Surname, what would you do?

[Sparky0207]

Lucy has her dad's surname but we arent together anymore. Hes refusing to have it changed (as I knew he would) but this leaves me with some confusion over what to do with new babys surname.

Id like my children to have the same surname as they are both his kids - it doesnt seem fair to me to give one his surname and one mine and I would never ever want them to ask why they have different surnames or see it as any kind of favouritism for one child.

If you were in my position, would you give the new baby his surname just so they were the same or would you give the new baby your own?

 

[princess_bump]

oh hon i don't no, think it's a really tough one, i think i'd probably give the new baby his name as well xx

 

[letia659]

personally I believe in giving the child the fathers name regardless of whether your together or not (unless the father is not in the picture at all) but that is my opinion and with already having a child with that surname it would seem more right to do so.

 

[Amygdala]

Is there any chance your ex would agree to changing your LOs name to a double barrel, his and yours? In that case I'd go double barrel for both of them.
If he's not willing to compromise I think I would probably go for his name for #2 as well. I think you're right, they shouldn't have different names.
How do you feel about ex? Was it a "bad" breakup? If not I might consider changing my own name to a double-barrel with his in so you have the same name as your kids?

 

[MUMOF5]

My friend and her OH split up just before she had her second daughter, and she gave the new baby her surname, and her elder daughter had her dads surname. Since then they have got back together and had to go through the hassle of having baby's name changed by deed poll. I think that tbh if it was me then I would give the new baby dad's surname too, purely so that they both have the same name, otherwise it may cause a few issues later on. xx

 

[surprisebaby]

I would do this. Change the first's second name but leave it the same on the birth certificate. He doesn't even have to know!! So for the dentist, nursery etc just say the second name is now different. And then give your new baby your name. I have done something similar before and has worked fine.

 

[Amygdala]

I would do this. Change the first's second name but leave it the same on the birth certificate. He doesn't even have to know!! So for the dentist, nursery etc just say the second name is now different. And then give your new baby your name. I have done something similar before and has worked fine.

Does that not get you in trouble with official things? And will cause confusion when LO grows up and has to give her real name for applications, in school etc?

 

[polo_princess]

Normally id say give the new LO your surname but they way he has treated you hun he doesnt deserve the pleasure of your child bearing his name

 

[amazed]

I would give the baby its daddys surname...x

 

[nov_mum]

I would do this. Change the first's second name but leave it the same on the birth certificate. He doesn't even have to know!! So for the dentist, nursery etc just say the second name is now different. And then give your new baby your name. I have done something similar before and has worked fine.

I reckon this is the best solution. In situations where children have been adopted or long term fostered the child keeps their original birth name on all official documents (birth certs and passports etc) and has the family name at school etc. Most forms ask you if you are known by any other names and that's when you include it. If at any stage your ex needs you to do something for him, ask him to reconsider signing the documents to change your first child's name. Personally, I think the tradition of giving the child the fathers name was more to do about ownership and paying homage to the man that fathered a child. Sort of like when you get married and the woman becomes the mans property and takes his name. When they are a sad sack of sh!t, who wants to credit someone with a beautiful child. The child can decide later if they would like to take their fathers name or not.

 

[DizzyMoo]

personally I believe in giving the child the fathers name regardless of whether your together or not (unless the father is not in the picture at all) but that is my opinion and with already having a child with that surname it would seem more right to do so.

Hun dya mind me asking why you think this?
Just curious really as my son josh has my surname & bump will also have my surname, joshs dad used to be in the picture but now isn't, & as yet dunno about bumps dad, he denied paternity but i know when it comes close to due date he's going to appear.
So just wondered why you think this? x

I wouldn't want my children having their dads names if we are not living together or in a stable relationship, And i wonder why people think a child should auto take dads name & why not their mums? xx


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[BlackBerry25]

I agree with Holly. He has been such a douchebag, I wouldn't.

 

[genkigemini]

Without knowing anything else about your sitsuation, I would say to give #2 the fathers surname purely so both LOs have the same last name.

(My sister has 3 kids with 3 different last names and it is SOOOOO confusing!)

 

[tasha41]

Honestly I voted for his, because you mentioned wanting the siblings to have the same last names.

But it would depend on how involved he is.. if he's not going to be involved then give your child your surname.

 

[Sparky0207]

Thanks everyone. A few good suggestions!

He will be involved in babys life but obviously not as much as he was with Lucy in the early days. I have asked him about changing it to double-barrelled and id change mine but he flatly refused.

Ive not heard about legally being able to use a different surname for everything apart from official docs but I like the sound of that one so will definitely look in to it.

Thanks once again xxx

 

[jen1604]

As he is still in your life (even though he's being an idiot) I would still give the new baby his new surname.
Like you say,you wouldnt want Lucy having a different surname to the new baby.
Thats just what I would do though hon,you need to do whats right for you xxx

 

[bump_wanted]

I would do this. Change the first's second name but leave it the same on the birth certificate. He doesn't even have to know!! So for the dentist, nursery etc just say the second name is now different. And then give your new baby your name. I have done something similar before and has worked fine.

o yes i agree with this...good advice in a tough situation xxx

 

[suzanne108]

Verrrrrrrrrry difficult.

I always say to give the baby your name, even couples who are together but not married.

BUT....I see where you're coming from with your older daughter having his name. I don't know what to suggest

But the way he's treated you (from what I've seen in single parents) I would say he doesn't deserve to have his name carried on. xxx

 

[kiki]

Not sure where you live hon, but here in Scotland you can call yourself or your children by any name you like as long as it's not for fraudulent reasons,so it's easy here to change your older childs surname by just telling the school, doctor etc, and you can also get a passport with the new name on it. Same goes for the new baby.

Are you actually married? Because if you arent, then he has NO SAY whatsoever in the surname you choose to give your child.
There is no reason that I can see why you cant give both kids a double barrelled surname, especially if you arent married.

I'm not sure so I will have to check this out, but if you arent married, I am fairly confident you can change the name on the birh certificate without his permission.
Even if you cant, your LO can decide at 16 if they want to change it on the BC or not, really doesnt matter what the father thinks of that.

Hope this helps a little hon.

xxx

 

[livbaybee1]

Im guessin hun ur new baby is ur ex's baby too? even tho u have split?
I would give the child his surname hun, its already ur daughters surname, and as u say u want them to have the same surnames so makes sense.
Ov its up to u , only u can deciede but i think that would be for the best.
Have a think about it and see wa u wanna do xoxox