Surge of positivity running through my veins!

[pinkflamingo]

Hi all!

Just felt that I wanted to put in words the positive feeling that I have today and that I refuse to be defeated by this awful experience.

For those that don't know, a scan confirmed our loss in mid December and I chose to wait for a natural miscarriage. This took 8 weeks and happened at the weekend. It was a long and tremendously difficult time, but it also gave us time to accept the reality of what had happened on an emotional level before it actually happened physically. This was 100% the right thing for us and I am so glad that medical intervention was not needed in the end.

Anyway, I am now determined that I will look to the future and be as positive as I can be at all times. Sure there will be bad days, with tears and sadness over what has happened, but I must look to the brighter days that will come too.

I made myself go to the hairdressers today and have my colour done and a pretty drastic cut! I feel a little bit new, as after weeks of slobbing about I have changed something about me.

DH and I are going away for Valentines weekend, and as New Year and Jan were so rubbish (having had the news about baby in Dec, and just waiting for it to happen), we have decided to write them off and have a new years eve celebration during our weekend away. Our 2011 will start with a toast to our baby and a clean page ready to be filled with happiness and ttc.

I have also done a HPT today and got my first negative. I have a scan booked for next thurs to check that all has gone, and once we get the all clear from that (and the bleeding stops) then it will be full steam ahead on the ttc front.

I am on a mission for that baby, and this lady will be getting what she wants!

Good luck all! xx

 

[beth30]

Yes! this is great! Although it has taken me some time to come around, I am now trying to stay positive. I MC Sept & Dec. So I have got a double dose, I was so bitter. I hated every pregnant woman I saw. But I woke up today, and thought I'd just try to be happy that others are happy. Those mommies are getting something they want. Which is the same thing I am trying to do, and I don't want someone hating me because of it. So, I cut the ties to the bad attitude, and I am looking forward to my new pregnancy that will hopefully get here soon, and stick like glue.... good luck to you! *HUGS*

 

[SilverFair]

GREAT attitude! That must have been a very long and difficult time to wait for what you knew was coming. I'm lucky in that I didn't find out until the day before it finally happened, but I had to wait 9 weeks for what I think is my period to return, so I know how terrible waiting is. Good luck with your TTC journey!

 

[pinkflamingo]

Beth I know what you mean about the pregnant women. When we had been ttc for 14 months they were everywhere, when we got our BFP I don't remember seeing them, and then once the miscarriage was confirmed they came out in their millions again!! I realise that it's just at my most sensitive that I notice them all but it hasn't been something to help with the pain at times that's for sure.

My cousin is due his first baby a month before ours would have been due, so that will be tough but like you I am happy for them. It's their special time and who am I to take anything away from that.


SilverFair - It was a very long 8 weeks to wait to miscarry, as your 9 weeks must have been for AF. It does stop you from moving on doesn't it, and it felt like the more I wanted it to happen so that I could move on, the longer it was taking. I just hope that AF doesn't take another 8 weeks or the positivity may be tested somewhat!!

Thanks for your replies ladies. Feel free to jump on the positivity bandwagon whenever you please!!

Just think, each day that passes brings us closer to getting that glorious BFP and having our babies in our arms! Until then my BFP is Brimming Full of Positivity!!!!

xxxxx

 

[xSamanthax]

I'm so glad you are feeling positive, I have to admit since i got my BFN yesterday i'm feeling more positive. Now i'm just waiting for AF to come so we can start TTC again. I'm getting a tattoo for our lost Baby Angel and thinking of that brings me peace, i know i can move on but i also know i will have a reminder of our Baby Angel no matter where i go which is what i want

Heres hoping we all get soon!!

 

[pinkflamingo]

Thanks Samantha. I guess us getting our negatives is a milestone, and a point at which we can really start to move forward from this. We will never forget but we can move on to happier times.

I do think the tattoo in memory of baby is lovely. Your baby will be with you at all times anyway of course, but you will have something visual to bring you some comfort too. Are you designing something yourself?

xx

 

[xSamanthax]

The tattoo i'm getting is one that is at the tattoo place, i saw it when i went looking the other day but i am changing some of it so its my design too. I'm going to have a baby in a all in one suit that will be yellow (that was our Baby Angels colour) with angel wings wrapped around him and a banner underneath that will have the date we found out that we were going through the MC

 

[Xpecta]

That is wondeful! I LOVED reading that! It makes me happy! I definitely feel that February will be a better month for me that January!

I'm glad I read this! Thank you for sharing!

 

[pinkflamingo]

Samantha that sounds like a lovely design. I think I am just too much of a wuss to have a tatoo done full stop!!

Xpecta thanks honey and I am glad that reading my post made you happy! I am sorry for your loss but really pleased that you are feeling more positive about this next month.

Well to add to my positivity today I have been applying for a new job. The one I have is quite a travel on the train every day and we had already discussed that location was too far from home when we had a baby. So I have been applying for jobs closer to home which I look upon as part of my prep for our future baby! I am hoping that this new positivity streak helps me with this! Even if I only get an interview, at least I will have a fab new haircut for it!!!

Keep smiling ladies. Stay strong and be Brimming Full of Positivity!! Our babies are yet another day closer to us.

xxxxx

 

[spellfairy]

your an inspriation (carrying so long) i mc at 19 weeks and baby kicked me night before , but i knew his movements had slowed down somewhat .

sam, i have been thinking of his footprints tattooed on my inner wrist, i dont have one tatoo so scary!

