Still wearing diaper's at 6?

[aliss]

Just my opinion but...

It's really not your place to be criticizing their parenting. Her mother and father are the ones to deal with the issue, and they seem to be dealing with it in their own way. He isn't listening to you anymore because he probably feels you are overstepping with this.

Check out the single parent's forum here and you'll see how upset and frustrated these women are when the stepmother is criticizing their parenting. I don't think you would appreciate it if she started criticizing you for your parenting when you have your child.

 

[BabyL0Ve]

Just my opinion but...

It's really not your place to be criticizing their parenting. Her mother and father are the ones to deal with the issue, and they seem to be dealing with it in their own way. He isn't listening to you anymore because he probably feels you are overstepping with this.

Check out the single parent's forum here and you'll see how upset and frustrated these women are when the stepmother is criticizing their parenting. I don't think you would appreciate it if she started criticizing you for your parenting when you have your child.

You are far away from where i am standing...not knowing anything about this family shouldn't give you a reason to "criticize me" I just wanted some opinions here on what age kids potty train. Actually DH and I thought her to sleep in her room by her self and he is so thankful I am here for him because without me she was probably still going to sleep in his room. He in fact is listenning to me this is why he is enforcing a new way of putting the pull ups, told his mom and the mother as way for the new rule and hopefully by couple of months we achieve the goal and we have a happy potty trained little girl!

 

[BabyL0Ve]

Just my opinion but...

It's really not your place to be criticizing their parenting. Her mother and father are the ones to deal with the issue, and they seem to be dealing with it in their own way. He isn't listening to you anymore because he probably feels you are overstepping with this.

Check out the single parent's forum here and you'll see how upset and frustrated these women are when the stepmother is criticizing their parenting. I don't think you would appreciate it if she started criticizing you for your parenting when you have your child.

Oh and yes she is already criticizing on how I "should treat myself" during pregnancy. So like I said all I wanted is opinions here so chill out !.
Take care

 

[shaerichelle]

Babylove, as a stepmom and mom I understand your frustration.

First I would see if she has a health issue. (My son does at the age 7) If not shes at your house. I would take her to the store and get her some special night time undies I am not sure where you are. I am in the US, but here they have plastic things you can put over the underwear. They are toddler sized, but I put them on my son sometimes..he is smaller. He had plastic cover on his bed and extra waterproof baby padding ontop of that then his sheets for night time. It helped. I would go about it dont tell Dh and dont worry about her mom. Just remember she may have a health issue or her body is in to much deep sleep to realize she needs to get up. Message me anytime.

 

[BabyL0Ve]

Babylove, as a stepmom and mom I understand your frustration.

First I would see if she has a health issue. (My son does at the age 7) If not shes at your house. I would take her to the store and get her some special night time undies I am not sure where you are. I am in the US, but here they have plastic things you can put over the underwear. They are toddler sized, but I put them on my son sometimes..he is smaller. He had plastic cover on his bed and extra waterproof baby padding ontop of that then his sheets for night time. It helped. I would go about it dont tell Dh and dont worry about her mom. Just remember she may have a health issue or her body is in to much deep sleep to realize she needs to get up. Message me anytime.

Hey there
thank you for the response and the great idea I will give it a try BABY DUST TO YOU!

 

[tasha41]

If the cause of all her problems is her mother's "laziness" why don't you & DH fight for custody or something, sorry just putting it out there as surely not potty training a 6 year old just because you can't be arsed and not taking care of their hygiene well enough that they develop constant eczema from 4-6 is neglect...

Good luck with the whole situation though.

 

[bek74]

Maybe you could do a reward chart at your house. Everytime she comes over and doesn't wear a pull up and is accident free put a gold star on her chart. Once she has 4 stars (2 visits) she gets a reward (cheap toy, Mc Donalds, ice cream cone) just something simple.
Let it be her choice, if she says " but my mum and nan put a pull up on me" you say ' I know sweetheart, and you can wear one if you want, but I just think your big girl now and you don't need to "

Unfortunatly other than that there isn't much you can do.

My 3 sons were fully toilet trained day and night by 2.5yrs of age.

