Talking about puberty

[cat_reversing]

When did you start talking to your kids about puberty? Did you talk or give them a book?
Although DD is only nearly 5 we've already discussed body changes and periods as she's seen me, which I'm fine with, it's a natural part of life after all, we've talked about boy changes too, but not about sex yet. She's seen her dad's body and knows the differences between male and female bodies. Some friends with boys still haven't had a conversation about changes yet and the kids are nearly 10, which I think is too late.
I'd rather DD heard it all from me than from the playground and that the subject was openly talked about without embarrassment. I've also told her not to talk to her friends yet, a bit like not talking about what we do in the toilet. It is a contradiction but I know many parents don't feel ready to tackle the subject yet so I want to respect that.
What do you think?

 

[Rags]

I understand you saying to your daughter not to talk about this to her friends, I've said the same to my Ds (who is now 7). My reasoning for this is two fold;

1st - I've been explaining to my Ds the scientific way babies are made and how boys and girls bodies change and develop since he first began asking questions to do with this at two and a half. He understands more than they are teaching the primary 7's in their Health & Wellbeing sessions!

2nd - I've been very clear that many other parents decide they don't want their children to have all of this information and so avoid or invent alternatives and that it's not his place to correct them.

I've been very lucky to have a friend who thinks the same as me about this. Her daughter is a couple of days younger than my son and she and I have always shared where our children are and the specific language we are using so that the children can discuss the whole subject openly with each other should they wish.
So, this said I don't think you need wait to teach any part of human development or reproduction, if a child is asking questions then why not give them the information?

 

[Zephram]

It's perfectly fine to give kids the scientific explanation about our bodies, function of parts of our bodies and sex. That's what I've done with our eldest when he's asked, though we haven't had a proper discussion about sex or puberty yet. I'm currently pregnant and he still hasn't asked how the baby got in there, but I assume the question is coming sometime soon!

To simplify it for her, I wouldn't say she shouldn't talk about it with others, so much as I would emphasise that if she wants to talk about it or she has questions she should come to you and not her friends. I wouldn't want to risk making it a taboo subject by saying don't talk about it.

 

[Natsku]

Had a discussion about it at the swimming pool the other week with Maria (she's 6 now), can't remember what prompted the conversation but she asked what puberty was and I explained about body hairs (which she already knew from the book Hair In Funny Places) and breasts starting to grow and periods starting (she's known about periods for years seeing me in the loo) and that its how the body prepares for being able to make babies.

Basically my approach is to answer questions as they come and luckily she's curious enough to ask basic questions but not so curious yet that they become awkward! Haven't told her not to talk to her friends about it as I reckon most parents in my area are quite straightforward and matter of fact about these kinds of things.

 

[hunniechunks]

We've been talking about it since they first started questioning the differences between their bodies and their dad's and mine. All in really simple terms and not much detail just yet. We also had the discussion about how babies are made when I was pregnant with my youngest. I remember feeling very awkward talking about my body with my parents and I don't want any of mine to feel that way so we just answer questions as honestly as we can when they ask them.

 

[Rags]

We've been talking about it since they first started questioning the differences between their bodies and their dad's and mine. All in really simple terms and not much detail just yet. We also had the discussion about how babies are made when I was pregnant with my youngest. I remember feeling very awkward talking about my body with my parents and I don't want any of mine to feel that way so we just answer questions as honestly as we can when they ask them.

My mum said very little to me when I was growing up, it really felt all last minute/need to know NOW! When I began explaining things to Ds at his very young age my sister was very surprised and a bit upset (she'd yet to explain anything to her daughter who is 4 years older) but my mum was incredibly supportive saying that if she her time again she too would be far more open and begin far sooner than she did. I'm also very open with Ds about male and female bodies and reproduction as I feel it's as important that he understands menstruation and female puberty as much as how his body works and changes. We've also spent some time talking about other gender types and how these can effect young people as the grow - I hope I'm being open to anything he wants information on.

