with him though, the thought of not being with him... I just don't think i'm strong enough! I want my perfect little family, and every day i'm just waiting for a change that I don't think will ever come. Not that i'm thinking about anyone coming in and playing daddy, but of course it's been planted in my mind noone will want a single mum bla bla bla. Heart and mind completely torn! I wish I had the strength of you and all those others girls out there that have left these situations.

The strength comes unexpectedly. I didn't exactly keep track, but my ex and I "broke up" about 5-10 times before it actually stuck. I went away with my family for a long weekend and ignored all texts and calls from him. Stopped wearing the engagement ring I had stupidly said yes to on my 17th birthday. Told him I would be busy... Said I love you and acted normal before I left. By the time I came back, it was easier to not contact him. I really do know it feels like you're so in love that you can't live without him, but it's not true. If you think about it, people whose parents die (a bond MUCH deeper than a boyfriend&girlfriend) manage to heal over and go on living happily.
If he is not the right one for you, you will get fed up eventually. The strength will come from someplace deep inside you. You'll figure it out.
And he can still be the Daddy, but sometimes Mommy&Daddy just don't get along and that's okay. My parents divorced when I was very young and I'm glad I have no memory of it. They were always very civil and friendly to each other, they just couldn't work as a couple. I saw my dad every Wednesday night for dinner (either going out or visiting his house, sometimes spending the night and being brought to school by him the next day), and every other weekend I would spend at his house. It was never sad or weird to me because it was all I had known. I loved them both equally and still ended up a "Daddy's girl" even though my Mom took care of me 80% of the time. He wasn't in my life much before I hit Kindergarten, as my Mom just wanted to take care of me herself. Kids without fathers in the picture don't turn out badly, however the same cannot be said for kids who grow up watching their fathers abuse their mothers. That can cause serious trauma.
Honestly you should try journaling. Maybe typing up a word document that can easily be deleted (in case he likes to see everything on your computer/phone). Making a list of good things and bad things about your relationship might put things into perspective. That's what I did, and realized I was down to only 3/4 good things and way more bad. Or maybe it will be the opposite, and you will be able to see only a few bad things that you can try and work on.
Like I said, you'll figure it out!