Surrogacy - debate/discussion

Discussion in 'News & Debates' started by Wobbles, Oct 25, 2006.

  1. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    Little debate/discussion :D

    Would you turn to surrogacy if you had permanent fertility problems?

    Would you be a surrogate for a woman who could never carry her own child so she can complete her family?

    There is two types of surrogacy:

    Traditional (Straight) surrogacy:- The surrogate uses her own egg fertilised with the intended father's sperm. This is done by artificial insemination using a syringe or there are an increasing number of infertility clinics willing to help with traditional surrogacy.

    Gestational (Host IVF) surrogacy:- The surrogate carries the intended parent's genetic child conceived through IVF, for which specialist doctors are needed. For this treatment the infertile woman must still have working ovaries.
     
  2. lexis_mommy

    lexis_mommy Well-Known Member

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    i would do it for someone i think...probably the 2nd one more likely tho, Gestational, just because then i wouldn't feel as much of an attachment because i know its not my egg and what not that made the baby. i think its horrible that there are so many good people out there who can't conceive and if someone asked me to help them out i definitely would :) i don't see any reason why not :D as for using a surrogate mother...why not? its like adoption, but you can know the mother and watch her progress through her pregnancy. i think surrogate mothers are a good idea:D
     
  3. Arcanegirl

    Arcanegirl Bazinga!!

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    Not sure if i could do it myself but i would have no probs using a surrogate if we needed to.

    I would donate my eggs, i dont feel an attachment with eggs like i would if i were pregnant.
     
  4. hauptuser

    hauptuser Well-Known Member

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    I could imagine to turn to surrogacy, but I can hardly imagine that I would do it myself.

    I don`t think I could stand the feeling to give "my" baby away (and it would be "my" baby if it grew up in my stomach - no matter if it was not my egg or my husbands sperm).
     
  5. MrsE

    MrsE Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't to it, I couldn't carry it for 9 months and give it up even if it wasn't my egg.
    I don't think I'd like someone to do it for me either, I couldn't think about her having sex with another man with my baby inside her.
    It would kill me not to know exactly what she's feeling, symptoms, kicks etc
    And having a baby that I couldn't be with when I wanted whilst it's growing.

    I've thought about this a lot as my friend offered to be a surrogate for me, she has 2 children and her and her OH want another baby in a couple of years but she said after that she wants no more but would carry mine and DH.
    But she drinks and smokes throughout her whole pregnancies which would also worry me to death.

    Doesn't the birth mother have to go on the birth certificate even if it isn't her egg?

    Like AG said I could quite happily donate eggs but I couldn't give birth and hand it over.

    If I was even in a situation where I couldn't have another child then I think I would like to try the adoption route first.

    I think the people that do it are brave and I applaude them, but there is so much to thinkabout.

    Makes you think though...

    Cx
     
  6. Tootsie

    Tootsie Well-Known Member

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    I would do it. I would be a surrogate with or without egg.

    Knowing full well that couple want a child so badly they are willing to go through the process of another person carrying their child. I would be honoured.

    I dont think my OH would be too keen on me doing it though so it would need major discussion before hand, but i'm sure i could convince him.

    I am a person who is always willing to help out someone else. In whatever way i can.
     
  7. Lauz_1601

    Lauz_1601 Well-Known Member

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    This is something Iv thought about before, I love to do things for other people, I sailed through my last pregnancy, and it is something I would consider. It would have to be with the mothers egg though, so the baby isn't genetically mine, then I wouldn't feel as attched to it.

    Also I would want to have a c-section, I dont know why but I think If I didnt go through the birth experience i wouldnt get as attached and could see it more as an operation (no offence to anyone who had sections, Im not saying you only bond with your baby if you have a vaginal birth)

    and If I was infertile, then surrogacy is definaly something I would consider before going along the adoption route.
     
  8. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    I would be able to donate eggs but that is it.

    I would and i know for a fact i would get to attatched to the child xxxxx
     
  9. vicky

    vicky Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't be able to Spending that long with a child inside you feeling it kick and move around and having to give birth to the baby i know i would feel attached to it.

    I would Donate an egg/eggs though, i do think it is really mean for people who do deserve children have to go through all that they go through to have the children.
     
  10. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    I do wonder sometimes how life can sway you answer! Like would a parent who knows how important & special a family is be willing to consider being a surrogate but another woman blessed with her own children know that special meaning & donate eggs! Would you say no to both?

    Would a woman with no kids say she couldn't yet would that woman if she sadly fell into the position of infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss change her opinions?
     
  11. Arcanegirl

    Arcanegirl Bazinga!!

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    Would you turn to surrogacy wobbs?
     
  12. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    It's been a thought in my house yes :D

    I'll go into more detail after my soaps or whist my soaps are on with the lappy :lol:
     
  13. vicky

    vicky Well-Known Member

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    I have just asked my OH if he would attually let me (Even though i have said no but would donate an egg) He said absoulty not.

    I think if your going to be a surrogacy it does effect the whole family and the other people's family.
     
  14. Jo

    Jo I'm an old bag!

