Still very mixed emotions...MC 26/10/09

[Lotti1978]

Hi

I miscarried at 6 weeks pg.....

I had some time off work but then went back, too early as I found out and other commented on this at work....I was signed off for a week initially and it was the worst week ever,,,,had another shock, my hubby had agreed to a friend (not close) to come over from oz for xmas, for 7 weeks and to bring her friend for xmas....ARGHHHHHHHHH I felt ill......anyway, he did it with the best intentions but another example of him not listening,,,,Id mentioned so many times that it would be unbearable to have her here as she hasn't changed since she was 15...very manipulating and draining.....after one week I told her everything...she knew about the miscarriage but not that my marriage was strained....she took off and came back for xmad day.....It was a very stressful shock at a very bad time!!!!!!!!! I did improve thought a few days later I felt some strength.....I had been in a very dark place, felt like I couldn;t cope and function.

Im back to work and a sense of normality but my marriage isn't great. About a year ago amidst a very stressful time, I woke up one morning and felt differently about my husband....since then we have been ok apart from sexually...I don't want to have sex with him, I feel nothing passionatly.
Since the miscarriage, i feel the last scraps of loving feeling has died. We get on really well and have a lovely life but the intimacy has gone for me.
I feel I have changed since the miscarriage, I don't remember things like normal. I used to be very organised and sharp but Im not, this was apparent lately as its christmas but also in many areas of my life....I feel like there is a part of me that has died....a void, black hole that has changed me and I fear I will never get back to my old self.

Sorry this is long, I just wondered if anyone else feels similar?????
Hubby thinks Im suffering from PTS-post traumatic stress, I have had many stresses over the years, big ones, not normal life ones....maybe I need a holiday or something??

Thanks for listening
Love and Light
Charlotte xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[aviolet]

I'm so sorry If you do have PTS it is a very real thing that should be handled delicately to help you heal and get back to your "normal" self. It's understandable that you would feel a void after losing your baby, but if there's more stress to your life that goes back before the conception of the baby and if it's been left undealt with I highly recommend finding someone who can help possibly a counselor with whom you can talk through your feelings and emotions and memories. And also some time away on a holiday might help so that you aren't juggling the stresses of work and everyday life. again sorry things are rocky for you right now, i hope you and your husband can find a solution to your troubles

 

[Tulip]

So sorry to hear you're struggling Charlotte. I agree with Violet, I think talking to someone about your feelings would really help - if you can work out what caused your change in feelings towards hubby, you may be able to reverse it. Sadly I'm sure your mc can't have helped your wellbeing.

I hope you find a positive way through this... and in the meantime we're all here to listen x

 

[debgreasby]

Huge hugs for you. So sorry you are having such a hard time. I agree with the others, go see your doctor and see if you can get counselling.

Hope things improve for you soon x

 

[ceejayflower]

just joined up. had my d and c yesterday and not sure what to do about work?

 

[hevsmith]

I read your post and have had similar feelings. I miscarried at 6 weeks and had a scan the week before xmas and I thought I was just under 11 weeks according to my dates but baby had died at 6 weeks according to the scan. The first thing I said was "i didn't think it would happen to us". I don't know why but felt the pregnancy would go really well.

Time has passed and I have been up and down like a yoyo with emotions. Never felt like this before in my whole life (this was my first pregnancy). Had the all clear at the hospital since another scan on the 30/12/09 and can draw a line under it now in the sense that I can get better. It doesn't stop my emotions and now recently even spending some quality time with my fiance doesn't even help. We start to argue over the most silly things. I keep thinking when will all this end and life will be normal again and we can have a giggle. I think all in all it had put a hole in our relationship and we need to rebuild it again.

We had my fiance's sister round on new years eve, I suggested it bec. I thought it might help her bec. the Mother in Law isn't very well. It was a bad mistake and my fiance's sister left bec. our house early bec. there was atmosphere with my and my fiance bec. we dissagreed on somthing so this made me feel guilty that it was all my fault. I felt as though they were enjoying themselves and I wasn't. I think a mc can make you feel isolated and lonely. I think it is better to be on your own until you get yourself back on track as a couple. I think its only to be expected if you have been through a mc but I also think men deal with mc's differently and move on differently than women.

It may be good to book a holiday so you have something to look forward to and focus on. I may start driving lessons to take my mind of things. I think it is a good thing to focus on something other than trying to have another baby.

We are going to not plan but see what happens and if I get pregnant then it's meant to be.

Hope you get things sorted and hope my advice helps and feel free to send me a message on your thoughts.

 

[Drazic<3]

Have you thought about going to see a grief councillor hun? I know my hospital offers them after loss. Might help you get your thoughts in order. Sending loads of love and