Suddenly very clingy around 3??

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by KittyVentura, Oct 7, 2013.

  1. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Hello loves

    We don't view "clingy ness" or attachment negatively here at all but just wondered if this was a phase for many as it is making me anxious about pre-school in Jan.

    Fin has always been quite independent. Then, aside from when hurt or I'll and only Mummy cuddles will do, favoured Daddy for the most part from about 18 months. If he wasn't all about Daddy he was certainly all about Grandma. If either were an option to do something for him he didn't want me to do it. Things like read a story, do shoes etc.

    That has all changed over the last few months and it is at a point where Grandma and Daddy are a little upset by it. He doesn't want to go near anyone bar me. He doesn't want to cuddle anyone bar me and if I leave the room without him? Despair.

    He never used to be very affectionate but now wants to cuddle me all day every day. Cuddles when on sofa, cuddles at the dinner table, cuddles in the bath. Pick me up for cuddles when walking, cuddles on the bus, cuddles at the group. And I don't mean side by side, cuddle while you carry on what you were doing. No this is full on, facing me, arms and legs wrapped round me in full hug mode til I HAVE to remove myself to do something.

    It is all very nice for me. The affection and favouritism has been a long time coming. But Ian is certainly getting hurt when Fin says things like "I don't want to see you in the morning" and refuses to hug him etc.

    We haven't changed routines or had any life events etc to trigger it so I think it is just a phase. For whatever reason he just needs extra reassurance and attention from me right now and that is fine... But will this pass by Jan and if not what can I expect with settling him in at preschool?

    Thanks
     
  2. OmarsMum

    OmarsMum Well-Known Member
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    A boy's thing? I'm not sure Hun, Omar is the same, we bedshare, at around that age hubby moved to the spare room as Omar started to get irritated from having him in bed. If he sees me & hubby cuddling, he comes in the middle, he was close to his dad before he hit 3 years, but now he's not so bothered. We started to arrange daddy time only without me around, they play some boy-ish games like cars, filling them with gas, kicking the ball around, etc.

    We're still working on getting him to give cuddles & kisses to his dad, I encourage him to kiss daddy when he comes home, I do the same & I ask him to copy, we spend time on bed with the 3 of us cuddling (Omar in the middle), daddy picks him up from school without mummy & they talk about plans & what he did at school, daddy buys him small things like markers & papers then they sit in the room colouring. xx

    ETA: I get loads of cuddles throughout the day, when he's playing he takes breaks to get cuddles & kisses, before he went to school he used to spend a good time just sitting on me to talk. He doesn't let his dad offer him food, give him a bath or put him to bed.
     
  3. Pink Flowers

    Pink Flowers Well-Known Member

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    Oliver has ALWAYS favoured Daddy over me, then all of a sudden he wanted to be with me, next to me, sitting on me and hugging me ALL the time. He doesn't allow Daddy to put him to bed or read to him, and that used to be their time in the evenings.

    My HV said it's a boy thing? I have no idea.
     
  4. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    It's totally normal. Apparently (Earl's pre-school told me this) around 3 they get a batch of hormones and a development of fear of the unknown which is a normal part of their growth. They tend to latch onto 1 parent and familiar things and dislike new environments and people.

    Earl went through about 4 months or so where going to pre-school was a nightmare - he would scream and cling on but with help from them he settled back in nicely. He wouldn't let Daddy do anything for him, and even went totally off his old childminder who he loves dearly. He also kept asking us to stay at night instead of us leaving him to go to sleep. I would say it peaked at or around his birthday, having really kicked off in the September, and was done by Christmas.

    According to Earl's old teacher it's completely normal and a mixture of being firm and consistent in your reaction (i.e. re-assurance and not pandering to unreasonable behaviour) will bring them round quite quickly, which Earl certainly did.
     
  5. hattiehippo

    hattiehippo Well-Known Member

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    Tom has always been all about mummy but he was def even clingyer around 3. He moved rooms at nursery at the same time and he was very difficult to drop off cos he just didn't want to leave me.

    As Aimme-lou said, its a developmental stage - they suddenly understand much more about emotions and the feelings of attachment they have to you and they get scared about you not being there. They also understand much more about feeling scared and things being scary around them and so naturally want more reassurance from their favourite person.
     
  6. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Thanks so much ladies xxx
     
  7. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

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    Wow reading this has answered a few questions! We have been going through this recently although LO is almost 4. Daddy can't do story at all, ever. He clings onto me form about 3pm until bedtime. I get told how much I am loved about 40 million times! Obviously its very lovely but I was worried about him.

    We've had lots of changes recently and I was worried about the effect it had on him. Maybe its just another stage to work our way through :)
     
  8. happigail

    happigail Mummy to Kitty and Ashy.

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    Wow you've just described Kitty as well.
     

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