 

[cupcake]

wow I cant believe her mother still lets her wear diapers at almost 7.
I think you are in a tough position as you are not her mother and its her mothers choice on how to bring her up. I would not force the issue with your DH or with her mother what for?
The only thing I think is fair is to offer her when she is at your house not to wear the pull-ups if she wants to, and tell her if she is dry she will get a reward. Going against her parents is giving her mixed messages and confusing and I would think makes her even more stressed out, so why not ask her mom if she agrees if its okay for you to offer this to her. I personally agree with you, its nonesense that she is still in diapers and her bladder wont just strengthen she needs to go through some accidents and learn but I think that for everyone's sake its best to tread lightly.

 

[Bingo]

I would loose the pull-ups when she's staying with you and get her involved in washing the sheets and wiping down the (plastic covered) mattress when and if she wets in the night. If she's just being lazy she will soon learn that it's easier not to wet so she can avoid having to clean up after herself in the morning. If not, then she is involved and given responsibility which every child needs. Speak to her about the new rules without making a big deal of it and certainly don't punish her in any way if she does wet. Just carry on as normal. It can be an awful thing for a child to have to deal with when they have no control over it.

 

[shaerichelle]

Babylove, as a stepmom and mom I understand your frustration.

First I would see if she has a health issue. (My son does at the age 7) If not shes at your house. I would take her to the store and get her some special night time undies I am not sure where you are. I am in the US, but here they have plastic things you can put over the underwear. They are toddler sized, but I put them on my son sometimes..he is smaller. He had plastic cover on his bed and extra waterproof baby padding ontop of that then his sheets for night time. It helped. I would go about it dont tell Dh and dont worry about her mom. Just remember she may have a health issue or her body is in to much deep sleep to realize she needs to get up. Message me anytime.

Hey there
thank you for the response and the great idea I will give it a try BABY DUST TO YOU!

You are welcome. I know how it is seriously. As a stepmom its so hard when you care about the children so much.

Thank you for the babydust.

 

[Minstermind]

The comments like ''Wow, can't believe a 6 or 7 year old is wearing diapers'' is pretty understandable if you've never had a child with this problem or if you have and they responded successfully to rewards or other methods (in other words, the problem wasn't one where they were sleeping too deeply to wake but other ''fixable'' reasons). I think I would feel the same if I hadn't experienced the situation with my son. But this is one of those situations in life where I've been shown that my opinion and attitude towards it wasn't necessarily correct and the solution is not always as straightforward as some people like to think.

I couldn't quote a percentage but I would say a high percentage of bedwetters would respond well to rewards, not wearing pull-ups, having them clean the bed themselves, encouragement, etc... and it is DEFINITELY a good thing to do whatever is possible to help the child solve this issue. But I just want to point out that it's not true of every bedwetting situation so it's best to go into it with an open mind.

If I were convinced that the issue with this bedwetting girl was not that she just wasn't waking up for it, and she responded well to other treatments (reward system or whatever), then I'd be inclined to simply not put the pull-ups on her and do my own thing with her when she was at my house. My house my rules kind of deal.

I suppose the problem is if your husband is not allowing this option to happen and wants her in pull-ups anyway. But it sounds from your last post that he is listening more to your thoughts and advice and going with your ideas, so maybe you can sort this one too.

 

[Weeplin]

Aimee wears Huggies Pyjama pants at night and she is 6. I am not a lazy mother I just feel they are the best option for her. I wet the bed until I was about 10 or 11 and I am not ashamed to admit it because it was a condition. I was a heavy sleeper, I was bullied both at school and at home and my bladder just had not matured. It is called enuresis and if a parent suffered from it there is a 40% chance that the child will too. 70% if both parents suffered from it. One day it just stopped.

I feel Aimee has just simply inherited it from me and you cannot force a child to stop wetting the bed when her body has not matured enough to enable that. Her brain needs to build the connections that will wake her when she needs the loo.

