Surprise pregnancy with 4th and not sure how I feel!

[WDWJess]

Hi lovely ladies.

So a bit of background...

I have a DS aged 6, DD aged 3 & DS2 will be 9 months next week.

We've been using the pull out method whilst waiting for hubby to get some balls and get the snip .

The last couple of weeks I started feeling sick. Took a test last night and absolutely shocked to discover I'm expecting. I think I could even be about 9-10 weeks! Hubby is really supportive even though he never really wanted kids at all . I think he feels to blame as I begged him to have the snip asap whilst in labour in January with our youngest.

I've done a lot of crying since last night. Don't get me wrong I feel truly blessed and very grateful to be pregnant again as I absolutely adore my children and love being a mum but my head is such a mess at the minute. We struggle for space as it is in our 3 bed and money is a bit tight with me being a SAHM and I worry about how I'll cope with 4 children under 7. We also have a 9 week old puppy!!!! I feel like I've been pregnant or breastfeeding since 2011. This last month I've been getting so excited about the thought of finally getting my body back and being able to do things purely for me like spa days and the odd night out. Now I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel has been blown out and I'm pretty gutted about it!

I know this sounds daft too but I'm also very worried about what people will think. We made it very clear we were definitely done after 3. My mum even made me promise we would have no more as she knows I struggle with SPD in pregnancy and endure really long and tough labours and my blood pressure took months to regulate after the last one. She'll know we've been very irresponsible and I can't help feel she will be ashamed of us even though we have a very close relationship.

No real point to this post. Just wondered if anyone else feels the same or has done so in the past and wants to chat?

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading if you made it this far!

 

[sopho]

Pretty much same situation here... unplanned waiting for the snip (booked for jan) number 4 for us..i start my new dream job next week ,dreading the conversation 🤔
Feel free to pm me of you want to chat. X

 

[WeeNat]

Sounds like you have described me huni. I totally understand where you are mentally. I'm currently pregnant with my surprise fourth (Just under 9 weeks pregnant). My hubby has also had been wimping out getting the snip. My kids ages are 7.5yrs, 3yrs and 1.5yrs. I've only just started getting the hang of having my 3 kids and felt happy and comfortable. Like you, I know I'm blessed... we struggled long enough with fertility problems. Telling my husband's side of the family will be awful. They haven't been the best to tell which I find so weird, we are married and have our own home so it really shouldn't but up for debate. Urgh... I'm suffering the worst morning sickness! Good luck with your pregnancy xxx

 

[WDWJess]

Pretty much same situation here... unplanned waiting for the snip (booked for jan) number 4 for us..i start my new dream job next week ,dreading the conversation 🤔
Feel free to pm me of you want to chat. X

Crumbs that will be a difficult conversation to have with your new boss. Hope they are understanding. X

 

[WDWJess]

Sounds like you have described me huni. I totally understand where you are mentally. I'm currently pregnant with my surprise fourth (Just under 9 weeks pregnant). My hubby has also had been wimping out getting the snip. My kids ages are 7.5yrs, 3yrs and 1.5yrs. I've only just started getting the hang of having my 3 kids and felt happy and comfortable. Like you, I know I'm blessed... we struggled long enough with fertility problems. Telling my husband's side of the family will be awful. They haven't been the best to tell which I find so weird, we are married and have our own home so it really shouldn't but up for debate. Urgh... I'm suffering the worst morning sickness! Good luck with your pregnancy xxx

Sorry to hear you are suffering. So far I don't seem to be getting as bad as normal. Usually once I start feeling sick I lose my appetite completely and gag at just the thought of trying to eat anything. So far I'm still able to stomach eating but there's just a faint pang of nausea in the background 24/7. I really don't have a clue how far on I am though as my periods haven't returned yet since having little one. I'm only basing the 9-10 weeks guess on the fact I've been feeling sick for 2 weeks and with my other pregnancies nausea started at 7-8 weeks.
When do you plan on telling family? I usually tell everyone before I've had first scan but I feel inclined to hide this pregnancy for as long as possible! I hate the fact I feel I have to hide it though. Almost like I'm ashamed to be pregnant when I'm not at all! X

 

[cjwhitex6]

Goodness! Can I ever remember feeling similarly to you. It’s been almost 24 years now, but our second son (of 6) was a complete surprise!
My husband struggled more with it all than I did, but watching him struggle took some of the joy out of things for me.
Thankfully, 24 years have added a lot of perspective for both of us! Time flew so quickly it seems...although, it’s hard to see that when you’re in the middle of raising little ones.
I cannot relate to your journey with SPD, but my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how difficult that must be.
I’m certain that even if your mum does wind up actually being ashamed of you, she will nevertheless continue to offer your family her love and support because after all, you all are her family too.
I encourage you to stay closely connected to family and friends in order to receive the support and help that you may need, especially in the early days following your baby’s birth. Maybe even find a support group that can help you navigate through your SPD?
It sounds to me like there is plenty of love to go around among you despite the shortage of space, so I hope the very best for you and your precious family.

