Spanking, Time Out, Both, or Neither?

[AirForceWife7]

What is your view? Go at it.

 

[Lightworker]

None. They both have negative consequences. Spanking teaches violence, fear and bullying. Time-out breeds feelings of exclusion, shame, guilt, conditional love.
I'm more for gentle guidance, treating children as you would an adult. X

 

[thedog]

None, i'd rather find the root cause of what the problem is. Spanking/smacking/hitting it's all the same. Id rather not use time out, but as a last resort its more preferable IMO.

 

[Miss Wright]

I would never spank but I think time out has its place when used properly x

 

[cherryglitter]

I would use time out.
But I know OH would go straight to the 'spanking' route. I don't think he would spank him at all but he would tap him.

 

[moomin_troll]

zane doesnt exactly have a time out but when hes playing up really badly he is told to go sit on the sofa to calm down, so then we can actualy talk in afew mins.

hes had a tap on the hand afew times, hardly ever but its only been at times when hes been really bad.
i grew up being smacked on the bum if i was really bad and it didnt teach me violence is right so i dont agree with that statement being used for every parent who may smack or tap their childs hand or bum.

 

[sabby52]

I use time-out, but I have spanked, actually I dont like to call it spanking as it is more of a tap.

I was smacked on the bum when I was younger as was all my brothers and sisters and not one of us are violent, there is 9 of us So I disagree with the whole spanking teaches violence. My 13 year old has got tapped when needed and he is the least violent child I know, he would rather walk away than get physical.

 

[OmarsMum]

None. I use talking & explaining & so far it's working for us. We dont have tantrums anymore & he's well behaved in general.

 

[Lightworker]

Yeah there are some exceptions, but there are studies that show a direct correlation between spanking and aggression. Other issues which are on the other side of the spectrum, stemming from smacking include lower self-esteem, issues with forming positive relationships etc. If someone smacks you, it is a violation of your person, and I think it is not credible to say it does not cause any harm. We have legislated against smacking adults, but still children continue to be treated as 2nd class citizens.

 

[Lightworker]

How can you teach your child to respect themselves when they are subjected to corporal punishment. The message going out is "smacking is ok in the right circumstances." I have spoken to some tribesmen who feel it is ok to smack there wives if they do something wrong, and their wives agree. So the smacking is perpetuated into their adult relationships. If it doesn't breed aggression, it might go the other way and breed fear and subservience. From an objective point of view, not an attack on anyone personally

 

[moomin_troll]

if i did soemthing i knew was really bad i knew i would get a smack on my ass. so if i took that chance i knew id be punished.

i cant stand it when children are spanked/taped for every little thing, so i think doing that is asking for trouble.

but if its ever used in my house its for if zanes been really bad and he knows hes in the wrong. i wouldnt of tapped his hand before he was old enough to no what he was doing was wrong

 

[Lightworker]

But why spank/punish him even if he does something "bad" deliberately. Why not try to find out the cause of his behaviour. There is ususally a sequence of events that lead to people acting negatively. Why not deal with the cause?

 

[Nibblenic]

But why spank/punish him even if he does something "bad" deliberately. Why not try to find out the cause of his behaviour. There is ususally a sequence of events that lead to people acting negatively. Why not deal with the cause?

Children are individuals though they dont all respond the same therfore cannot all be punished or behaviour changed in the same way.

Some and it is a rare few do not respond to anything other than corperal punishment. Some will not respone to reason. Some need time outs.

I think just because youve got one child reasoning with worked with doesnt mean you next one will respond to the same things.

Can I ask though LW say your child hit mine, what would you do as a parent about that? Not that I would want you to hit her but I would wat to see a child that was violent punished tbh

 

[moomin_troll]

like i said i have hardly ever tapped my sons hand, its never hard and i dont even class it as spanking.

when hes naughty we do talk and he has afew mins on the sofa to calm down. very rarly have i tapped his hand but i have and im not going into why i did and what exactly he did because i dont need to justify myself to a perfect stranger.

i dont go round beating the shit out of my son and id never hurt him.

me being smacked on my ass growing up didnt do me any harm, theres nothing wrong with my confidence and im not a violent person and i knew if i was dumb enough to do something so bad that i knew id get a smack then i deserved it. because i knew what would happen.
im not damaging my son by tapping his hand, which again ive done very little

 

[moomin_troll]

also zane has lashed out afew times over the past few months because i no hes grieving but he doesnt no that, so no amount of me talking to him he wouldnt be able to say yes mum im angry because my dad has died.

as a mother we tend to no whats wrong with our children, and when hes lashed out and i no its because hes upset about his dad he doesnt get exactly punished but i wont let him get away with throwing pictures across the room. we talk and i tell him what hes done is naughty.
sometimes u cant completly reason with a child who understands that they have been naughty but doesnt no why

 

[Lightworker]

Nibblenic- yeah I totally get that different children have different temperaments but still don't agree with smacking/timeout. If my child was to hit yours, I wouldn't punish her, I don't believe in punishment. I would tell her to apologise to your child ofcourse, and I would too, and then talk to her about what she did and why it is wrong. Why would you want to see her punished?

 

[Nibblenic]

Nibblenic- yeah I totally get that different children have different temperaments but still don't agree with smacking/timeout. If my child was to hit yours, I wouldn't punish her, I don't believe in punishment. I would tell her to apologise to your child ofcourse, and I would too, and then talk to her about what she did and why it is wrong. Why would you want to see her punished?

No actually I think making her appologise would do me. Its not that 'I' would want to see her punished but I would want my Lo to know that anyone hitting her is wrong. Am I making sense?
With Lo I dont just try and correct her behaviour I also tell her other childrens behaviour is wrong in order to help her A) not do it B) if someone else does that and hurts her that she should tell a adult. iykwim

Maybe I didnt mean punishment, just behaviour correction.

 

[Lightworker]

Oh yeah I definitely agree- children must know its wrong to hit, but it is equally wrong for someone to hit them. At playgroup once this lady was not paying attention to her child's behaviour so I said to him "No, we don't smack other children because it hurts and makes them feel upset" and then I told my child "Its not nice when people hit and if anyone hits you, tell me" - so I agree with you, its making sure that they don't hit, and that they don't accept being hit x

 

[littlestar85]

None. They both have negative consequences. Spanking teaches violence, fear and bullying. Time-out breeds feelings of exclusion, shame, guilt, conditional love.
I'm more for gentle guidance, treating children as you would an adult. X

I was going to say the exaact same thing! X

 

[TennisGal]

No smacking here - and time out only when she's so worked up she needs to calm down...and thats not on her own, I just take her away from what I want her to stop doing, either sit her with me, or sit her on her little chair...and wait for her to calm down.