By all means contact your GP or school nurse but I personally don't feel that getting angry about it will help. She may even feel pressure and you could hurt her self esteem if she see's you or anyone else getting angry about the situation or angry at her. Resulting in only making the situation worse. I know, it happened with me. My step father used to really bully me about it.

With Aimee my partner and I don't talk about our concerns infront of her. We limit her drinks when it gets late, she goes to the toilet before bed and is down immediately when she wakes up. We encourage her and make a big deal about it when it is dry to build confidence and we just say "oh well, maybe next time!" when it is wet but I only believe she will truly have dry nights when her body is ready.

Just my opinion..check out the Drynites site HERE for some really useful and truthful info.

Just my thoughts and doings in the end you cant change how some one thinks, but to come out and say that your step daughters mother is lazy for putting her in Drynites I feel is out of order and you have in essense just called every mother including myself lazy for that statement which just creates anger.It is just a difference of opinion but there is more facts in what I am saying than in what you are and you can find loads of articles online which prove my point.

 

[marley2580]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you say that she had been dry in the past when she stayed with you and you left the nappies off? If this is the case then doesn't it mean that she is capable of being dry overnight? Personally, I would suggest having a chat with her and seeing how she feels about it.

 

[Minstermind]

Great post Weeplin. I suppose that's what I caught onto in this thread...not even the specific situation with this 6 year old girl (as every child is different) but the overall implication I got from it towards bigger kids in general with this problem (it was the thread title that caught my eye really). I think I could have been guilty of having the same attitude towards it had I not experienced the situation with my son firsthand and I know better now, armed with a lot of personal experience and research on the matter. So I'm not directing my comments at the specific girl and situation in the original post so much as the tone of judgment towards a 6 year old (or any bigger kid) who has this problem.

 

[cupcake]

I think you brought up an excellent point, assuming the child does not actually have a problem health wise I still stand by my advice, but if she does, and everyone is right you should make sure you have the facts then there is no point in pushing her and you would need to know more about it.

 

[BabyL0Ve]

Maybe you could do a reward chart at your house. Everytime she comes over and doesn't wear a pull up and is accident free put a gold star on her chart. Once she has 4 stars (2 visits) she gets a reward (cheap toy, Mc Donalds, ice cream cone) just something simple.
Let it be her choice, if she says " but my mum and nan put a pull up on me" you say ' I know sweetheart, and you can wear one if you want, but I just think your big girl now and you don't need to "

Unfortunatly other than that there isn't much you can do.

My 3 sons were fully toilet trained day and night by 2.5yrs of age.

Thank you I love the chart idea!!

 

[BabyL0Ve]

The comments like ''Wow, can't believe a 6 or 7 year old is wearing diapers'' is pretty understandable if you've never had a child with this problem or if you have and they responded successfully to rewards or other methods (in other words, the problem wasn't one where they were sleeping too deeply to wake but other ''fixable'' reasons). I think I would feel the same if I hadn't experienced the situation with my son. But this is one of those situations in life where I've been shown that my opinion and attitude towards it wasn't necessarily correct and the solution is not always as straightforward as some people like to think.

I couldn't quote a percentage but I would say a high percentage of bedwetters would respond well to rewards, not wearing pull-ups, having them clean the bed themselves, encouragement, etc... and it is DEFINITELY a good thing to do whatever is possible to help the child solve this issue. But I just want to point out that it's not true of every bedwetting situation so it's best to go into it with an open mind.

If I were convinced that the issue with this bedwetting girl was not that she just wasn't waking up for it, and she responded well to other treatments (reward system or whatever), then I'd be inclined to simply not put the pull-ups on her and do my own thing with her when she was at my house. My house my rules kind of deal.

I suppose the problem is if your husband is not allowing this option to happen and wants her in pull-ups anyway. But it sounds from your last post that he is listening more to your thoughts and advice and going with your ideas, so maybe you can sort this one too.

Thank you for the time and the response! We will try the chart rewarding and hopefully that starts to motivate her and loose the pull ups soon I just know she can do it but if others aren't enforcing it, it's confusing her..

