Sometimes babies actually want to be left alone

[TrixieLox]

I read a lot on here and elsewhere about the benefits of having your baby close to you - as in, literally attached to you via a carrier or whatever as you potter about. That babies always want to be with someone, in their arms, on them etc.

But sometimes, don't you think a baby just wants to be left alone? My LO often wants to be with me, but sometimes, when I hold her, she cries and it's not cos she's hungry or needs a change. She just wants to be left alone to sleep. I put her in her crib and then she's quite happy. Or in her bouncy chair and she'll coo and have fun trying to reach for the attachments.

So it isn't a case of leaving your child alone so s/he doesn't get too clingy. It can simply be a case of your LO needing some time alone to chill? If that makes sense? And wondering if the whole thing of being attached to your LO all the time might actually sometimes go against what they actually want?

Am I even making sense?!

 

[maggie111]

Yup - my baby would much rather be lying flat than cuddled! Now that he is sitting up he's happy on our knees though.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I do know what you mean. Some of my friends have very laid back babies who are happy to be left alone. Unfortunately my LO has never been like that and is sleeping on me as I type!

 

[feedindy]

yeah mine is like this. He will whine while I carry him until I sit him down so he can play with his toys. he has a bucket of toys he dumps out and picks through, and after about 30 min he is done and wants me back. As long as I am in the room and he can see me, he is happier sitting on the floor with his toys than being held.

 

[MommyJogger]

I'm pretty hardcore AP in my beliefs, but DS was never on me 24/7 unless he was unhappy being put down. Newborns benefit from parental closeness for many reasons-- access to the breast, mom learning new baby's cues, etc. But that doesn't have to translate into "never put baby down". I think even the majority of babywearers give lo some independent play if baby if happy to do so. It's important, I think, to recognize the difference between being allowed to play independently with mom or another adult caregiver nearby and being forced to be alone where no one either can or will respond to cues/cries. A majority of babies, either during a stage or during the majority of their infancy, will prefer to be held. The push to "hold your baby" is more of a push-back against the recent school of thought that encouraged having very little contact with your baby so that they aren't 'spoiled' and 'don't get used to being held'.

 

[AngelofTroy]

Ever since Micah was about 4 months old, he's wanted to spend a lot of time on the floor. He is an explorer by nature! He regularly ambushes me for cuddles but then he's off again!

 

[XJessicaX]

Both my children have been quite independent in regards to playing alone. DD1 often takes herself upstairs so she can have quiet time! DD2 wriggles to get put down after a while and she likes to crawl off and sit playing with a toy. I desperately want more cuddle time!

 

[felix555]

I think a lot of it has to do with the baby's personality some babies want to be held all day and will cry if you put them down (I have one of those!) And some like to be put down. My baby is on me the majority of the time and only now that he's 4 months will he spend time in a swing or playmat so I just hold him.

I think it's about meeting your baby's needs if you have a baby like mine I'd say hold them if you have a baby that is happy not being held then it would be silly to hold them all the time.

 

[HanaK]

Yep you are! My LO isn't a cuddler really, he'd rather sit in his bouncer and talk to us. We often sit him facing us when we're in the living room and he listens to us talk and tries to join in. He also likes joining us around the dinner table or in the garden but he doesn't want to be on our knees!

 

[blake12336]

My LO is a funny one, we cosleep, but this is the only time we get any cuddles from him! He hated cuddling and would much rather be off and about playing. Although if he's poorly he's a completely different child and won't leave my lap.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My dd likes to chill out on her own too x

 

[Tess.ie]

I think it all depends on the baby some want space, some want to be held. In the beginning Chloe would scream if she was put down, and she didn't like being still either. The days were long!!!
Since she became mobile she would rather be down playing independently.
Babies needs are always changing, just follow their lead

 

[Bun87]

At the beginning I held my lo all the time, It was lovely now though he is so aware of his surroundings and sometimes he gets a bit agitated with me (singing too many nursery rhymes maybe?!) and if I put him on his mat with toys he starts gurgling and cooing! He's been rolling on his side too so I think it's good for him to practice this new skill. He's quite happy in his swing or bouncy chair too but as soon as he gets fed up I pick him up for cuddles and we'll do something together x

 

[AP]

Alex absolutely wanted to be alone rather than cuddled, she was far more delighted on her play mat or swimming around the carpet A far cry from Tori, who is such a mummys girl

 

[SpringerS]

And wondering if the whole thing of being attached to your LO all the time might actually sometimes go against what they actually want?

I don't think anyone has the idea of being physically attached to their child all the time except for people who have a misconception of what attachment parenting actually means. It doesn't mean attached as in stuck together, it means attached as in an emotional attachment that means you develop a deep understanding of what your baby wants and needs and a respect for the baby so that you meet all their needs and as many of their wants as are sensible. Sometimes that does mean being physically attached to your baby all the time, if that's what the baby wants and for other babies it means giving them the space to play independently if they enjoy it.

My son has always enjoyed independent play so I let him do it, I just don't force him to do it when he isn't in the mood, even if it's at a time where it would suit me. I have a few slings and I use them regularly but I also not only have a buggy which gets used most days but I faced it forward after 6 months as he used to twist himself around to see what was ahead.

 

[LeoLeah77]

It's all about getting a good balance. Lots of cuddling and closeness but time for independent play.

 

[kissesandhugs]

And wondering if the whole thing of being attached to your LO all the time might actually sometimes go against what they actually want?

I don't think anyone has the idea of being physically attached to their child all the time except for people who have a misconception of what attachment parenting actually means. It doesn't mean attached as in stuck together, it means attached as in an emotional attachment that means you develop a deep understanding of what your baby wants and needs and a respect for the baby so that you meet all their needs and as many of their wants as are sensible. Sometimes that does mean being physically attached to your baby all the time, if that's what the baby wants and for other babies it means giving them the space to play independently if they enjoy it.

My son has always enjoyed independent play so I let him do it, I just don't force him to do it when he isn't in the mood, even if it's at a time where it would suit me. I have a few slings and I use them regularly but I also not only have a buggy which gets used most days but I faced it forward after 6 months as he used to twist himself around to see what was ahead.

Yes, this. AP doesn't mean attached physically or literally. Like she mentioned, it means emotionally. Following babies cues. If that means being by them self then let them if it means being on you then have them on you.

 

[overcomer79]

yes my dd violated the rules of wanting to sleep in the same room with us. We had to move her at 3 months because she couldn't sleep being around us. She has her periods but now she wants to be on the go all the time.

 

[Dragonfly]

My mum said that about me too that I would push her away and not want her. Sadly I never bonded with her and had attachment problems all my life. I was also introvert where as my mum never accepted this as she would have left me to cio and ignored me anyway then forcing herself on me. I agree never force a child who dosnt want to be and step back, let them have their space. Take it easy and let them know you are there if they ever need you. Both mine are attached to me and love it, I do to but if they ever didnt want to I wouldnt force them.

Before any one gets offended cuddles where like illegal in my parents house practically. Very cold place. I am glad my kids love them.

 

[Katy Bug]

My boy prefers to be on the floor so he can walk and play. Any relatives that want to hold him don't get to for long bc of this reason.