Super frustrated!

[Skywalker]

Okay, I know that no one will be necessarily rolling out the red carpet for me now that I'm pregnant but I'm finding that some of my colleagues who are aware that I'm pregnant either don't really believe or agree with my tiredness and expect me to get through a really long day exactly as I did before I was pregnant. I feel like I wish I had a bit more support in my environment because I'm on the other side of the world from my friends and family and the only people I have around really ARE my colleagues and also my OH and my OH is being as good as he can about this whole thing but this really isn't his area. So I end up feeling like I can't really enjoy my pregnancy or grant myself the right to feel okay about being tired and instead I'm just getting down on myself (or I feel like others are getting down on me) for not getting my normal duties done. I wish that my friends were here so that I could at least have people to talk to about it and potentially someone who'd help me with dishes every once in a while. I feel like it's too hard to explain to these people because one of them was pregnant before and did experience tiredness but I don't think to the extent that I do and so she doesn't really understand, and some others haven't ever been pregnant and just have this idea that I might be a bit tired but I can still do everything I did before. My OH like I say is trying to be nice and understand but he also really does not understand or expect me to slow down even when I have a cold, let alone being pregnant. He just can't understand it. I don't think he's trying to be mean, I just think that he thinks that I read some symptom online and then all the sudden I think I have it, so he thinks that I read that pregnant women get tired and all the sudden I got tired, but of course that's not what happened at all.

I guess this is just a rant because it's really rough being 8,000+ miles away from my friends and family at a time when I'm going through something I've never gone through before in my life and I'm in a different country where I often even get criticized or told to "Go back to America" because I'm not wanted here (nice, right? Not because I did or said anything wrong, simply because I am American.) If I don't get criticized I often have people being REALLY rude to me on the phone when they're not rude to my partner (who is a Kiwi) and that doesn't help things, either. So I feel like the environment I'm in with my colleagues and even with clients is inhospitable and that my OH tries to understand and does what he can but doesn't really, so at the end of the day I feel maxed out and lonely and just really... not ALLOWED to be pregnant, you know? Like everything else is higher priority than how I feel and like it's sort of thought that what I'm feeling is "in my head". I'm thinking of getting a doctor's note to show these people that the tiredness is NOT in my head and maybe even have the doctor write out a prescription for sleep lol! As for some of the people in this country who are rude to me, I can't really do much about that. If someone has a problem with Americans then I guess they have a problem with Americans and I shouldn't take it so personally. Sigh. It does make me really miss home, though.

Thank you for anyone who's read my rant! Lol

 

[LucyLake]

Congrats Skywalker! I remember you from the MC boards!!

I think it's normal that they don't get it. I'm also not sure if the culture surrounding pregnant women in NZ is different than here. As you know, there is more of a medicalized approach here. I'm high risk and it's taken very very seriously. They will put you on bedrest in the hospital for the smallest thing and force work colleagues to understand. Over there, it seems like they don't take high risk cases as seriously...more wait and see approach...I mean I've got friends with TTTS and they don't move on it quick enough! So, perhaps in general pregnancy is considered easier?? I think you're dealing with a different culture, understandably missing family back home, and it feels like no one gets it. Hubby didnt understand until week 6 why I was tired, but it made more sense after he saw the scan

I think you just have to be really forceful and speak up! They won't guess and remember for some there are few symptoms-they either don't remember being tired or they really weren't. Huge hugs and congrats!!!!!

 

[Skywalker]

Congrats Skywalker! I remember you from the MC boards!!

I think it's normal that they don't get it. I'm also not sure if the culture surrounding pregnant women in NZ is different than here. As you know, there is more of a medicalized approach here. I'm high risk and it's taken very very seriously. They will put you on bedrest in the hospital for the smallest thing and force work colleagues to understand. Over there, it seems like they don't take high risk cases S seriously...more wait and see approach...so perhaps in general pregnancy is considered easier?? I think you're dealing with a different culture, understandably missing family back home, and it feels like no one gets it. Hubby didnt understand until week 6 why I was tired, but it made more sense after he saw the scan

I think you just have to be really forceful and speak up! They won't guess and remember for some there are few symptoms-they either don't remember being tired or they really weren't. Huge hugs and congrats!!!!!

Hi Lucylake! I remember you, too! Thanks and congrats to you too! Your message is really reassuring, and true. I had never been pregnant in the States but I do agree with you just from having seen my sister go through her pregnancies. Pregnancy in general seems to be a bit more respected and understood. Maybe there's better education about pregnancy? More about it in the media? I don't know what it is, but I do agree with you, it's a different culture.

