Support thread for all the atheist,agnostic,non-religious and secular humanist TTCers

[floatingbaby]

Hey West, what part of Ont are you in? I grew up in Whitby! Live on the BC coast now - love it! I feel like Canada is much less of Christian country than the US, but certainly could see how atheists are the most despised! Ha, it's harsh, but I think people are fearful of those who don't recognize a higher power...it's like, you're it. This is it, and people want more. We want to be rewarded in the end, I think.
For me what keeps me believing that there is something else out there/up there is that there has to be something bigger than us, greater than us. I can't imagine we people are at the top of it all... so it's certainly a belief, and I'm ok with knowing that I may never find out the truth.

 

[readerwriter]

Anyone here from the states? I'm from Canada where things are a bt more secular but read a gallup poll that atheists are the most dispised groups in the country! (Ahead of terrorists and homosexuals) do you American ladies find it hard to be irreligious in your country?

Thus far, I haven't really found it difficult - except for my family. Even when I was Christian, many of my friends happened to be non religious. Lots of younger, college-educated people in cities are non religious. I wonder if more people will become religious as they get older though.

 

[eebee]

Beccaboop: the more the merrier! It is good to see another atheist here! Been feeling very in the minority. it seems that most women seek out faith in the uncertain time of ttc/pregnancy andparenthood. it will be nice to chat with others who are like-minded!

Anyone here from the states? I'm from Canada where things are a bt more secular but read a gallup poll that atheists are the most dispised groups in the country! (Ahead of terrorists and homosexuals) do you American ladies find it hard to be irreligious in your country?

I've never found it a problem to be non-religious, I'm in Scotland. The only time I've felt a bit put-out was I was looking to join a choir but in my town all the choirs are church choirs. I'd feel a bit of a fraud...

I went to a non-denominational school (which for years when I was younger I thought it meant non-religious and was very confused why we still had a minister come in and do Easter service and such) but I knew I didn't believe in a god. I got a bit of "but how can you not believe in Heaven?" type questions but nothing more than that.

 

[eebee]

Had my first serious temper tantrum at the following that was said to me on a different forum:
"To get something you have to forget something it is the golden rule of life. Dont worry much about it. Everything is preplanned we cant change the destiny. You should always go for positive approach it will help you to cut down your stress level. Best of luck for you future."
My reply:
"It was destiny that my ovaries don't work by themselves? It was destiny that my husband has a low sperm count? It's preplanned that I want kids since I was about 17 but can't get them without medical help? I would suggest that you don't tell someone who's been actively trying to have kids for 2 years that it's "destiny"...THIS kind of "advice" is what is stressful!!!!

My positive approach is to take drugs to get my body doing what it should be doing naturally. My positive approach is for 2 years to spend at least one day in floods of tears because, yet again, I'm not pregnant.

Seriously, just f*** off."

ARGH! I am so wound up just now!!! I do, sort of, believe in destiny and similar but I don't believe that everything is pre-planned. I believe in more of a karmic sort of destiny, what goes around comes around sort of thing. Major events will happen when we're ready for them but right now having difficulty with believing in that bit...

 

[westfall]

floatingbaby: I live in Tecumseh in SW ontario, but i am originally from way up north, past Timmins. BC is awesome, you are so lucky! I love it there. DH and I want to move out west because there are no decent jobs here, its so bad they call it the SW ontario brain drain because no one stays after uni. Everyone takes their degrees elsewhere!

eebee: I cant stand that "destiny" BS. grrrr, it seems so much like just giving up and instead of deciding your own fate. just putting it in the hand of some invisible being who I cant prove exists (and has some dubious practices like starving children and allowing innocent people to die horribly for kicks) seems like kind of a cop-out. also if it is the will of some god to make a woman long for a child and give her reproductive organs that dont work properly, that kind of makes said god a huge jerk lol. Im not into worshipping jerks... it seems like a cruel joke. im sorry you are having such a hard time of it

 

[Mazzy17]

Oooooh can i join this thread?

Im not against religion, its just not for me.

I have had some hurtful comments about how i am not in "Gods favour"

 

[StefanieC]

I'm the same, not against it just isn't for me. It helps some people which is fine and fully their right but i'd rather do all I can that wait for someone to pick me to be pregnant.

 

[Vankiwi]

Sometimes when I hear people thanking god and saying that they're putting everything in god's hands, I feel like it must be so unsatisfying, as you're not giving yourself any credit and saying you have no control over things.

