Support thread for all the atheist,agnostic,non-religious and secular humanist TTCers

[Beccaboop]

Beccaboop:
I have struggled with this issue so much especially in the last few years of my life. So much so that it became a mini existential crisis, I would literally lay awake at night just thinking about the problem. I came to a really peaceful resolution to this one day that dying is probably pretty much like things were before I was born. I dont remember being present when my parents were young or in the middle ages or in ancient rome, yet I dont feel like I "missed out" I simply did not exist. And when I die I will again cease to exist and it really wont matter.

In short it is super hard to convince your mind to be ok with no longer existing because our brains are not designed to cope with that reality. You cannot imagine not existing, but i think when the time comes it wont matter!

Yeah I thought that too but it does bother me that I didnt exist before I was born (even tho I know it is impossible) I feel like I've missed out on so much and I'm going to miss so much when I'm gone too like meeting my great great grandchildren and all the advances in technologies and science and whatever else!! I don't want to not matter!! Maybe I need professional help with this!!

I lay awake at night thinking about it too I have to force myself to not think about it!! I'm also quite scared of dyeing I really hope I get to live a long long time!

Thanks for replying xxxx

 

[westfall]

Beccaboop sorry you are having a tough time atheism can be a lonely and difficult path and many people(like me at times) wish they could have some kind of faith but just cannot reconcile it with their own knowledge of reality. i have to admit that i see a psychologist and have spoken to him about my existential problems and it is really helpful. if you feel you need to talk i would strongly recommend seeing someone. it doesn't have the stigma tht it used to it only makes sense to care for your mental as well as physical health! I used to work as a crisis counsellor while having a counsellor myself! Lol. most people have priest or spiritual leader to tak to about these kind of.things but we.don't have that.luxury so it seems totally reasonable to talk to someone!

If you need to talk you can pm me too, i totally get what you are going through

 

[OperationBbyO]

Hi! Another non-religious couple TTC here!

DH was raised super Catholic and remained that way until his mid 20's. He then decided he didn't believe in any of it although his parents, siblings, and their spouses and children are all still super Catholic and they give him a lot of grief for leaving the church.

I never really bought into religion in the first place although I attended Catholic school and went to church every weekend (Episcopalian with my Mom, Southern Baptist with my Dad). I honestly think all that exposure to various types of Christianity allowed me to see the holes in everyone's arguments. Nobody had the same story!

Anyway, although I claim to be Christian, I'm pseudo-Christian at best. I guess I still believe in heaven, but you'll also find me in Buddhist temples with incense, I have Buddhist prayers flags around my house, and I've attended Hindu religious ceremonies. I go out and commune with nature from time to time.

You may say I'm very spiritual, but not religious in any way.

DH and I had a pagan handfasting ceremony when we got married and I believe we just about freaked our families out!! Oh well.

We live in the South so we have God rammed down our throats. If I hear "God will give you a baby when it's time" one more time I'm going to scream. Like someone said, I don't have a baby because I have a LP defect.

We will probably expose our children to multiple religions and then let them decide if they want to participate in one.

You guys are right though. Saying you don't believe is like "coming out" of some terrible closet. Nobody wants to admit they don't believe in anything! For me and DH it might be easier because we are both in academia and most of our colleagues don't follow any particular religion but out in the real world, we catch a lot of grief for it.

 

[readerwriter]

I struggle with understanding what happens after death too. In the end, I might just have to say that I don't know. I know there are some atheist/agnostic orgs out there that might provide a community of people to talk with. I'm trying to handle it by appreciating life more.

I'm in the situation where my friends are non-religious, but my family is religious. Although I left Catholicism years ago, I haven't really "come out" to my family yet about not being Christian. Many of my friends have been non-religious for a long time, but they don't often think or talk about it because it's not new to them.

 

[westfall]

welcome operationbbyo! I think our cycles are about the same, what day are you testing? I am probably going to test around the 28th. Ive never met a baptist (not too many here in Canada) but I hear they are quite "intense" lol. Lots of fire and brimstone.

I listened to a very interesting podcast which was technically about the dark ages (history is one of my hobbies, im a bit of an armchair historian) but tied in a lot about the evolution of christianity. I really enjoyed it kind of answered the question of how did this break of sect of judaism that started out as practically suicidally pacifistic (ie. went praying and singing to their executions) became the religion that engaged in the crusades and the inquisition. something I have always wondered about

The idea is that this religion was picked up by the Roman empire who were obscenely brutal and made into a state religion. So as christianity filtered through the Romans it moulded into something different by necessity (they couldnt very well have their legions being pacifists) Then it was taken up by Germanic tribes who were even MORE warlike than the Romans and it changed even more until you have what we see today! The ethnic Germans (in like 700CE ish) even has Jesus, this originally prince of peace holding axes and standing on piles of dead in their sculptures by this point.