 

[fides]

pinkflamingo, thanks for a beautiful and inspiring post! just what i needed to see.

 

[Eternal]

thank you for your post. i too am feeling more positive, although i wonder how ill feel when af turns up. but at the moment im feel postive that will get pregnant and it wont take as long as it did to conceive the last one.

january has been filled with sorrow and heartache, stress and annoyance so even though this month hasnt started the best either im hoping by the end of the month things will be better. im so ready for winter to be over not just the physical one but the one in my heart too.

keep up that PMA!

 

[pinkflamingo]

Thanks ladies. You are spurring me on with your comments!

Well today I got a phone call from the job application and they want to interview me on tuesday!! Yay!! Fingers crossed that this is the start of my new chapter. That would just be fab.

I also have my scan next Thursday and am pretty certain that it will show all clear so then ttc can start. My bleeding has eased a lot over the last 2 days so hopefully by the end of next week it will have stopped.

I have also started taking Metformin again today. I want to get it into my system before we ttc and hopefully that will give OV a kickstart for me. We fell pregnant on my first month of it in October, so I have all my fingers and toes crossed that it will do the magic for us again!

A family friend said something to me yesterday which touched me -

'The only decisions we can choose, are the ones which fate allows us to make'

It made real sense to me. I am one of those who believes in fate and that everything happens for a reason. I know that I had no choice in losing my baby, that was not something that I was allowed to choose. But I do choose to gather myself together and carry on living my life as best and as happily as I can. Only I can make that happen for myself.

Hugs to you all xxxx

 

[Xpecta]

I just love your positive attitude! Thank you so much. It makes me feel even better cause I'm feeling good now too. If I was depressed right now, I definitely wouldn't be so happy to read your post! But thank you!

 

[pinkflamingo]

Thanks xpecta. I haven't felt very positive up until this week. I had 8 weeks of waiting for a natural miscarriage to happen, but then when it did it was almost like I was released from the darkness. I had done lots of soul searching during those 8 weeks. Cried, been angry, all sorts of emotions would come and go each day. I have not forgotten my baby, I still cry and am still incredibly sad about everything. I would change it in an instance if I could, but I have come to terms with the reality that I can't. I can't change anything about the past, I only can take control of my future.

I am really happy to hear that you are feeling good. I wish you every happiness and pray that BFP's are on the way to both of us soon.

Take care xxx

 

[Xpecta]

Thats really a good way of looking at things. I think one reason I'm so happy is cause I KNOW that I can get pregnant now. We had been trying fo a year and a half before our lost baby. So at least now, I know it can happen! It sucks that I had to suffer that way, but I'm in good hopes that it will happen again, and sooner than a year and a half this time!

Thats good that you had time to do soul searching. It must have been hard waiting the 8 weeks for you to "Lose" your baby. I'm sorry that you had to endure that kind of heartache, but at least you're moving on and realizing that life can be beautiful if you want it to be!

 

[Hope13]

What an inspiration you are. I want to wish you the very best of luck to you for this year....you so so deserve it. Huge hugs. xx

 

[pinkflamingo]

Thats really a good way of looking at things. I think one reason I'm so happy is cause I KNOW that I can get pregnant now. We had been trying fo a year and a half before our lost baby. So at least now, I know it can happen! It sucks that I had to suffer that way, but I'm in good hopes that it will happen again, and sooner than a year and a half this time!

Thats good that you had time to do soul searching. It must have been hard waiting the 8 weeks for you to "Lose" your baby. I'm sorry that you had to endure that kind of heartache, but at least you're moving on and realizing that life can be beautiful if you want it to be!

Hun we had been trying for 14 months before we got our BFP so I guess I know some of what you have been feeling. It's good to know that we can get pregnant after such a long time. I have PCOS which is part of my issue, do you know any specific reasons as to why you may have taken so long?

Drop me a line if you ever want to chat about it all hun. It's good to meet people here who have experienced similar things and who understand the feelings that go with it all xx

 

[pinkflamingo]

What an inspiration you are. I want to wish you the very best of luck to you for this year....you so so deserve it. Huge hugs. xx

Thank you hun. I wish you the very same. We all deserve our happy endings. xx

 

[xSamanthax]

your an inspriation (carrying so long) i mc at 19 weeks and baby kicked me night before , but i knew his movements had slowed down somewhat .

sam, i have been thinking of his footprints tattooed on my inner wrist, i dont have one tatoo so scary!

So sorry for you loss hun, That sounds like a lovely tattoo though, i don't have ANY tattoos at all. I'm getting my daughters name and date of birth on my left wrist on the 22nd, then i'm booking one for my Baby Angel that i'm getting done on my right wrist. I've changed my mind on the design though, i'm having a baby's head that has angel wings wrapped around it (like a hug), the wings are going to be yellow fading into white near the tips and a banner underneath that i'm having a date on. I just can't decide if i want the date i found out i was having a MC or that date i passed my Baby Angel

On another note, i'm feeling positive today. I bought some his and her conception tablets for me and my OH to start taking, We are not going to TTC until my period though which hopefully if its around the same as before my MC is due on the 12th. I just want to make sure i have folic acid and other good stuff inside me so i'm ready to TTC again. Although i think about my Baby Angel every day and i always will i think, i'm hoping they will help me get pregnant again with a brother or sister for them and help them be a sticky bean!