stressed by parents! advice please

[mummyb2b]

I wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like this and has any advice?

My parents for the most part are great and I love them dearly but what they are doing is pushing me away + worse than that having an adverse effect on my health and in turn the health of my unborn child which is driving me to the point of cutting them out!

Some background...
I didn’t meet my husband until late in life. Up until that point mum & dad essentially got their own way over things involving me. What I mean by that is if they wanting something to happen their way they would pressure me until I gave in (I know now it was a rod for my own back but at the time with 2 against 1 it was easier!) (Btw my brother doesn’t get this as he does what he wants and sees it as tough if they don’t like it but they accept that from him for some reason!)

when I was getting married (what should be one of the happiest times of our lives) again we made some choices about our wedding (visiting venues etc.) that they didn’t like (liked the venue but didn’t like that we wanting to plan our wedding ourselves and although involved them didn’t let them decide things for us!) and their response was to cause such upset that they wouldn’t speak to us for weeks (until I wrote to try and smooth things over - me having to make 1st move not them!) they very nearly didn’t come to the wedding but did in the end!

if they ring and get the answer phone and I don’t respond within few hours (or less sometimes) I often get an aggressive 2nd message saying that I obviously not picking up my messages or I obviously avoiding them etc. no, I’m just busy or OUT! I have told them I have a mobile if its urgent call me on that, if not wait and I will call them when I get the message!

I am now well into my third trimester pregnant with our 1st child and they again are causing upset and stress. I was admitted to hosp week last Monday only overnight with vomiting and severe backache, I was sent home Tuesday as seemed ok, came for a bp check Thursday and was borderline high but had protein in my urine & was dehydrated as was still being sick, so was admitted again for monitoring was again classed ok to come home as hydration levels were up! On the Friday, had a routine midwife appointment this last Monday and she sent me back to hosp as thought I was still dehydrated. As it turns out, I wasn't but due to blood pressure & the protein still in my urine I was again admitted (and am still here with suspected pre eclampsia 3 days later)
I have asked mum & dad not to tell people I’m in hospital, a) I don’t want everyone knowing b) I don’t want people pestering me with messages that you feel obliged to answer when all you want to do is rest and recover c) I don’t want people worrying d) they don’t need to know. But mum & dad seem to have a problem with this and want to tell everyone. I see it as not their thing to tell and that they should respect my wishes (they have told people private medical things in the past so I don’t feel I can trust them to keep quiet about things)
Yesterday they came to see me in hosp and started trying to pressure me into letting them tell people. I said no (several times) and they still tried to push it saying that they don’t want to lie to people (how are they lying if they just don’t volunteer the info) + how would anyone know there is a reason to ask anything so they would need to bring up the subject of me anyway! I ended up saying if they want to tell people fine, but don’t expect me to tell them anything going forward. To which they stormed out of the hospital.
At one point they said it is OUR grandchild, I responded NO its mine & my husband’s child! I also pointed out that I was in hosp trying to control my bp and really was not helping. In fact as a response to this my bp has significantly risen and I now have to take medication for it.
Sorry for the rant but I just need some advice or something please tell me your thoughts either way!

 

[laceyinthesky]

Yikes! Do you maybe have someone who can bring them aside and tell them that they need to leave you alone as they are stressing you out more therefore keeping you in the hospital longer? Like maybe a doctor or midwife or even hubby?

I'm so sorry your parents aren't taking the hint!

 

[MomPepperdine]

Sorry doll face! My mom is the same way! Thankfully my dh gave me a back bone ( ) and I've been able to put my foot down on things!

I have the same thing I just give in and my brothers are th same as far as doing what they want. I would stop giving them info And give them the cold sholder for a few days like you said you need to relax (my mom would tell me I need to relax stress isn't good for baby, but she was the one causing the stress!)

 

[Bubsta]

Oh sweets, you need to do what ever it takes to have some peace. The ball is in their court as to what they need to do to make that happen. It sounds like you have made some of your feelings known when you last saw them. I would leave it now. The next move is theirs to make, and if its not in the direction that you want, then you need to tell them how it is. Try and be calm and factual. Eg, this is what I would like from you (support me an my wishes), this is what I need from you (your love and not to argue with me) and this is what I expect from you (if I have explained what my wishes are, please don't continue to argue with me and expect me to give in, and don't throw a tantrum when you dont get your own way). This is your life & your baby. They need to be making this time as easy for you as they can.... Not adding to raising stress levels.
Hang in their Hun. Stand your ground and don't let them dictate how you will live your life. xx

 

[katsbump]

Wow, I thought my mother was overbearing! You poor thing. I think you need to stand up to them when you're better but for now just keep your distance for your baby's and your health. No more hospital visits. I just hang up on my mom if she's being awful on the phone (that doesn't sound very constructive but it removes the stress very quickly, particularly I'd you also unplug the phone). It sounds like they've gotten away with really manipulating situations to get the outcome they want In th past but I feel once you have a baby of your own there need to be more boundaries (for myself too).

Sorry they're being difficult. It sounds like you care about them a lot and but in this situation it is their problem. Do whatever you need to in the next bit to be as happy and healthy as possible. They'll get over it!

 

[Mum2BKW]

My Mum can be like this, it's all about her... I feel your pain!

How well do you get on with your brother? If they tend to listen to him a bit more maybe he could tell them to back off?