Swearing around/at children - does it matter?

[wanna_bump]

This is one of my big pet peeves, if it can be called that. I droped ds off at school this morning and as I was coming out of the school gates I saw a little boy from my sons class slip and fall on the grass. Anyway, his mum and dad were nearby, the dad laughed and said something along the lines of 'stupid b*stard' then instead of asking if he was ok the mother pulled him aside and shouted at him 'why is it always f*cking you? Look at the f*cking state of you' (it has been raining yesterday so was obv muddy, so she shouldnt have let him on wet/muddy grass in the 1st place). I thought he must have been so upset being spoken to like that right before school...but then - bless him, hes probably used to it. So - does it impact on child being swore at..do they become used to it or does it have negative impacts on their self-esteem?

 

[robinator]

Yes, they take it personally and it affects their self esteem! Kids have this unfortunate response in that anything that goes wrong in their family, they tend to think that they are to blame. That they must have done something wrong in order for these bad things to happen (like divorce, etc.).

Since kids internalize things so deeply, to be openly cussed at or criticized goes deeper than anyone could ever know.

 

[wanna_bump]

I totally agree...i hate seeing it happen and its so sad. Im always tempted to say something but it'd just make matters worse

 

[robinator]

And that this parent treated her child like this in full view of his peers, humiliates him and adds a deposit of shame to his self esteem.

It makes me really sad that not only would a parent tear down their child, but to do it publicly.

 

[wanna_bump]

some parents obv dont see it that way and think its an acceptable way to speak to a child

 

[robinator]

I can understand why they might think it is acceptable - namely if they were treated the same way by their parents. But that doesn't make it okay. If this is the case, all I can say is that while people are not responsible for how they were treated in the past, they are responsible for what they do about it now. Turning a blind eye and screaming/cussing/humiliating your child is not doing something about it.....

 

[ahcigar1]

This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, if you can call it that. It more like pisses me off. I can't stand to see parents cursing at their kids or cursing around them at all. To me kids don't need to hear those kinds of words and it does affect how they grow up as well as who they become as adults. My husband is a classic example of that. And right now it is a very heated topic in our house on the fact that he needs to work on curbing his language.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I would never swear at my son, but, and this is a controversial way to go, I'm not going to censor myself. I'll teach Alex that he can swear at home, but not in public or around other people or at school. And it can be done I've had friends that have done it.

 

[smelly07]

imo there is a HUGE difference between swearing AROUND them and swearing AT them..............both my girls have heard myself and my husband swear although we do try not too BUT they know they are adult words and its not actually very nice but sometimes we say them without thinking and by mistake. They know swear words but never say them as they know its wrong,............children will learn swear words eventually but as long as they know not to say them and why they shouldnt, thats good enough for me.

i would never swear at my girls, i think that is absolutely disgusting and very very wrong............its verbal abuse.

 

[wanna_bump]

oh, yeah ive let the odd word or two slip out around my son, but never have i said a swear word too him. But as you say its very very different.

I personally wouldnt let my child swear around the home, its unnessacery, yes they will learn them eventually but children grow up too quickly already without adding adult vocabulary to the list

 

[wanna_bump]

seeing/listeing to children swear, esp when they are really young, is horrible too, just my opinion

 

[JASMAK]

I know people are going to freak out because I am saying the word abuse, but I believe talking to your child in that manner, swearing at them and putting them down, is highly destructive and ABUSIVE. There, I said it. People don't like to hear that, but to me, it is ABUSE. Swearing in general, no. Swearing AT your child...definitly.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I think its absolutely awful.

We will never swear at or around our child cause believe it or not we dont swear full stop.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I know people are going to freak out because I am saying the word abuse, but I believe talking to your child in that manner, swearing at them and putting them down, is highly destructive and ABUSIVE. There, I said it. People don't like to hear that, but to me, it is ABUSE. Swearing in general, no. Swearing AT your child...definitly.

I agree Jasmak, its verbal and emotional abuse

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Oh yes, swearing at your child is no doubt verbal abuse.

 

[wanna_bump]

im glad most of you agree with me, i didnt know if it was perhaps me being a bit more 'traditional' but obv not. Its very much verbal abuse and i dont think the parents who do it realise what harm they are doing

 

[lhancock90]

I'd rather my kids didn't swear and as best i can, hold off from using any curse words around them.
Cursing at them? Disgusting behaviour.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

imo there is a HUGE difference between swearing AROUND them and swearing AT them..............both my girls have heard myself and my husband swear although we do try not too BUT they know they are adult words and its not actually very nice but sometimes we say them without thinking and by mistake. They know swear words but never say them as they know its wrong,............children will learn swear words eventually but as long as they know not to say them and why they shouldnt, thats good enough for me.

i would never swear at my girls, i think that is absolutely disgusting and very very wrong............its verbal abuse.

This Totally different IMO.

Both DD1 and 2 have heard swear words from different sources but both know that they are not to say them, they know that it is wrong and that they are not very nice words.

 

[highhopes19]

I'm the worst one for swearing around Isabelle and I'm really really trying to stop now as she's getting bigger and she's learning new words I'd be mortified if she picked up a swear word.

To me theirs nothing more horrid than hearing a little child swear swear...
So I'm making a pledge now to never swear infront of her again pinky promise was saying this to Tom earlier that I must start to watch what is say.

I swore at Isabelle once nothing big but i was very ill with an infection in my scar and she was constantly waking in the night Tom didn't get up to her so it was just me getting up and I said to her "please shut the f**k up" after I said it I've never hugged her so hard in all my life I felt like the worst mother ever. Never again have I done and and never would

Xx

 

[Natsku]

I have to admit that a few times in a very sleep deprived state I've said something like "will you just fucking sleep!" to Maria but felt so so bad about it. I do think its wrong to swear at children. I agree that its verbal abuse and feel so guilty about those times I did it

But I don't have a problem with swearing around Maria. I try not to do it too much but I don't overly censor myself. When she's old enough to understand I'll teach her appropriate versus inappropriate situations for swearing.