 

[cjwhitex6]

Had to correct myself in saying that your mum would be “ashamed”of you. Whatever her initial response, I know she will continue to show you her committed love and support! That’s what is most important and what I hope you will concentrate on. Again, all of the best to you and yours!

 

[WDWJess]

Goodness! Can I ever remember feeling similarly to you. It’s been almost 24 years now, but our second son (of 6) was a complete surprise!
My husband struggled more with it all than I did, but watching him struggle took some of the joy out of things for me.
Thankfully, 24 years have added a lot of perspective for both of us! Time flew so quickly it seems...although, it’s hard to see that when you’re in the middle of raising little ones.
I cannot relate to your journey with SPD, but my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how difficult that must be.
I’m certain that even if your mum does wind up actually being ashamed of you, she will nevertheless continue to offer your family her love and support because after all, you all are her family too.
I encourage you to stay closely connected to family and friends in order to receive the support and help that you may need, especially in the early days following your baby’s birth. Maybe even find a support group that can help you navigate through your SPD?
It sounds to me like there is plenty of love to go around among you despite the shortage of space, so I hope the very best for you and your precious family.

Thank you for your very supportive post. Wow 6 children. I bet Xmas is fun in your house!

In all honesty our 3rd was a surprise and I felt like I couldn't bond or love the growing foetus like I had the 1st & 2nd. That is until I saw his heartbeat for the first time at the scan and it was instant love, no regrets. Everything I felt changed in that split second. I believe this will happen again this time round. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and we have been blessed with yet another precious gift. It's just telling people that I'm dreading. I fear being judged. Neither of us are from big families and none of our friends are or are planning big families. But I know that as long as we are happy and strong enough to get through it everything will be ok in the end. I'm very grateful hubby is very supportive considering he was never bothered about even having 1 child lol.

The last couple of days have been really bad exhaustion wise especially as baby has been having some sort of sleep regression and had me up nursing at least every 3 hours again. When I do tell my parents I'm going to tell them I don't need their judgement or disapproval just their love and support more than ever and hope this helps them get over it and be the parents I need them to be. They already do so much for us and they are in their mid 70's and they do get tired quickly now but they love their grandchildren so much and I know they will feel the same when this one arrives, assuming it is a singleton!

 

[Unexpected212]

I could have written this! Mine are 5, 3 and 1 and a suprise fourth is on the way. I know it will be hard but I think I will be ok XD

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Surprise 3rd here, just bought our first house 4.5 months ago & I started a new job 3 weeks ago.

The ONE time we didn't use protection, my period had finished 2 days prior & I thought it would be okay. Unfortunately I have a 3 week cycle, so the sperm must have stayed alive for a few days until I was starting the fertile stage & hung on for dear life until it could get to the egg. I thought we were totally fine & there was no chance. HA!

Am absolutely dreading having to tell my new work, am going to try & wait until the first scan until I know for sure. Am also dreading telling my bro & sis in law, they are finally pregnant with their first & due next month after going through ivf. They are going to be a bit upset that I got pregnant so quickly & so unplanned.

 

[princessatmey]

Hey hun I think am pos preg no 4( oldest be 6jan middle 5 in Jan an youngest 3 in DEC) am on coil but my periods unlike 2 wks or week late an I've got bad cramps( had others an had early scans make sure wasn't ectopic etc) I also don't work etc so basicly need bigger house( in a 2 bed) an bigger vehicle) yikes am in denial though I can't test as no home onesvan not able get any so??? I've been peein for Britain too ( norm get this one later in preg?)

 

[laila 44]

I can understand what you are feeling and going through since I have 3 kids and my pregnancies were hell on earth filled with complications beginning to end. After my third I forced hubby into getting the snip as we really couldn’t risk another pregnancy and drain my parents and inlaws. I also got pregnant on pullout and know first hand how shocking it can feel. I can tell you that if hubby hadn’t had the snip and I would have gotten pregnant with a 4th, It would have been an awkward and awful convo to have with my parents lol. They would flip! But in the end, it’s your family and your baby. Things will be fine, I’m sure after this your Dh will make the vasectomy appointment himself!