Probably extremely boring to most, but I find it fascinating

 

[preg_pilot]

Can I ask you ladies a question?? I don't know many non religious people or atheists so I don't have anyone to talk to about this:

What do you think happens after you die??

As a total atheist so I don't beleive in heaven or hell but I get a but freaked out thinking that there's just nothing at all I think the scariest thing is that i won't even be aware of the nothingness cos I will be nothing too with no consciousness (I know this probably makes no sense sorry)

I cant totally see why people believe in heaven and hell it's a lot less scary than nothing but I just can't believe in something that I honestly don't just cos it's less scary!!

So what do you think happens? And if you think it's just nothing then how do you deal with that?? I never ever want to die!!

Sorry for bringing up death and being morbid (af started today so im a bit emotional and depressed!! )

I don´t know about others, but here are my views.

I was raised lutheran, but I don´t think I really ever was religious.
I was baptised at the age of 6 weeks, and then went ahead and got christened when I was 13 years old. I just went with the flow.
My country is largely christian/lutheran, with several smaller beliefs.

I signed myself out of the lutheran church 2 years ago, because I finally had enough of pretending.

I don´t really know what it´s called that I believe in, but it´s not Atheist.
It´s probably closer to Spiritualism, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritualism

Not excactly alike it, but somewhat close.

Basically, I believe that there are spirits walking among us, most of them are friendly and only want to help, but some are angry and want to vent their anger somewhere.
I have seen some of them, but mostly it´s just a feeling I get when they are close.
I personally have 3 guardian "angels", as my mother would call them, and I know they´re there.
I just call them spirits.

I know this will sound completely crazy, but I believe that when we die, that we cross over to this spirit realm, and wait there to be reborn again. The wait depends on a lot of factors. For instance, you could be waiting there for your other half (soul mate) to die, so that you can start the next life together, or you could be waiting to help someone do something in their life (like your little brother always wanted to achieve something), or some other reason that I have no idea about.

My belief in this is reinforced by my own "memories". I remember being alive before this life. I have no idea how many times I´ve been "recycled", but it´s been more than a dozen that I can remember.

I realize this sounds completely mental, but this is as rational as I can make my really weird "memories" and thoughts become.

Hope this makes sense to someone out there.

 

[Beccaboop]

Can I ask you ladies a question?? I don't know many non religious people or atheists so I don't have anyone to talk to about this:

What do you think happens after you die??

As a total atheist so I don't beleive in heaven or hell but I get a but freaked out thinking that there's just nothing at all I think the scariest thing is that i won't even be aware of the nothingness cos I will be nothing too with no consciousness (I know this probably makes no sense sorry)

I cant totally see why people believe in heaven and hell it's a lot less scary than nothing but I just can't believe in something that I honestly don't just cos it's less scary!!

So what do you think happens? And if you think it's just nothing then how do you deal with that?? I never ever want to die!!

Sorry for bringing up death and being morbid (af started today so im a bit emotional and depressed!! )

I don´t know about others, but here are my views.

I was raised lutheran, but I don´t think I really ever was religious.
I was baptised at the age of 6 weeks, and then went ahead and got christened when I was 13 years old. I just went with the flow.
My country is largely christian/lutheran, with several smaller beliefs.

I signed myself out of the lutheran church 2 years ago, because I finally had enough of pretending.

I don´t really know what it´s called that I believe in, but it´s not Atheist.
It´s probably closer to Spiritualism, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritualism

Not excactly alike it, but somewhat close.

Basically, I believe that there are spirits walking among us, most of them are friendly and only want to help, but some are angry and want to vent their anger somewhere.
I have seen some of them, but mostly it´s just a feeling I get when they are close.
I personally have 3 guardian "angels", as my mother would call them, and I know they´re there.
I just call them spirits.

I know this will sound completely crazy, but I believe that when we die, that we cross over to this spirit realm, and wait there to be reborn again. The wait depends on a lot of factors. For instance, you could be waiting there for your other half (soul mate) to die, so that you can start the next life together, or you could be waiting to help someone do something in their life (like your little brother always wanted to achieve something), or some other reason that I have no idea about.

My belief in this is reinforced by my own "memories". I remember being alive before this life. I have no idea how many times I´ve been "recycled", but it´s been more than a dozen that I can remember.

I realize this sounds completely mental, but this is as rational as I can make my really weird "memories" and thoughts become.

Hope this makes sense to someone out there.

That all sounds loads better than just nothing!! I wish I could beleive it

 

[preg_pilot]

Can I ask you ladies a question?? I don't know many non religious people or atheists so I don't have anyone to talk to about this:

What do you think happens after you die??