I am not too sure exactly what the attitude about pregnancy is here, I only know the attitude I've run into often regarding Americans lol, which was VERY surprising to me because basically everyone I know in the States has a good opinion of New Zealand so the animosity came as a really big surprise to me. I do think it's made way less of a big deal here. I knew a girl here who was 7 months along and didn't even take ANY vitamins and was complaining that her doctor was insisting she take iron. It seems like there's a sort of "toughen up and deal with it" type of attitude here regarding pregnancy. I don't want to be coddled or patted on the head or given sympathy, I just also don't want to be expected to run a marathon, do all the dishes, cook gourmet meals 3 times a day, work full time, keep the house spotless, and do everything with energy and zest and if I don't, then being treated like I'm just being lazy.

There is actually a potential that I AM a high risk pregnancy because I had a liver problem before I even became pregnant and it's been playing up again in the past week. I get my blood back either today or tomorrow to check the liver levels and make sure that everything is okay, but it's a bit scary because my doctor said that even if everything is not okay, they can't do anything for my liver while I am pregnant, no treatments, no surgery, etc. Plus, I did have a miscarriage before, so I REALLY don't want to push myself to achieve everything I'm expected to achieve.

I think it's also true what you said about some women not remembering or just not having the same symptoms in their pregnancies. I also think it's very true I need to speak up. Where my OH and colleagues are concerned, I think getting a note from the doctor is the only thing that is going to convince them. Sometimes a stern word with my OH is enough but then he goes back to not really understanding or at least feeling frustrated with me for not keeping up with what I normally could keep up with.

I'm sorry to hear your pregnancy is high risk! How are you doing?

 

[LucyLake]

It's good Skywalker. It's high risk because they are in the same sac and have a small thin divide. They share the placenta so you can develop twin twin transfusion syndrome, IUGR, TAPS. Because of this I have a specialist, a perinatologist and will have emergency surgery by Dr. Ruben Quintero in Miami, FL should issues arise.

I can see why you're worried and hope you have an easy pregnancy. The liver issue is a very big deal and I hope you can be seen more often as a result. It's great that NZ has a relaxed approach and doesn't just jump to scan, do c-sections, etc, but it's also got to be terrifying!! I know if you're anything like me, your MC is also weighing on your mind and very scary.

I'm so sorry to hear about the animosity!! I hope you can get a doctor's note if they won't respect your concerns about needing rest. in the states with my son in 2004, they let me sit down at a desk after the 6 month mark though I had a university bookstore on your feet job at the time. I hope they can do the same for you....my heart goes out to you!!

 

[Skywalker]

Wow congrats! I didn't realize you're having twins! How wonderful! I wish you the best with your rainbow babies and I can't wait for your news that you delivered two healthy, happy babies!

Well, they did give me a scan right away but I was too early, so I go back for another one on the 19th and I'm anxious to see that everything's going along fine! I had gone to a naturopath the month before becoming pregnant and she tested me for all different types of supplements. I ended up taking $500 worth of supplements because my liver was so swollen that there was a lump over it on my back. After taking the supplements and exercising for a month, the liver felt much better and tested way better and was less inflamed. I stopped exercising a few days before I found out I was pregnant because I just felt so sluggish, but I should probably start exercising again because that actually did help my liver when I was doing it. I can't do the supplements I was taking anymore 1 because they're very expensive and 2 because they're not safe for pregnancy, but light exercise should be fine. It's just a matter of fitting in when I can get that done, but it's obviously top priority that I do everything I can to keep the liver issues in check while I'm pregnant with baby!

That's so good that they let you sit at your job before. I hope that with a little time and doctor's note my colleagues can also be a bit more understanding! I do get to sit for much of the day but I do high intensity/stressful work and work full-time, and then am expected to also put in hours after work while I still have normal life things like laundry and dishes and cooking to do. It's just a lot and I wonder how some pregnant women do it because sometimes I feel like I am weighted down with the weight of the world, literally lol

 

[Googiepie]

I just tell people that unless they have a human being growing inside of them or have experienced pregnancy before, then they don't know and can't judge or assume to know how I feel so when I tell them I'm tired, I actually am. Like the pp said, just be firm and speak up.