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    I would donate egss without a doubt ( i wouldn't know who had them then)

    As for being a surrogate it would have to be with someone elses egss, so nothing was mine, i would just be an incubator

    But saying that i would have been surrogate after i had Emily as i had such a great pregnancy

    But my pregnancy with Jack was so bad i don't think i could do it now, I couldn't bring myself to be so ill for someone else (selfish i know) but mine and Jacks life could have been at risk and to risk that for someone else would be too much
     
  15. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    Hmmm this is a really tough one.

    For me the easy bit is to say that I definitely wouldn't be a surrogate for someone else. Firstly, they probably wouldn't want me but also because we've found it so hard to conceive ourselves that if we do ever get PG it will be so precious and special (not that other people's aren't IYKWIM) I can't imagine going through that and being able to hand away the baby at the end. I know I just couldn't handle it.

    As for using one. Ultimately, I don't think so. I'd be so nervous that something would go wrong and that they wouldn't hand over the baby at the end.

    MrsE, I think you're right about the birth certificate thing. How hard to bear would that be, even if it was your egg that the other woman would be classed as the mother?

    As for egg donation, probably not either. You'd have to go through the stimulation part of IVF to produce the eggs for collection and go through the egg collection process. Could I do that again for someone else? Well, no I don't think so. :oops: I'm not even sure I could do it myself again.

    I have donated some of my eggs that didn't make it for research into IVF, specifically ICSI which is the treatment we had where they inject a single sperm into the egg. It's highly complex and they use the eggs that don't fertilise to practice the injection on with a tiny bead.

    I have also donated the fluid that surrounds my eggs to research. When they collected the eggs they kinda drain that off and normally it gets chucked. They're doing some research at my hospital to see if there is anything in there that would indicate why someone has fertility problems.

    Here's a question for you? Would you donate embryos? Just say for instance OH and I are incredibly lucky and every embryo they transfer is successful and we have a child. I have 2 in me now and 6 frosties in store. I know there is someone on here TTC Number 8, but that's not for us! We are allowed to keep them in store for 5 years. After which they will want to destroy them, carry out research on them or donate them to another couple. I have to say, none of which are fabulous options and is a decision that realistically we're unlikely to face, but what would you do if you did?

    H

    xx
     
  16. Arcanegirl

    Arcanegirl Bazinga!!

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    I would donate them
     
  17. Tam

    Tam Mum of 2 - PG with No.3

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    Oh wow, where to start........

    After having Jade, I said to Mum that I would do surrogacy as I enjoyed my pregnancy so much and to be able to give someone else so much joy would be brilliant.....but that was 8 years ago now and I sailed thru that pregnancy...

    8 Years on, here I am pregnant and I have not had an easy time of it, although it is starting to get better for me now. I would have to wait for the birth of Alfie before I could say whether or not I think I could do it again, as I may feel completely different this time around....if that all makes sense? But I certainly get where Jo is coming, giving my experiences this time around. I would have to really talk it thru with Paul and see how he would feel about it, especially gievn how rough I have been this time around......I know Jade is hating it at times when I am unwell, so there would be a lot to consider, but as I said, I do not know about handy over the baby until I have had Alfie.....I would like to think, I could do it after giving it a lot of serious consideration & talks with Paul.

    As for turning to surrogacy, I would be soo scared, but I think I would turn to it and really hope I had a strong women to carry for us....i.e she would not change her mind. but I think I would have to use my eggs if possible, but I would do it the other way if I didn't have a choice.

    Helen......oh wow hun, they are not great options at all are they? But I think I would have to donate them, I couldn't see the chance of life being destroyed in any way for no reason.....I would have to give another couple a chance of being happy with a little bundle of joy I think............What are your thoughts on it hun, do you have any idea what you would do if faced with the decision? It is a hard one isnt it, well all scenarios are for different reasons!
     
  18. Im not too sure how I feel about this. I would love to donate eggs, I really would. But I think the laws have changed now, so not too sure again!

    I would love to be a surrogate mother but I think I would grow too attached to the baby in my belly. :(

    I would use a surrogate mother though, if I were to have infertility issues.
     
  19. November1984

    November1984 Well-Known Member

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    I have done egg donation but could never do surrogacy as I think I would feel bonded.
    Also, w/traditional surrogacy (surrogate uses her own egg) there has been so many legal issues that many agencies I have been to will not offer it anymore.
     
  20. freckleonear

    freckleonear Crunchy mummy

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    Personally I would never use a surrogate, be a surrogate or donate eggs.

    Gestational surrogacy wouldn't be an option for us because most types of IVF involve the destruction of unwanted embryos. Although traditional surrogacy doesn't have the same ethical problems, the baby legally belongs to the surrogate mother if she refuses to give it up and it would be devastating if that happened. If we ever have fertility problems (and even if we don't) we will adopt.

    I could never be a surrogate because I hate pregnancy. The baby at the end is the only good part so I couldn't give it up!

    I wouldn't donate eggs due to ethical concerns with IVF and also because I feel responsible for all my genetic children, if they were being brought up by someone else then I wouldn't be fulfilling that responsibility.
     

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