soo down

[vee vee]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years before him I was with someone for 7 years and broke up with him at 36 (he did not want children with me ) , had a year on my own before moving on and found a good man
I am 39 now 40 in October, been trying for 2 years in November .
my boyfriend and I are very compatible and happy together but the need for children so so strong on both sides he is 35 no kids
I need to have children so bad because I had no mother growing up myself (grow up with Dad)
we have both been checked out blood tubes hormones and his sperm is fine ,
my boyfriend said he does not want to do IVF
such a difficult situation
do I at 40 dump him and find someone else (which by the way is hard to find good men without baggage and I love my boyfriend )
or keep positive ...
my weight to normal I don't smoke don't drink and am positive ,
but I am worrying now because he gets down ..
and come up again then I get down and come up again
need someone to talk too

 

[Buffyx]

That is a very hard situation.

Personally, I wouldn't leave if we were unable to have children. Not wanting to have children is a completely different story. Does your boyfriend say why he doesn't want to do IVF?

 

[KatO79]

I actually kinda get were you're coming from as I basically grew up without a mother myself - my mother is mentally ill and has never been a loving, supportive mother. She never played with me or payed much attention to me as a child. She's been emotionally and mentally abusive all my life. I so want to have a child and see what it's like having a healthy mother-child relationship and give my child what my mother couldn't give me - unconditional love Perhaps it'll help to further heal my inner scars.

My DH and I weren't much for assisted conception but we never ruled it out entirely and now we're going to welcome the help with open arms because we so want to have a child. We've been trying for almost 1 year (I'm 35, DH is 37) and IUI/IVF may be our only hope of having a baby.

I don't think you're first reaction should be to leave him because he at the moment refuses IVF. I'd try asking him why he feels that way first. I'd maybe also try and explain to him how (generally) much harder it is for you at 39/40 to become pregnant compared to most women in e.g. their 20s (especially when you're trying for your 1st) and how IVF might be the only option if you both really want a child. You both need to be on the same page. Try telling him all this, hear his views and try to reach an agreement, eventually after you both have been given time to consider each other's arguments for and against, say 1 month to think about things.

I hope you and your boyfriend soon come to an agreement you're both happy with