As a total atheist so I don't beleive in heaven or hell but I get a but freaked out thinking that there's just nothing at all I think the scariest thing is that i won't even be aware of the nothingness cos I will be nothing too with no consciousness (I know this probably makes no sense sorry)

I cant totally see why people believe in heaven and hell it's a lot less scary than nothing but I just can't believe in something that I honestly don't just cos it's less scary!!

So what do you think happens? And if you think it's just nothing then how do you deal with that?? I never ever want to die!!

Sorry for bringing up death and being morbid (af started today so im a bit emotional and depressed!! )

I don´t know about others, but here are my views.

I was raised lutheran, but I don´t think I really ever was religious.
I was baptised at the age of 6 weeks, and then went ahead and got christened when I was 13 years old. I just went with the flow.
My country is largely christian/lutheran, with several smaller beliefs.

I signed myself out of the lutheran church 2 years ago, because I finally had enough of pretending.

I don´t really know what it´s called that I believe in, but it´s not Atheist.
It´s probably closer to Spiritualism, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritualism

Not excactly alike it, but somewhat close.

Basically, I believe that there are spirits walking among us, most of them are friendly and only want to help, but some are angry and want to vent their anger somewhere.
I have seen some of them, but mostly it´s just a feeling I get when they are close.
I personally have 3 guardian "angels", as my mother would call them, and I know they´re there.
I just call them spirits.

I know this will sound completely crazy, but I believe that when we die, that we cross over to this spirit realm, and wait there to be reborn again. The wait depends on a lot of factors. For instance, you could be waiting there for your other half (soul mate) to die, so that you can start the next life together, or you could be waiting to help someone do something in their life (like your little brother always wanted to achieve something), or some other reason that I have no idea about.

My belief in this is reinforced by my own "memories". I remember being alive before this life. I have no idea how many times I´ve been "recycled", but it´s been more than a dozen that I can remember.

I realize this sounds completely mental, but this is as rational as I can make my really weird "memories" and thoughts become.

Hope this makes sense to someone out there.

That all sounds loads better than just nothing!! I wish I could beleive it

To each his own.
I just feel it within myself. Nothing rock solid, just a hunch, and my "memories". I don´t know how else to explain them.

 

[preg_pilot]

I never ever want to die!!

I don´t know if this will comfort you at all Beccaboop, but in my experience (yes I do mean experience, I remember my previous deaths better than any other aspect of my other lives), death is easy. Easier than life anyways. It´s a kind of release. So comfortable.

Sorry if this sounds scary at all.

 

[Uninspired]

Hello Everyone,
This thread was a great idea. It's so frustrating for me and uncomfortable when all the support threads read, as someone mentioned, "God says it's not your time" or "God has a plan for you". I don't have a problem with people having their own faith, I just wish they wouldn't assume that I feel the same way. I've only recently "come out" about my atheism to my family. That was a relief. Of course, they all think I'm going to hell but at least they know the real me.

So here's my story:

We have been trying to conceive for 8+ years. We're going on 10 years married this August I am almost finished with a degree in graphic design. Since schooling is wrapping up for me, we are taking it to the next level. I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist next month and I'm excited. We are doing what we can at home, for example, we both have lost weight and changed our diets drastically. I know we are in much better shape than we ever were and because of that I'm positive the doctor will be able to help us.

Good luck to everyone!

 

[preg_pilot]

@uninspired.

Hi, and welcome to the thread, and BnB

 

[readerwriter]

Hello Everyone,
This thread was a great idea. It's so frustrating for me and uncomfortable when all the support threads read, as someone mentioned, "God says it's not your time" or "God has a plan for you". I don't have a problem with people having their own faith, I just wish they wouldn't assume that I feel the same way. I've only recently "come out" about my atheism to my family. That was a relief. Of course, they all think I'm going to hell but at least they know the real me.

So here's my story:

We have been trying to conceive for 8+ years. We're going on 10 years married this August I am almost finished with a degree in graphic design. Since schooling is wrapping up for me, we are taking it to the next level. I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist next month and I'm excited. We are doing what we can at home, for example, we both have lost weight and changed our diets drastically. I know we are in much better shape than we ever were and because of that I'm positive the doctor will be able to help us.

Good luck to everyone!

It is a little uncomfortable for me too - all this "God's plan" stuff. It would be nice if the world just made sense that way, but I don't believe it does. To each their own. How did your appointment with the RE go? I'm going to the obgyn for this first time in a week and a half to get checked out and don't really know what to expect.

 

[pbl_ge]

Hi All!

I love this thread! Hadn't seen it before. Just wanted to tag myself on it, stand up as a devout atheist, and send all of y'all lots of !

