Still haven't told- Sister Miscarried today- Fertility Issue with other sister

[Farmgirlalee]

Okay ladies-

I need some advice. My SO and I aren't telling anyone that we are expecting yet. I want to get closer to the end of my first trimester or until morning sickness makes it too hard to hide.

One of the reasons we are delaying is because I have had two first trimester losses before so I am anxious not to jump the gun and make everyone feel bad.

The next reason is one of my sisters just found out a few months ago that she is infertile. She was thinking of having children with her SO and was getting tested to see if it was an option when she found out that she can't.

Then my oldest sister tells us that she is expecting her fourth child about a month ago and then today she lost the baby.

So I figure I am waiting until at least after New Years, but I feel bad asking my sisters to be happy for me so recent after their own bad news. I know of course that they will be happy for me, that's not the issue, but I hate feeling like our own happiness is going to rub salt in their wounds. Although of course they are going to find out eventually, but how long would you wait to give them time to get over their own grief? I'm wondering if I should wait even towards the end of January to tell?

 

[Scout]

I would guess that it'd be hard to gage when they might be over their grief, so I'd just tell when I felt ready. I'm sure they'll be happy for you even if they are still hurting for themselves. With my 1st pregnancy, I didn't tell anyone until I was between 24 and 26 weeks.

 

[Wish85]

I think if you know they'll be happy for you regardless of whether they are grieving then that makes telling them a little easier. Maybe wait until end of first tri for your own peace of mind, and theirs? There is no time limit on grieving so you can't really base it off that. Just always use tact and compassion for their situation but it is your right to be excited too and you have also been through losses so I'm sure they will be excited for you!

Congratulations xx

 

[mara16jade]

I brought my sister along for the wild ride that infertility is. I had my son easily. Then MC'd #2 very early on....fast forward a year and we just did IVF. I'm 4w4d today, and very nervous. But knowing my sister tried IVF and it failed, I wanted her to know as soon as possible so I didn't surprise her. I was there for her during her struggle, and she's been there for me during this really scary time too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't surprise them. I think it may hurt more. It wouldn't be a bad idea to sit down and talk to them about your fears of miscarriage considering what you've been through. My guess is they'll be more understanding than you think they will.

 

[Lunabelle]

My OH and have been through infertility treatments and before I had results from our first IVF round my sister announced that she was 3months pregnant. I was happy of course and excited, but that day I did have a little cry. It was because conveiving was so easy for them, she got pregnant on their honeymoon. I didn't hope for them to have infertility issues since I wouldn't wish this to my worst enemy, but it was a shock of how easily it came to them. After that initial cry I have been super excited for her and I can't wait to have a little nephew!

If you have already been through two losses, it probably won't come to them as a shock, but rather they will be very happy for you. And I think they will be happy to have someone in the family who has had success after struggles.

 

[misspriss]

I stuggle as well. My older sister has stuggled with infertiltiy for years and has given up, as far as I know, as she told me she was seriously considering a hysterectomy. Telling her about the first was umcomfortable. The second, painful. Now a third? It is difficult. I wish I had more advice! I am struggling myself.