surely I'm not the only one? finally ready after WTT 5 years...but now single

[youngone]

Hi guys I haven't posted for years, I guess i've had nothing to say.

I'm wondering if anyone else has been in my boat before. I've been on this site for 4-5 years WTT. 4-5 years of thinking about pregnancy/babies daily.

I wanted to wait till I had graduated, lived overseas, traveled, bought a house, had more money and been mentally ready. Now i've done all of that- I did all of the above in the space of 2 years actually- been busy!!

Now i'm finally ready- and more importantly emotionally ready. But I just ended my relationship.....

It'll be years now. Years. I'm devastated. I don't know what else to say or do.

Please chime in?

 

[tverb84]

Maybe you can try adoption?

 

[Caite]

Hi youngone,

I'm currently WTT and am single, and, unless I meet the one, I will be doing this on my own. I've been looking in to IVF (and more recently IUI) with donor sperm abroad.

There are a number of women on here who have chosen to become mums whilst single, some of them with more than one child. Some have done it via clinics, some haven't. We have a whole thread in the assisted conception part of the forum.

 

[OverAnalyzing]

Similar boat, I decided a few years ago I wanted kids and didn't meet anyone that stuck. I've had this on and off, complicated thing going on with one person. It's like there's something there but we're so incompatible. Whenever I get the chance face to face, I'm planning on just flat out asking him to give me one and since I have more money than him..he doesn't have to worry about child support and all that so I think there's a 99% chance he's nuts enough to do it. Other than that.. I tried those co-parenting sites and there's just so many stupid people on there and losers just using it to get laid. There are also men out there that seem to have no problem having 20+ kids throughout he USA and I find that strange. And, a single man who truly wants to be a father won't insist on only doing it the "natural" way..so be careful of those if you go that route.

 

[youngone]

I have thought a lot about adoption, and would love to do it. However, because i'm single and young I very seriously doubt any birth mums would chose me. I need to look more into it though. Thanks

 

[CaliDreaming]

youngone.

You never know when you might meet that special someone. It doesn't have to take years. It could happen tomorrow. Your desire to have a child will probably motivate you not to waste time with losers. I know it did with me! Don't despair. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you! When you do meet the man who will be the father of your child, everything already will be in place.

 

[darkriver]

Concieved via donor sperm here. Expecting my second and will be having a third.

 

[OverAnalyzing]

youngone.

You never know when you might meet that special someone. It doesn't have to take years. It could happen tomorrow. Your desire to have a child will probably motivate you not to waste time with losers. I know it did with me! Don't despair. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you! When you do meet the man who will be the father of your child, everything already will be in place.

Not true for everyone. I heard that advice in my 20's. I didn't date and go through many men because I didn't waste my time. I was waiting for that *just know* feeling and other than one or two guys that were not an option yet made me feel like I was back in highschool.. It just hasn't happened for me and now I wish I ha a child with the wrong men. I wanted children before I hit 30 and now I am just full of regrets. No regrets on not having a husband and settling down with a white picket fence but regrets on not having them.

Dating sites really depress me because what sucks is these men in the same age range as me can just keep going for younger women. Any man finds out you want children ASAP and they will just run. And men in their 40's already have kids. Many profiles say the men don't have kids and want them "someday" and they want women without kids. But okay, if they're 35 and you're 35... they don't want you because they don't want to rush because they don't have to. It's just so not fair. Then if we have children we have "baggage" for most men. I was hoping to hold out for a man who also does not have children and it would be a first for both of us.. wrong. Unless I get one from my bum ex who has nothing to lose by giving me one. But then he's still not Daddy material which I also wanted.

 

[tverb84]

youngone.

You never know when you might meet that special someone. It doesn't have to take years. It could happen tomorrow. Your desire to have a child will probably motivate you not to waste time with losers. I know it did with me! Don't despair. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you! When you do meet the man who will be the father of your child, everything already will be in place.

Not true for everyone. I heard that advice in my 20's. I didn't date and go through many men because I didn't waste my time. I was waiting for that *just know* feeling and other than one or two guys that were not an option yet made me feel like I was back in highschool.. It just hasn't happened for me and now I wish I ha a child with the wrong men. I wanted children before I hit 30 and now I am just full of regrets. No regrets on not having a husband and settling down with a white picket fence but regrets on not having them.

Dating sites really depress me because what sucks is these men in the same age range as me can just keep going for younger women. Any man finds out you want children ASAP and they will just run. And men in their 40's already have kids. Many profiles say the men don't have kids and want them "someday" and they want women without kids. But okay, if they're 35 and you're 35... they don't want you because they don't want to rush because they don't have to. It's just so not fair. Then if we have children we have "baggage" for most men. I was hoping to hold out for a man who also does not have children and it would be a first for both of us.. wrong. Unless I get one from my bum ex who has nothing to lose by giving me one. But then he's still not Daddy material which I also wanted.

Have you ever tried adoption?

 

[OverAnalyzing]

Have you ever tried adoption?

I looked into it briefly. I hear it's as hard as adopting a dog..which is why even celebrities go overseas. I want my own though before time runs out and would consider adopting in the future.

 

[fairytales87]

Like the girls above suggested have you considered your options of using a donor via a clinic? IUI or IVF? xx

 

[CaliDreaming]

youngone.

You never know when you might meet that special someone. It doesn't have to take years. It could happen tomorrow. Your desire to have a child will probably motivate you not to waste time with losers. I know it did with me! Don't despair. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you! When you do meet the man who will be the father of your child, everything already will be in place.

Not true for everyone. I heard that advice in my 20's. I didn't date and go through many men because I didn't waste my time. I was waiting for that *just know* feeling and other than one or two guys that were not an option yet made me feel like I was back in highschool.. It just hasn't happened for me and now I wish I ha a child with the wrong men. I wanted children before I hit 30 and now I am just full of regrets. No regrets on not having a husband and settling down with a white picket fence but regrets on not having them.

Dating sites really depress me because what sucks is these men in the same age range as me can just keep going for younger women. Any man finds out you want children ASAP and they will just run. And men in their 40's already have kids. Many profiles say the men don't have kids and want them "someday" and they want women without kids. But okay, if they're 35 and you're 35... they don't want you because they don't want to rush because they don't have to. It's just so not fair. Then if we have children we have "baggage" for most men. I was hoping to hold out for a man who also does not have children and it would be a first for both of us.. wrong. Unless I get one from my bum ex who has nothing to lose by giving me one. But then he's still not Daddy material which I also wanted.

Dating is tough. I didn't get married until I was 34 so I know. Thing is, if you go into it thinking you won't find anyone good, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You definitely are infinitely better off than if you'd had a child with one of the loser guys you've dated in the past. I know a lot of women who had children with no-good men and it's an awful position to be in. They're stuck with these men forever and many are racked with guilt because their children are the ones who suffer the most.

There are guys out there but a lot of times it comes down to getting out of your comfort zone. If your approach to dating hasn't worked thus far, maybe try something different or consider guys you might have counted out for reasons that aren't really deal breakers. If dating one guy at a time hasn't worked, try dating several. It's a good way to let the duds fall by the wayside.

In your 30's, it's probably time to consider guys who are divorced or have kids. This is not as terrible as it sounds. Divorced guys are almost always anxious to get remarried. No having a kid won't be a first for him, but it's still special because it will be his first with you.

I apologize in advance for the unsolicited advice, but you sound so down about your prospects. There are so many women who easily find men to marry and there's nothing at all special about them (not saying that in a bad way), so it makes me sad when I hear women like you thinking they don't have a shot at love and happiness.