If I went to the gym every day and lost lots of weight, that was my hard work that did it. I'll take credit for that, thanks very much

Not that I have gone to the gym

 

[bb0506]

Great posts! I would like to join this thread. I do not consider myself a religious person, but try to respect that we are all entitled to our own beliefs. Unfortunately, some of the most judgmental/opinionated people I've dealt with have been 'religious.' I know not all Christians are that way, but it's annoying that people assume it makes us feel better to hear that god has a plan or some other BS. I am tired of being told someone's religious opinions when I never asked for it. I am very mathematically minded, and when I didn't get pregnant right away, (and still not) I sought scientific means, rather than waiting on a 'plan.' anyways I'm glad to see this post and would love to be a part of your group!

 

[westfall]

Welcome to all the new posters!
floatingbaby: what you said reminded me of this study I looked at in Uni. I did a degree in biopsychology and one of my strongest interests was where does fundamentalism come from and why are some people so religious, particularly those who refuse to believe scientific evidence (ie. creationists )

anyway there is a professor at Laurentian who (Michael Persinger) who created a helmet with an EM coil that is placed over a particular part of the brain implicated with spiritual experiences. when it is activated he managed to elicit the experience of the presence of god! crazy!

the research says that when humans evolved the ability to recognise their own mortality it became a huge source of anxiety, so we also evolved a part of the brain which mirror the part which recognises the self on the other side (of the brain). This is the part of the brain which they believe experiences "god", very powerful and probably responsible for all of the crazy religious experiences through history.

I find it SO interesting!!

 

[eebee]

So does that make us more or less evolved than religious nuts?! Lol!!!

 

[floatingbaby]

Ah yes, I've read some Persinger! He can cause me brain cramps trying to figure out where my ethics stand!

But that is a crazy study. I'm really glad you mentioned it because I think it's important for 'non-believers' to see/understand that what religious people experience is actually an experience for them...not just a feeling or desire but something that physically happens in their brain - which makes it so real that people can say "I KNOW that God exists because I know". "Um, excuse me, you know that's not a valid reason, right?"

WOW! Pretty wild.

My lifelong best friend has just become Born Again Ugh, I don't even know what to say to that!

 

[westfall]

So does that make us more or less evolved than religious nuts?! Lol!!!

Lol! I do think it says something for our social evolution to be able to be able to recognise an illogical biological urge and choose to follow our more developed parts of the brain and base our beliefs on reason! I believe that our species i finally at a place where we can can stop relying on superstition and fairytales and live rationally

 

[readerwriter]

Vankiwi, I know what you mean! Although I know there is a lot that is not under my control in the world, for the things that are I think I should try to control them - not wait for a god to make things happen. I don't think I could handle living like that.

 

[readerwriter]

I can relate to religious people because having grown up religious I can understand how it's comforting to believe in a god. It's comforting to believe in life after death. It's comforting to believe that there is a grand plan and purpose bigger than yourself. I think people generally believe what they want to believe. Logic kept intruding in on me though and eventually I had to admit to myself (even though I didn't want to!) that the sort of god I had grown up with just didn't make sense.

 

[eebee]

My friend made a very good point the other day: if it's in God's hands...don't you think the fact he gave us the intelligence and capability to develop medicinal techniqes to fix things is his way of saying "here you go"?

 

[readerwriter]

My friend made a very good point the other day: if it's in God's hands...don't you think the fact he gave us the intelligence and capability to develop medicinal techniqes to fix things is his way of saying "here you go"?

Ha, yep, totally agree!

 

[Beccaboop]

Can I ask you ladies a question?? I don't know many non religious people or atheists so I don't have anyone to talk to about this:

What do you think happens after you die??

As a total atheist so I don't beleive in heaven or hell but I get a but freaked out thinking that there's just nothing at all I think the scariest thing is that i won't even be aware of the nothingness cos I will be nothing too with no consciousness (I know this probably makes no sense sorry)

I cant totally see why people believe in heaven and hell it's a lot less scary than nothing but I just can't believe in something that I honestly don't just cos it's less scary!!

So what do you think happens? And if you think it's just nothing then how do you deal with that?? I never ever want to die!!

Sorry for bringing up death and being morbid (af started today so im a bit emotional and depressed!! )

 

[eebee]

I think that you die but that there might be an afterlife. I'm not sure if I believe in a soul though...although I'm pretty sure I believe in ghosts and I don't know how I would explain them, maybe more as energies... *shrugs*...

 

[westfall]

Beccaboop:
I have struggled with this issue so much especially in the last few years of my life. So much so that it became a mini existential crisis, I would literally lay awake at night just thinking about the problem. I came to a really peaceful resolution to this one day that dying is probably pretty much like things were before I was born. I dont remember being present when my parents were young or in the middle ages or in ancient rome, yet I dont feel like I "missed out" I simply did not exist. And when I die I will again cease to exist and it really wont matter.

In short it is super hard to convince your mind to be ok with no longer existing because our brains are not designed to cope with that reality. You cannot imagine not existing, but i think when the time comes it wont matter!