Struggling to cope after an abortion

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by squidge87, Oct 8, 2008.

  1. squidge87

    squidge87 Well-Known Member

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    I had a d+c when I was 16 (nearly 5 years ago now!) and I am desperately wanting a baby, but my boyfriend isn't ready yet and doesn't think I am. I didn't want an abortion last time I had been to the doctor telling him I was keeping it and he arranged for a midwife to get in touch with me. But then I told my parents, they didn't want me to 'ruin my life' but I feel like that's what I have done! Constantly dealing with feelings of guilt and grief! My boyfriend and I weren't together at the time but we have been back together 4 1/2 years. I feel so empty, I don't just want a baby I want the pregnancy and everything that comes with it (everything I missed before) I want to feel it growing inside me! I want the hurting and crying to stop!
     
  2. Margerle

    Margerle Well-Known Member

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  3. Cariad_bach

    Cariad_bach mum to 2 boys and 2 girls

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    Aww hun i dont know what to say.
    Im sure your parents meant well i suppose, i want to go on about how you cant live in the past and how you must look forwards etc but im sure you've heard all that before. you need to let go of the guilt hun, you have nothing to feel guilty for.

    Sending hugs to you xxxxxxx
     
  4. squidge87

    squidge87 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah my OH keeps saying that too, I don't think he completely understands because I wasn't with him at the time, but the night before he did walk 2 miles down a country road in dark and rain to see me and make sure I was alrite! That was when I realised I wanted to be back with him. So I do see it positively in a way because we didn't start talkin again til he found out I was pregnant! Better cheer up a bit now have got an interview in an hour!
     
  5. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    I am sorry to hear your story hun.

    When we look back, we tend to romantasise a bit too....so you imagine that the pregnancy would have been perfect and you would have got back together and lived a lovely family life. But maybe thats not what would have happened in reality.

    Maybe the good parts of this bad situation are that you both got back together and now your relationship is strong and sturdy enough to tread the rocky road of TTC and having babies.

    I don't by any means mean to offend you, so I hope I haven't - just, as you say, perhaps there is a little positive from it?

    And I think that means accepting the positives and dealing with the negatives and moving on. Not forgetting. Just moving on.

    In my mind, there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. But it's in your mind that that needs to be believed.

    I wish you all the very best for your future. Hugs x
     
  6. tinytoes

    tinytoes Guest

    Have you tried some form of counselling? It might be best to talk things through with someone before trying for your baby? Another might not replace the pain of not having your first? Just a thought..i hope you get all you want soon.
     
  7. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    I agree with tinytoes on the counseling idea. You can't live out your life full of regret because it will just eat you alive.
     
  8. squidge87

    squidge87 Well-Known Member

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    I've been to the docs recently (finally admitted i need help!) I'm waiting for a letter from something called stepping forward
     
  9. Dream.A.Dream

    Dream.A.Dream Mum to 6yo and WTT #2!

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  10. charliesmom

    charliesmom Dad, daughter, 2 chis

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    I think what you need is counceling, not to replace and redo what you didn't do before just to try to take the guilt away, especially when the both of you know you're not ready. It would be horrible idea to bring a new life into this world for not the right reasons, and you're not ready.
     
  11. xxxjacxxx

    xxxjacxxx My Eggo is Preggo!

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    Just wanted to give you big :hug:
    Your story is close to home for me so I know how you feel.:hugs:

    Good Luck in the future honey. xxx
     
  12. destiny27

    destiny27 Well-Known Member

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  13. alyxzandra

    alyxzandra Mom to Sebastian

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    Oh, I am sorry you feel this way. And I have been there myself. My mother forced me into two abortions (one time using threats) when I was in my teens and she said the same thing as your parents. It has been well over 20 years and I now have a baby, but I've never forgotten my two lost babies. I do think counselling will help you deal with it.
     
  14. princess_x0

    princess_x0 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun,
    I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I am going through the same thing. I am 17, had the d+c almost three months ago. I didn't want to get rid of my baby, but I was talked into it. Saying that it would 'ruin' my life. Now it is the biggest mistake I have made in my life, and I doubt I will ever make another mistake as big as this one. Everyday is filled with guilt, grief and heartache. You feel like all you want is your baby back.
    I personally have not had any counselling. I find it hard to talk about with anyone, especially my mum, as she has two terminations and she says she doesn't regret them at all, therefore would probably think I was just being a drama queen.
    If you ever want to chat please just give me a shout hun. Maybe we can help each other xxx
     
  15. hollie3

    hollie3 Member

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    Hi just want to say that its definitely a positive step getting councelling, i had a termination 6 months ago however i havent felt ready to talk openly about it yet. i also didnt want it and definitely didnt stand up for myself now i think about it everyday i think about getting pregnant again just to replace my terminated child even though deep down i know i should wait because he/she can never be replaced. All i can say is wait until your boyfriend is ready because then he wont have any suprises and you will enjoy your pregnancy journey even more knowing that he/she was a planned miracle not a mistake on your part. Im here to chat and know what youve been through so message me anytime. Hollie X
     
  16. honeybunch2k7

    honeybunch2k7 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: :hugs:

    Just AWEFUL of your parents to say that! My folks said that to me,too. I don't understand why they don't understand that they are talking so badly about their future grandchild??? I dont' understand the "your doomed/your life is ruined" attitude either. A baby is a blessing, and sometimes blessing come sooner than planned.

    I agree that you may benefit from conseling and support groups.

    I hope you get your baby, hun.
     

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