still upset

[kosh]

just posted in post-natal support, but maybe I can get some help here too?

this is the post

thanks

 

[Amygdala]

Hm, don't really know what to tell you. I had my natural water birth last time but was in a LOT of pain and pretty traumatised for a long time. I remember going to read my notes at the hospital and being close to tears about half a year later. I've not really thought about it in a long time now though and when I do think about it, I'm at peace with it. I'm not even scared of my upcoming second birth so I guess I must have somehow got over it. Maybe what I'm saying is "time will heal all wounds"?
But then, if it's upsetting you, maybe you need more closure? You can request a "birth debrief" meeting where a midwife or consultant will go through your notes with you. Maybe having a better understanding of why and how things happened will help you put them behind you? Or maybe you could try writing down a detailed account of your memories, including how you feel about what happened and any fears you might have for the future. Or talk it through with your OH or a good friend. Often these things come with feelings of guilt or having failed and often it takes some digging to find out that that's what's wrong. Exploring your feelings about the birth will be a first step to letting them go.

 

[berniegroves]

Hi,
I also wanted a natural labour. I wanted a home birth but when I was actually in labour they refused and so we ended up in hospital. Everything was fine until I needed to push and then they told me to lie on the bed. I did it as I was dazed and tired and thought they must know best. But in hindsight I should have taken control and maybe things would have been different.
I pushed for 2 hours and ended up with emergency forceps. At the time I didn't care as I just wanted my baby. But afterwards I felt like a failure and was very upset. Even now almost 2 years later I still feel upset about it. But it is what it is and I have learned and grown. I know my second labour will be different as I will have more faith in myself and my body.
I hope you find some peace with what happened and are able to move past it.
I just look at DD and think it doesn't really matter how she got here, she is healthy and that's all that matters in the bigger picture. But I understand its difficult to accept a labour that didn't go to plan
X

 

[lynnikins]

my first labour went from being a calm peaceful waterbirth to being an emergancy ventouse with my legs in stirrups an unwanted episiotomy and far more people starting up at me from between my legs than i was comfortable with!
It took me a while to deal with it since ds1 was in neonatal for a week following i had some good chats with my MW who came up to the hospital to debrief with me thankfully, ive gone on to deal with a bit of that experience a bit more with each subsequent birth and planning my 2nd homewaterbirth right now hopefully in the next few weeks, Ive gotten stick off my MW's for my " i know what i want and will fight for it " attitude but I am desperate not to repeat any part of my first experience