 

[choc]

I am really interested in this and desperate to get it right. As a previous poster said, my mum did not tell me anything at all I leant it all from friends and school which consequently made me so incredibly embarrassed to talk about anything to do with my body with my mum.I couldn't tell her when I started my period or talk to her about boyfriends or anything. I am desperate for my boys not to have that same experience but I know I will be rubbish at it. My eldest is definitely going to ask me how babies are made soon, would anyone be kind enough to tell me how they explained? What words did you use and how much detail? I need a script!

 

[Rags]

I am really interested in this and desperate to get it right. As a previous poster said, my mum did not tell me anything at all I leant it all from friends and school which consequently made me so incredibly embarrassed to talk about anything to do with my body with my mum.I couldn't tell her when I started my period or talk to her about boyfriends or anything. I am desperate for my boys not to have that same experience but I know I will be rubbish at it. My eldest is definitely going to ask me how babies are made soon, would anyone be kind enough to tell me how they explained? What words did you use and how much detail? I need a script!

Hi Choc, I hope my experience can help you, although Ds was very young when he first asked 'How does a baby get into your tummy?' so my language was very simple to start and has developed as he has.

So, to his initial question I answered that most babies are made in the tummy when two seeds, each with half the information to make a baby, bump together in the womb, which is a cosy snug place for a baby to grow till it's ready to come out. I left it at that until he came back to me a couple of weeks later and asked where the seeds come from - I explained that one seed is inside the women from when she is a baby and the other comes from a man who is often the daddy. In my sons case I took the chance to explain his conception at this point as he was donor conceived and it was important to me that this never become some great revelation when he's older, so I told him that as I didn't have a husband or partner I was very lucky because a Dr let me use the seeds left with them by a very generous man who knew that some people need help to have their baby. All of these questions came before my son was 3 to that point that by the time he was three my friend and I showed her daughter and my Ds a fantastic video, I can't remember the specific one but there are some great ones on youtube; https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=conception+to+birth

As i said my language has changed and developed over the year, by the time he was four instead of 'seeds' it was 'sperm' & 'eggs', womb was 'uterus' he knew the usual way sperm went into a women - he worked this out himself just by seeing diagrams of male and female genitals.

I've always be very careful to let him take the lead on this but I've never been shy to answer anything he has asked. Once he began to ask he continued and we even sat down and watched the BBC series 'The Amazing Making of Me' when he was about 4 1/2 or 5.

So, that's how I did it. I think that you need to be comfortable about the words you are going to use and how far you are happy to go before you start and then let him decide how much he wants to know and when. I hope this helps?

 

[choc]

Thanks that is really helpful. I think the bit that makes me most nervous is, how does the man get his seed into the lady!

 

[Rags]

Thanks that is really helpful. I think the bit that makes me most nervous is, how does the man get his seed into the lady!

Lol lots! Yes, I was nervous about that too - in fact very early on he did ask me how did sperm normally get into a women and I'll admit that I did say I'd tell him that when he was older - he then came back to me within the week to say he'd worked it out himself, I asked him to explain what he thought and he was right! Last year when we were on a road trip together (he'd just turned 6) I was listening to the car radio and contraception was mentioned, he asked me what this was and when I explained he replied 'but surely the best way to not get pregnant is for the man not to put his sperm into the women'. I've explained that although that is true he's still got a lot to learn about how emotions and feelings will effect ow easy that is!!

 

[cat_reversing]

It's perfectly fine to give kids the scientific explanation about our bodies, function of parts of our bodies and sex. That's what I've done with our eldest when he's asked, though we haven't had a proper discussion about sex or puberty yet. I'm currently pregnant and he still hasn't asked how the baby got in there, but I assume the question is coming sometime soon!

To simplify it for her, I wouldn't say she shouldn't talk about it with others, so much as I would emphasise that if she wants to talk about it or she has questions she should come to you and not her friends. I wouldn't want to risk making it a taboo subject by saying don't talk about it.

DD is a chatterbox and likes to tell everyone everything. I don't have a problem with that, I'm not the type to get embarrassed about bodies or ' are you doing a poo' questions when were in a public toilet, i just don't think the other parents of the kids in her class would appreciate it if she starts going round the class telling the boys their willies are going to get bigger and the girls that they are going to bleed. In a couple of years when the subject is more around for everyone, things will be different.