 

[BabyL0Ve]

Aimee wears Huggies Pyjama pants at night and she is 6. I am not a lazy mother I just feel they are the best option for her. I wet the bed until I was about 10 or 11 and I am not ashamed to admit it because it was a condition. I was a heavy sleeper, I was bullied both at school and at home and my bladder just had not matured. It is called enuresis and if a parent suffered from it there is a 40% chance that the child will too. 70% if both parents suffered from it. One day it just stopped.

I feel Aimee has just simply inherited it from me and you cannot force a child to stop wetting the bed when her body has not matured enough to enable that. Her brain needs to build the connections that will wake her when she needs the loo.

By all means contact your GP or school nurse but I personally don't feel that getting angry about it will help. She may even feel pressure and you could hurt her self esteem if she see's you or anyone else getting angry about the situation or angry at her. Resulting in only making the situation worse. I know, it happened with me. My step father used to really bully me about it.

With Aimee my partner and I don't talk about our concerns infront of her. We limit her drinks when it gets late, she goes to the toilet before bed and is down immediately when she wakes up. We encourage her and make a big deal about it when it is dry to build confidence and we just say "oh well, maybe next time!" when it is wet but I only believe she will truly have dry nights when her body is ready.

Just my opinion..check out the Drynites site HERE for some really useful and truthful info.

Just my thoughts and doings in the end you cant change how some one thinks, but to come out and say that your step daughters mother is lazy for putting her in Drynites I feel is out of order and you have in essense just called every mother including myself lazy for that statement which just creates anger.It is just a difference of opinion but there is more facts in what I am saying than in what you are and you can find loads of articles online which prove my point.

Thanks for the response. We don't really talk infront of her about these things. And I am sorry but she really is lazy...her house is a mess, little one gets all kinds of allergies and they are sick all the time. Hair is never brushed etc easy things like...This is where the "lazy comment" is coming from

 

[Weeplin]

Aimee wears Huggies Pyjama pants at night and she is 6. I am not a lazy mother I just feel they are the best option for her. I wet the bed until I was about 10 or 11 and I am not ashamed to admit it because it was a condition. I was a heavy sleeper, I was bullied both at school and at home and my bladder just had not matured. It is called enuresis and if a parent suffered from it there is a 40% chance that the child will too. 70% if both parents suffered from it. One day it just stopped.

I feel Aimee has just simply inherited it from me and you cannot force a child to stop wetting the bed when her body has not matured enough to enable that. Her brain needs to build the connections that will wake her when she needs the loo.

By all means contact your GP or school nurse but I personally don't feel that getting angry about it will help. She may even feel pressure and you could hurt her self esteem if she see's you or anyone else getting angry about the situation or angry at her. Resulting in only making the situation worse. I know, it happened with me. My step father used to really bully me about it.

With Aimee my partner and I don't talk about our concerns infront of her. We limit her drinks when it gets late, she goes to the toilet before bed and is down immediately when she wakes up. We encourage her and make a big deal about it when it is dry to build confidence and we just say "oh well, maybe next time!" when it is wet but I only believe she will truly have dry nights when her body is ready.

Just my opinion..check out the Drynites site HERE for some really useful and truthful info.

Just my thoughts and doings in the end you cant change how some one thinks, but to come out and say that your step daughters mother is lazy for putting her in Drynites I feel is out of order and you have in essense just called every mother including myself lazy for that statement which just creates anger.It is just a difference of opinion but there is more facts in what I am saying than in what you are and you can find loads of articles online which prove my point.

Thanks for the response. We don't really talk infront of her about these things. And I am sorry but she really is lazy...her house is a mess, little one gets all kinds of allergies and they are sick all the time. Hair is never brushed etc easy things like...This is where the "lazy comment" is coming from

Ahh right, well if she doesn't do all those things then yes. She is lazy, I see mothers like that at my daughters school who evidently don't even know what an iron is! lol. I thought you meant the only reason she was lazy was because she put the girl in PJ pants/nappies

I hope you get the issue sorted hon

 

[shaerichelle]

I had another thought. It could be an emotional issue. I am thinking that is what my sons issue is. So she could be dealing with it that way. Either way..its always good to start a rewards chart and see where she goes. Cause you never know