Struggling to deal with PND thoughts over my son's operation...

[sequeena]

This may sound really odd to you but please bear with me.

I have PND. Have done since my LO was 7 weeks old. I'm not new to this depression lark, I had depression pre-pregnancy.

When I was heavily pregnant my cat passed away whilst under anaesthetic. I grieved like you do, and a few weeks later my son was born so I essentially moved on.

My son was born with an extra thumb. His ear also didn't develop properly. On Tuesday morning he's having an operation to removed his thumb and to correct his ear.

I have a huge fear of my son being ill. When he was 2 weeks old he was in hospital because he had a blood infection and he was very poorly.

Because of this... and what happened with my cat I am TERRIFIED of my son dying whilst he has his operation. It's getting to the point where I am imaging what would happen if he did die and I have already planned his funeral in my head.

I'm terrified to say anything in real life in case people think I'm completely mental.

Has anyone felt like this? I don't wish for my son to die but I can't stop thinking about what would happen if he did. This has been plaguing me for weeks and come Tuesday morning I'm going to be an absolute wreck.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Had similar feelings? Or am I really just completely cuckoo

 

[Arisa]

Dont want to Read and run
Are you taking any medication for your PND? it will help immensely and ease some of your fears too especially if you have never been on medication before.

 

[sequeena]

Yes I'm on medication and go to a support group x I just find it really hard to relax and not worry

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Hiyas hun,

I answered on your journal, but I'll post a bit more here. When I found out Alex needed an operation for a pacemaker someday, I began to imagine horrific scenarios of his chest being cracked open or his heart stopping on the table too. I'm still terrified of when I have to hand him over to the doctors for that operation. As parents, we strive to protect our children at all costs. I think picturing potential scenarios helps us actually cope with what might happen, but the important thing is to realize that our LOs are in the best hands and the likelyhood of something going wrong is so small. I know Thomas' is cosmetic, but with Alex, I think about how someday, pacing is going to make his life so much better. We're here for you hun no matter what

 

[sequeena]

Thanks Ozzie xx I'm glad I'm not alone I feel so morbid and awful especially when I think of mums who have lost their babies I'm going to be a wreck but I'm going to go into the room with him when they put him under... Just in case.

 

[dan-o]

I can't help, but wanted to send you some xxxx

 

[sequeena]

Thank you dan-o

 

[Leah_xx]

didnt want to R&R but

 

[kanga]

Hi Hun. I haven't had thoughts about lo dying but I have had thoughts about me dying. And when I take pictures or add things to his scrapbook, I think 'he can look back on this as something I did for him before I died so he knows I did care for him and we did do things together'.

wondering if I have pnd now ..

I think its normal for you to be having these anxious thoughts. He will get through it. Hopefully things will be better for you on the otherside of the op x

 

[sequeena]

Thanks everyone x

Kanga I'm the same pictures wise but I worry it's because he'll die and I'll forget how he looked. I'm terrified I'll forget how soft his head is, or how he smells

I'm not really sure what the signs of PND are as I'm sure they're different for everyone... for me it's being anxious, scared of him being hurt/dying, continuously cleaning, finding it hard to cope with him. It doesn't feel much different from my depression except now I just worry all the time.

 

[Baby France]

After I first had my DS I was paranoid that I was going to 'break' him. I worried every time he went to sleep or ate that something was going to happen.

I felt very similar when DD was born too...especially losing her. (She went into hospital at 3 months old due to chicken pox and was very ill with it).

I think its only natural to worry and especially as your LO is so young, you just want to protect.

Big

Hope his operation goes well x

 

[sequeena]

Thank you

It is awful when our LOs are in hospital Thomas was in hospital at 2 weeks old with a blood infection and it was awful to see him like that

 

[kanga]

Sound slke it could be pnd. There are many many symptoms (check out the sticky thread) and you only need a few of them really.

My local hospital is doing a pnd study offering free therapies including cbt, massage ad some other bits that I forget. Have a google and see if there's something similar near you?

 

[sequeena]

Kanga that's brilliant your hospital offers that!

I've already been diagnosed with PND and do have support... but getting better is harder than I thought