Surrogacy - debate/discussion

[November1984]

Although traditional surrogacy doesn't have the same ethical problems, the baby legally belongs to the surrogate mother if she refuses to give it up and it would be devastating if that happened. If we ever have fertility problems (and even if we don't) we will adopt.
.

It depends on the location where the surrogacy contract is drafted. In most cases a traditional surrogate (or otherwise) cannot just decide to keep the baby legally without a lot of recourse. In fact, in the state I used to live in (California, USA) parental rights for a surrogate are completely and legally terminated prior to the birth of the baby. In these cases the surrogate IS NOT listed on the birth certificate. In most cases there are very detailed and experienced lawyers working a surrogacy or egg donation contract. If a surrogate attempted to breach contract she would have to go through lengthy legal proceedings and depending on the situation could get sued for A LOT of money.

 

[freckleonear]

Although traditional surrogacy doesn't have the same ethical problems, the baby legally belongs to the surrogate mother if she refuses to give it up and it would be devastating if that happened. If we ever have fertility problems (and even if we don't) we will adopt.
.

It depends on the location where the surrogacy contract is drafted. In most cases a traditional surrogate (or otherwise) cannot just decide to keep the baby legally without a lot of recourse. In fact, in the state I used to live in (California, USA) parental rights for a surrogate are completely and legally terminated prior to the birth of the baby. In these cases the surrogate IS NOT listed on the birth certificate. In most cases there are very detailed and experienced lawyers working a surrogacy or egg donation contract. If a surrogate attempted to breach contract she would have to go through lengthy legal proceedings and depending on the situation could get sued for A LOT of money.

Here in the UK surrogacy arrangements are not enforceable by law and the child is the legal child of the surrogate mother, even if genetically they are the child of the commissioning couple.. There have been several high profile cases of surrogate mothers refusing to give up the baby and the courts have ruled in favour of the surrogate.

 

[mrsraggle]

I think I would be a surrogate mum but Gestational surrogacy. I don't think I could give up a baby that was part of my DNA. I'd be more likely to do it for a close friend or family member if they asked though.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Holy Mcmoly, old thread.

I think I would be ok being a surrogate mother. I have gay friends that cannot have a baby on their own, so I would help them out.

 

[Linzi]

Id love to be a surrogate. I loved being pregnant and I would love to be able to help someone out that way.

But I couldn't actually do it. I would struggle carrying a child and having to give it up.

The only people I could do it for would be my best friend or my SIL. They're the only people I could prioritise their happiness over my pain. I know that sounds selfish.

I wouldnt have a problem donating my eggs though, or with hubby donating his sperm either.

x

 

[Pixxie]

I would love to do it but I'm not sure that I would be able to think of the baby as someone else's and not mine I think if the baby had my DNA I certainly wouldn't be able to give the baby away.

I think women who are surrogates are amazing people xxx

 

[aliss]

I do work with a surrogate - she has had twins already to one family and has recently been matched to another couple and is waiting for the IVF (is it IVF? I don't know sorry)

One thing I have noticed about her is that she was very detached to the pregnancy - she never ever spoke of them as her babies, they were just "the twins" when pregnant, and the surrogate parents were "the twin's mom/dad". Never rubbed her bump. When ultrasounds were done, she only talked about how happy the mother/father were. Occasionally she mentioned them after she had them (when someone brought it up in baby discussions) and again, only referred to them as the twins, never by name and never as hers.

She was a good surrogate, but her own children were around 13-15 and she could handle it (a very feisty independent personality). I could not do it.

 

[amygwen]

I don't think I'd be able to be a surrogate or donate my own eggs. I also wouldn't want someone being a surrogate for me either. I can't imagine carrying around a child for nine months and how attached you get to them and to give them away - even though of course it's for a good purpose. Anyone who is able to do it is completely selfless and amazing though

 

[lesleyann]

i used to think i could but im not sure really i loved my pregnancy and loved my bump with my baby in it and i dont think i could detach.. Donating eggs i dont think i could do since they would really be my children iykwim? likewise i would not want Oh to donate sperm. and i dont think i could use a surro since who knows what she could be doign while pregnant, sleeping with random men, drinking ect

 

[Blah11]

I couldn't do it but I do admire people who are surrogates.


ETA - if I had a sister or if my brother got married and his wife couldnt have babies then I'd do it for them. No one else.

 

[JASMAK]

I would do it. I struggled with infertility and losses for four years and I am so happy and blessed to have my own children...three of them! But, I must not forget that there is those who are still struggling...going through the hell I went through. Perhaps they have no children at all. I don't think anyone knows that pain unless they have been through it. I would do this in a heartbeat for someone. Unfortunately, I have been advised to not carry anymore children. But, if I was one of those women who sailed through pregnancy and loved being pregnant, or even just had an uncomplicated pregnancy, I would do it. I think it would feel amazing. What better gift is there, than the gift of life?! I would only do gestational surrogacy.

