Sorting life out

[Teri7489]

Just need to put my thoughts somewhere before I go mad. As a family we haven't been great health wise (my gallbladder issues, migraines, sons asthma and my daughter has been poorly for a few months but still fighting gp) We plan to ttc this August when my son is 2 but I wonder if it's a silly idea. I'm so broody but have been since I had my first. We have a 2 bed house (council as we can't afford to buy yet) so even if we don't have another we will eventually need a bigger house. It's a decent size so not worried about spade with another child. Neither of us drive which is annoying. I've failed 5 times due to nerves, and my last test got my so stressed I had a miscarriage. obviously I can't say it was for sure that but now I'm scared but so determined to pass. do I have my last baby now or leave it till we get a bigger house, pass driving test (any tips on how would be great!)

Reactions from family have been different. Mum says no more kids, dad doesn't like talking about things like that but auntie and uncles say go for it, it's my life. My sister however is struggling to conceive and been diagnosed with PCOS and awaiting more appointments. Last thing I want to do it upset her having another baby. She couldn't even hug my children at Christmas because it's so hard for her. Someone slap me and tell me what to do. my head hurts - and not from a migraine this time!

 

[MamaWorld]

I don't know how you do it without a car! I don't mean that in a rude way at all. I'd just be lost without my car. If you don't plan on ttc until august, I'd say try to get your license before then. As far as your house size, my SO and I have 3 kids and a 2 bedroom house. It's cramped but we make it work. I want so badly to have another baby but my SO isn't on board with it. I think about it all day every day and I'm clueless on how to make the feeling go away. I feel incomplete.

 

[MamaWorld]

Also, as far as your family goes on having a say in whether or not you have another one, it isn't up to them. That's between you and your SO. My mom says no more to me. But if my SO decides he's on board with it, I don't give a shit what my mom says or anyone else for that matter lol

 

[Dana_Scully]

I understand how you feel. We don't have a car either. We've been taking the bus everywhere and it's hard. My son's been taking the bus since he was 10 months old lol. I started my driving classes 3 months ago. I'm also very nervous when I drive, turning on the radio really helps me relax! I'm wtt until I see the doctor. I'm hoping to get some answers because I keep having mcs.

 

[sarah34]

Just wanted to sympathise with you about the situation with your sister. My best friend had a miscarriage when I was pregnant with my son and has been trying since and I worry about how she will react when we ttc number 2. I actually don't want to tell her that we are trying in march for fear of upsetting her! Xx

 

[LoraLoo]

What's your councils policy about the ages of children sharing? Im just thinking that if council won't move you Til theyre over a certain age- you might have 3 sharing a room for a fair few years aNd if it's if you can cope with that. Could you privately rent a 3 bed?

As for the driving- nerve are such a pain. There are crash druving courses that you can do over the space of a few days- I think they're costly but they have a high success rate of passing. Or do you think learning and taking a test in an automatic might help? Less things to think about/get nervous about on test day.

As for family, hard as it is for your sister, it's your life and you have to think of yourself and your own family and not base your decision on someone else's feelings. My sister had several mc, 2 ectopic and 3 failed ivf so I do understand, I understand the dread of telling them when you get that Bfp and the worry of upsetting them, but I also lost a child and that was hard for me too (understatement) and Id not have expected anyone to put Ttc plans on hold for me x

 

[Teri7489]

Thanks for all your input. Love the support on here!

Had a chat with my husband and we are going to keep our plan to try on August as they are. I'm going to start lessons again when shifts pick up at work and if I pass great, if I don't then it's OK. We live in a town with 2 big supermarkets and a newly developed the town centre so have everything we need close by. my parents are just 15 minutes away so really not an urgent thing, just would be nice. Will look into those course though, that sounds good!

With regards to the house, we are happy for the kids to share until they don't want to. ie as teenagers. adding another child would mean we were overcrowded so would be higher up the list of being offered a bigger house. Private rent would be a short term option but then puts you to the bottom of the list as yours needs are met. plus makes it harder to save to buy a house as they are a lot more expensive.

just leaves the sister issue. I want so badly for her to have a baby and up until now I thought she was happy and OK with things. She was really off on Christmas day so I spoke with her on FB and she said she is just finding it so hard to be around the kids as she thought she would have her own by now. I know when I had a mc and my SIL was pregnant I found it hard but was happy for her. my sister is not at that point anymore so I feel awful. argh! heads an utter mess. so sorry for ranting and moaning x

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I'm glad that you were able to come to terms with most of your worries. As to your sister, is there any way she could maybe look into fertility medications? A lot of women with PCOS successful get pregnant on Clomid. There are some natural remedies for overcoming infertility with PCOS but I'm not sure how extensive it is. Maybe you could talk to her about your concerns and see what she says? I agree with what a PP said that it isn't their lives... it is yours... but I also understand how it would bother you to see her that way. I have a cousin who had the same issue. She had infertility and had to eventually get a hysterectomy. Now she is looking into adoption and it has made her much happier. I hope you can figure that part out, hun

 

[Teri7489]

We went for dinner a few weeks ago and we got talking about it. She's at a really low point on the verge of giving up so I didn't say anything about out plans. She has see one consultant and got her PCOS diagnosis but has more appointment plus her husband is also being checked. Not sure what her treatment plans are or if they will give her any due to the time she's been ttc. It's hard to decide what to do. I'm happy with my 2 children, I adore them and if I don't have any more then I would be OK with that. just need to deal with that broody feeling lol xxx

 

[storm4mozza]

Hi Teri

First off I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and also that your sister is struggling to conceive.

2 years ago I was very broody and wanted our third child. I was out of work at the time though Husband had a stable job. We live in a flat but have the space. I decided not to have a third and got the coil. I tried to tell myself that I was fine with the two I have, (I am blessed with two beautiful children, a girl aged 4 and a 5 (almost 6) year old boy). I have got back into work and have slowly started coming off my anti depressent tablets...

Now a year on I cannot deny it anymore, I am not only broody but I always knew 3 kids and even though I am happy and blessed with one of each gender without the last baby I knew (and have admitted it to myself now) that something was and still is missing.

I am now TTC in August this year. Alot of friends told me not to, where as some family are excited at the prospect. However Teri this is the decision of you are your OH no one else, they can have an opinion and you are a grown woman, make your own decisions.

If you want to chat a bit let me know on an inbox message.
Nicky x

 

[Teri7489]

Thank you for your lovely message! We have plans for ttc this August as well so could be ttc buddies if all goes ahead! I love that I have one of each too but always wanted a big family. I am 1 of 4, my mums 1 of 12 and I have a huge family. I seem to have gotten a lot more sensitive since having my children, sometimes just too sensitive. I worry about feelings and if I am doing things right all the time and worry what people think. Hence this post. xxx