Stressed!!

[heather72589]

So Hubby finally landed a new job which will make us move 2000 miles away next month, we were soooooo excited for the new move, and about TTC early next year. Over the weekend my Father-in-law had a stroke and now we have no idea what we are doing. Im so stressed out so we are for sure preventing again just until things settle down. We still want to move but we are worried about his father, and we not sure how well the rest of the family will take care of him and meet his new needs.

I feel bummed because I dont know what the right choice would be, I dont want to leave his dad but at the same time if we dont go we would never be able to make ends meet here taking care of our finanicial situation AND all of his dads. I feel like with this new job we could help his dad more by being able to take care of more bills, but of course the other family members think its selfish of us, and dont want to help one bit... I was just wanting a few opinions from ya'll to see maybe what ya'll would do if ya'll were in the same position???

 

[AnnaLaura]

Hi Heather,

I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. Could you get him temporary arrangements and then have him come live with you (or near you if he needs nursing care) once you get settled?

 

[heather72589]

Thanks for your reply I appreciate any and all advice since we have never been through anything like this before...
We thought about the nursing care and all, but unfortunately he did not have insurance so right now we are trying to get some financial assistance for him and see what kind of governmental aids he qualifies for because he is so young (47) we are almost positive we can get him on medicaide since he is considered disabled but we are still waiting for the decision from them.

We would move him with us, but he has to have a bypass surgery in about 4-6 weeks and is in a physical therapy rehab until then so we can't move him until after the surgery and my DH would have to start his job before then. His dad is doing really well so far, and he has really pushed the issue of us still moving. He wants us to go so we can take care of everything. I guess our only problem is his dad's ex-wife (my MONSTER-in-law) and his brother dont want to help out with his dad while we get settled in another state.

 

[AnnaLaura]

These kinds of things are the worst. Just thinking. Would you be willing to stay behind and monitor his care while your husband goes ahead and gets settled in your new place? Or go, and you come back in a couple of weeks and your husband stays behind.

Or go ahead and move, and then bring him when he's able to travel after the surgery. I understand though, that he will be basically alone until you return to get him.

Usually in cases like this, you can get advice from a social worker who, if it's a good one, can inform you of your options. If he's in the hospital or a rehab/nursing home, they will have one you can talk to.

 

[heather72589]

staying behind to help him through his surgery while hubby goes to work is an option (although a hard decision with our DD being 2 lol) we are seriously considering this option now, and I never thought about a social worker, he was assigned one in the physical therapy center so I think I will schedule something with her... Thanks so much for the support and info!!

It always helps to have people to talk to! I have plenty of friends to call, but none of them have kids and they just dont understand how upsetting big decisions like these can be... DH and our DD are really close (she is a daddy's girl) so it is completly do-able I just know how upsetting it will be to be away from each other for a couple of weeks!! I seriously dont know how military wives do it

 

[AnnaLaura]

staying behind to help him through his surgery while hubby goes to work is an option (although a hard decision with our DD being 2 lol) we are seriously considering this option now, and I never thought about a social worker, he was assigned one in the physical therapy center so I think I will schedule something with her... Thanks so much for the support and info!!

Yes, please talk to her. She'll have all kinds of information for you. Sorry to be so bossy, but be sure to write down any questions you can think of and also the main points of your situation. She can help you get any paperwork started, too. The bureaucracy in this kind of thing can be very daunting although I don't know how bad it is in Louisiana.

It always helps to have people to talk to! I have plenty of friends to call, but none of them have kids and they just dont understand how upsetting big decisions like these can be... DH and our DD are really close (she is a daddy's girl) so it is completly do-able I just know how upsetting it will be to be away from each other for a couple of weeks!! I seriously dont know how military wives do it

Well, if you do decide to go this route, it won't be but for a short time. Could they talk on the phone regularly?

I don't know how military wives do it either. I've been married 20 years and have only been away from my husband for 5 days and that was all at once.

Good luck! I'll be interested to know what you decide.