 

[44npregnant]

Okay, I know that no one will be necessarily rolling out the red carpet for me now that I'm pregnant but I'm finding that some of my colleagues who are aware that I'm pregnant either don't really believe or agree with my tiredness and expect me to get through a really long day exactly as I did before I was pregnant. I feel like I wish I had a bit more support in my environment because I'm on the other side of the world from my friends and family and the only people I have around really ARE my colleagues and also my OH and my OH is being as good as he can about this whole thing but this really isn't his area. So I end up feeling like I can't really enjoy my pregnancy or grant myself the right to feel okay about being tired and instead I'm just getting down on myself (or I feel like others are getting down on me) for not getting my normal duties done. I wish that my friends were here so that I could at least have people to talk to about it and potentially someone who'd help me with dishes every once in a while. I feel like it's too hard to explain to these people because one of them was pregnant before and did experience tiredness but I don't think to the extent that I do and so she doesn't really understand, and some others haven't ever been pregnant and just have this idea that I might be a bit tired but I can still do everything I did before. My OH like I say is trying to be nice and understand but he also really does not understand or expect me to slow down even when I have a cold, let alone being pregnant. He just can't understand it. I don't think he's trying to be mean, I just think that he thinks that I read some symptom online and then all the sudden I think I have it, so he thinks that I read that pregnant women get tired and all the sudden I got tired, but of course that's not what happened at all.

I guess this is just a rant because it's really rough being 8,000+ miles away from my friends and family at a time when I'm going through something I've never gone through before in my life and I'm in a different country where I often even get criticized or told to "Go back to America" because I'm not wanted here (nice, right? Not because I did or said anything wrong, simply because I am American.) If I don't get criticized I often have people being REALLY rude to me on the phone when they're not rude to my partner (who is a Kiwi) and that doesn't help things, either. So I feel like the environment I'm in with my colleagues and even with clients is inhospitable and that my OH tries to understand and does what he can but doesn't really, so at the end of the day I feel maxed out and lonely and just really... not ALLOWED to be pregnant, you know? Like everything else is higher priority than how I feel and like it's sort of thought that what I'm feeling is "in my head". I'm thinking of getting a doctor's note to show these people that the tiredness is NOT in my head and maybe even have the doctor write out a prescription for sleep lol! As for some of the people in this country who are rude to me, I can't really do much about that. If someone has a problem with Americans then I guess they have a problem with Americans and I shouldn't take it so personally. Sigh. It does make me really miss home, though.

Thank you for anyone who's read my rant! Lol

I'm in the US and I find that most people don't care. Perhaps they will be different when we are further along and have huge baby bumps? But I think people seem to forget that it's the first trimester where you feel exhausted and are trying to get used to your changing body.

I used to walk a few miles 5x a week my gf. I explained to her after my 12 weeks that I was having a hard time working a full 8 hours a day and then spending another hour commuting to the park and walking 2 miles. I just would drive home and pass out the rest of the night. She had a hard time accepting that 2 miles was wearing me out. I had to stand up to her though, and other people who seem to think I'm just "b#itching" instead of really tired, nauseous, gassy, and constipated. It's interesting how these are Mother's who have experienced this 2 or 3 times themselves. I guess you forget!

 

[Skywalker]

I just tell people that unless they have a human being growing inside of them or have experienced pregnancy before, then they don't know and can't judge or assume to know how I feel so when I tell them I'm tired, I actually am. Like the pp said, just be firm and speak up.

Haha good for you! That's awesome. I think I'm just going to take this tactic because really, it's not going to instantly get better because someone else refuses to acknowledge that it's there, it's there no matter if they like it or not. So, they can deal Your perspective is refreshing, and yes I also agree with Lucylake on the need to be firm! I do keep reminding OH that I am growing a human being inside of me and that my body expends more energy laying down than his would if he were lifting weights, but he still doesn't believe me lol. I guess I just need to develop the mindset that whether or not he believes me, I know how I feel, and that's enough, and I don't need other people to approve or not approve. I DO think though that every time he sees me fall asleep during the day that impinges on him and starts to make him realize how tired I am because before I was pregnant, no matter HOW tired I was, I could never, ever fall asleep during the day. Now, I fall asleep multiple times a day if I'm given the chance lol. Thanks for your answer

 

[Skywalker]

I'm in the US and I find that most people don't care. Perhaps they will be different when we are further along and have huge baby bumps? But I think people seem to forget that it's the first trimester where you feel exhausted and are trying to get used to your changing body.

I used to walk a few miles 5x a week my gf. I explained to her after my 12 weeks that I was having a hard time working a full 8 hours a day and then spending another hour commuting to the park and walking 2 miles. I just would drive home and pass out the rest of the night. She had a hard time accepting that 2 miles was wearing me out. I had to stand up to her though, and other people who seem to think I'm just "b#itching" instead of really tired, nauseous, gassy, and constipated. It's interesting how these are Mother's who have experienced this 2 or 3 times themselves. I guess you forget!

Man that sucks! Geesh. Maybe we should make shirts that say, "I'm pregnant. I feel how I feel. Get over it." Lol! I might just make one that says that. Ugh I totally know how frustrating that must be. I had a lady tell me that the only pregnancy symptom she ever had was that she didn't like to drink coffee anymore and I was like, "Good for you! That's not me though." Some people just are incapable of empathy maybe? Not here, though! You girls rock!