 

[GiraffeLegs]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to poke my head in and say that I love this thread! It seems like many TTC conversations always end up with someone stating that "God has a plan" and that is totally fine for them (whatever helps them and gets them through), but I just don't really believe that. Of course, if you tell anyone that you get preached too and then they seem to act like maybe you shouldn't get to share in "God's greatest miracle." Ugh, it's just so hard! I'm glad I found you guys~

 

[RoccoBoxr]

So what would you ladies think about this: my brother and sister-in-law, who we're very close with (heck I was her "birth coach") just had a baby, and they are much like myself and DH with their beliefs. They also believe in some kind of spiritual higher power, but don't get into organized religion. They want to have their daughter baptized so that as she grows up, she can have the choice to join a church youth group or whatnot and proceed with any regional religion as an adult if she chooses. I support their decision, but if they ask us to be her "godparents" that day, is it odd for two atheists to stand in a church and profess all the things they have godparents profess during the ceremony?

On one hand it seems hypocritical, but on the other hand who better to be her spiritual guide and the people who promise to always be there for her and take care of her than us who love her so much and who are open to all different types of spiritualism without judgement? Maybe that's what kids need more than cram-religion-down-your-throat people.

 

[laustiredttc]

Hi ladies just thought i tag in and say great thread. I understand how complicated the whole thing can get. I was baptised a protestant and communioned as a catholic. I don't follow either one. I do however believe in a fate by which we make but i guess that's just what i believe. My husband is an atheist and doesnt believe in anything. I would like to think that when we raise our children we give them the chance to choose and support them no matter what they wish to believe or not believe in.

 

[pbl_ge]

So what would you ladies think about this: my brother and sister-in-law, who we're very close with (heck I was her "birth coach") just had a baby, and they are much like myself and DH with their beliefs. They also believe in some kind of spiritual higher power, but don't get into organized religion. They want to have their daughter baptized so that as she grows up, she can have the choice to join a church youth group or whatnot and proceed with any regional religion as an adult if she chooses. I support their decision, but if they ask us to be her "godparents" that day, is it odd for two atheists to stand in a church and profess all the things they have godparents profess during the ceremony?

On one hand it seems hypocritical, but on the other hand who better to be her spiritual guide and the people who promise to always be there for her and take care of her than us who love her so much and who are open to all different types of spiritualism without judgement? Maybe that's what kids need more than cram-religion-down-your-throat people.

That's a tough one! I'd ask them very specifically want they'd want/expect of me in that role before I made the decision. Then consider very honestly if I'd be able to fulfill that role.

Good luck!

 

[pbl_ge]

Completely random question: How many of those who are on this thread are trying to come up with NON-BIBLICAL baby names? I am, and it's really tough! Seems like the majority of "traditional" names in America are from the Bible, and I'd really like to avoid that.

Thoughts?

 

[preg_pilot]

Completely random question: How many of those who are on this thread are trying to come up with NON-BIBLICAL baby names? I am, and it's really tough! Seems like the majority of "traditional" names in America are from the Bible, and I'd really like to avoid that.

Thoughts?

Norse mythology? (like Thor, Embla, Hekla and such...)
I´m just being silly ya know.

Also flower, and bird names, modified. (that´s what my grandmother did).

 

[bubbles82]

Hi ladies!

Hope you don't mind me joining this thread! I was so glad to find it after countless times I've been involved in other threads and felt so disappointed and bordering offended by people replying 'I'll keep you in my prayers' or 'it's all part of god's plan and you will be blessed with a child when he decides it's your time' etc, I have never commented in response to the religious content specifically, for fear of offending others or starting a virtual riot, but then again it does bother me that so many on here assume everyone is religious and shares the same religion they do.

I went to a Christian school, and although my family were never particularly religious, I loved the whole idea of it when I was younger, you just kind of grow up believing that's how it is when you're told that by teachers every day! But as I got older and learned more for myself about the world, it just didn't make sense. Seven years ago I lost my best friend in a car accident, and I lost my dad two years ago this week in a horrific hotel fire where 28 innocent people including children lost their lives, and I think that was the final straw with me and my mum. If god exists, where was he that day and why did he allow it to happen. Doesn't seem like a good plan to me for any reason.

Since that, although I always wanted a church wedding, I realised it was for the wrong reasons and I ended up having a civil ceremony as I thought a church was too hypocritical. Last year myself and DH were asked to be godparents to our friend's son, and I felt so awkward and out of place that day. A lot of our friends have young children and are all getting them christened even though they're not religious at all, which I don't understand.

DH's family are Catholic, and the older ones in particular are quite strong believers still, and I think they're disappointed in those of us that don't follow. Fortunately DH isn't interested in any of it at all.

Anyway sorry for the long post! I'm 30, DH is nearly 31, we just got married in May and have been TTC since then, although still waiting for my cycles to get back to somewhere near normal after BCP.

Good luck to all! xx