 

[November1984]

Although traditional surrogacy doesn't have the same ethical problems, the baby legally belongs to the surrogate mother if she refuses to give it up and it would be devastating if that happened. If we ever have fertility problems (and even if we don't) we will adopt.
.

It depends on the location where the surrogacy contract is drafted. In most cases a traditional surrogate (or otherwise) cannot just decide to keep the baby legally without a lot of recourse. In fact, in the state I used to live in (California, USA) parental rights for a surrogate are completely and legally terminated prior to the birth of the baby. In these cases the surrogate IS NOT listed on the birth certificate. In most cases there are very detailed and experienced lawyers working a surrogacy or egg donation contract. If a surrogate attempted to breach contract she would have to go through lengthy legal proceedings and depending on the situation could get sued for A LOT of money.

Here in the UK surrogacy arrangements are not enforceable by law and the child is the legal child of the surrogate mother, even if genetically they are the child of the commissioning couple.. There have been several high profile cases of surrogate mothers refusing to give up the baby and the courts have ruled in favour of the surrogate.

I thought because of the legal issues surrounding donation and surrogacy there that most infertile couples (that choose surrogacy/donation) go the international route. I know a very large amount of the couples that were w/my agencies were from abroad.
I would def go abroad if I were looking for eggs or a surrogate and lived there, too iffy.

 

[trumpetbum]

I'd be a host surrogate for someone I was close to. The list of people I'd do it for is down to 2 people now as everyone else I'd consider it for has their children. I hope for their sakes it's never an issue as infertility is a painful experience I hope none of my loved ones ever experience.

 

[cherryglitter]

What about women who are paid for surrogacy? Do you think they should be paid?

This is just my opinion, but I don't think women should be paid. Maybe in the in places where healthcare wasn't free, then maybe it should be covered. But not make a wage from it.
Does that even happen? Im sure I watched a programme on surrogacy before where the mother was paid a fortune to be a surrogate.

 

[November1984]

What about women who are paid for surrogacy? Do you think they should be paid?

This is just my opinion, but I don't think women should be paid. Maybe in the in places where healthcare wasn't free, then maybe it should be covered. But not make a wage from it.
Does that even happen? Im sure I watched a programme on surrogacy before where the mother was paid a fortune to be a surrogate.

Pain and suffering. I think 100% women should be paid for lost work, lost time.
It's not legally considered making a wage or income in places where women get funds from the (like the USA).

I have been paid for pain & suffering from egg donation. It can't even be taxed because it doesn't fit under the legal definition of income. I never considered it income. I have been paid anywhere from 7,000 to 15,000 USD per cycle and to be honest there is no dollar amount that makes up what your body goes through. I never requested a certain amount, I always left it up to the couple.

 

[kiwimama]

I don't think I'd ever be a surrogate - only because I don't do pregnancy very well - I get really moody, sick and also have fibroids which grow to an enormous size during pregnancy which means I am a big as a woman who is carrying twins and the risks that come along with that - preterm labour, small baby, hemmorage etc.

 

[PeanutBean]

Wow who unsurfaced this old timer?!

I wouldn't be a surrogate nor would I want one. If I was infertile beyond anything else I would adopt. I think it's unlikely I would donate eggs.

 

[SKATERBUN]

^ wss

 

[samface182]

i couldn't do it. even if it wasn't my egg, i couldn't carry a child for 9 months and then hand it over to the couple. i think it's a wonderful thing that people do it, i just personally couldn't

 

[lesleyann]

What about women who are paid for surrogacy? Do you think they should be paid?

This is just my opinion, but I don't think women should be paid. Maybe in the in places where healthcare wasn't free, then maybe it should be covered. But not make a wage from it.
Does that even happen? Im sure I watched a programme on surrogacy before where the mother was paid a fortune to be a surrogate.

Pain and suffering. I think 100% women should be paid for lost work, lost time.
It's not legally considered making a wage or income in places where women get funds from the (like the USA).

I have been paid for pain & suffering from egg donation. It can't even be taxed because it doesn't fit under the legal definition of income. I never considered it income. I have been paid anywhere from 7,000 to 15,000 USD per cycle and to be honest there is no dollar amount that makes up what your body goes through. I never requested a certain amount, I always left it up to the couple.

I agree with above in away since you are giving up your body, your life for 9months going though things with having needles jabed in you and then pushing a baby our or having to have a C-section then having a perminant scar, time off work after having baby due to just your body recovering..

However with saying that i think there should be a limit on what can be paid/charged, i think it should cover loss of earnings for time off work you need for scans, midwife appoitments, recover from birth, some type of fund for giving up your body for 9months and something for the stress and marks it will forever leave on your body.