Team yellow but worried about sibling gender disappointment

[superfrizbee]

Hi everyone. I'm nearly 22 weeks and had my 20 scan yesterday (our hospital does them a bit later). I have a DD who is nearly 5 and a DS who is 2.5. My DD really wants this baby to be a little girl. I have explained to her already that we don't get to choose, but yesterday at the scan I thought I saw a flash of boy bits before the sonographer told us to look away. I'm not sure. We were looking from above down at the abdoman and it could have been the pelvis or pubic bone. It seemed big for boy parts, but who knows! Anyway. I'm a tad worried about not being able to "prepare" my dd if it is a boy and I'd be sad if she were disappointed when "he" arrived. At the same time I want to stay team yellow, as this is my last planned baby and I have never had the surprise before. She does sometimes referred to baby as a she, and sometimes as a he. Does anyone have any experience of gender disappointment in siblings?

 

[Girly922]

No experience as such, but my DD is desperate for this baby to be a girl too. We're also staying team yellow, and as much as I feel like this baby is a girl we want to prepare DD for the possibility that baby could be a boy.
She's 3.5y and has even told us she will be sad if baby is a boy, I'm just relying on when she sees baby she'll love them no matter if they're a boy or a girl.

 

[sil]

We have two DS, 3y10m and 1y9m. We found out the gender of this baby at 16 weeks along and told DS1 that the baby is a girl. He instantly started stomping his feet saying "NO! ITS A BOY! I DONT LIKE GIRLS! ITS A BROTHER!". It took him about 3-4 weeks to get past it, and now when anyone asks him about the baby he beams and refers to her as baby sister. I think it was more about the shock of baby not being what he expected than it was about the actual gender. I'm sure the minute he/she is born, your DD will be fawning over him/her and not even notice the gender. However, if not, that's completely normal too and in time she'll love him to pieces and forget she even wanted only a girl in the first place.

 

[DobbyForever]

I just want to second SIL. I think the only way to prepare for either outcome is to keep reminding her that baby could be a boy or a girl but no matter what she gets to be a big, helpful sister. I definitely say stay team yellow and have your surprise. She'll be just fine

 

[hello_kitty]

When kids are old enough to understand, they always want the baby to be like them (their gender). You are right in saying that we dont get to choose, there's really no other way to put it. Once baby is here, she will come to accept it. My 4 year old wants a baby brother as well, despite already having a 2.5 year old brother. I keep reminding him a baby sister is just as cute so he doesnt care anymore. He's now just looking forward to having a baby to hold, feed, and snuggle with (all the activities he said he'll do with the new baby). Just say positive things about the baby and I am sure she will begin to look forward to it despite the gender.

 

[xdxxtx]

Sort of?????? My oldest wanted "another Allie" (my daughter's name) when we were expecting our fourth. He was obsessed with getting another sister and talked about it every single day since finding out I was expecting (which was at 3 weeks along)! My oldest was 3 at this time, but when we found out at the ultrasound that #4 would be a boy, and he just rolled with it. He was thrilled and helped pick out a name and everything. I'm not sure if your child will just change her mind and be fine with it, but it is a good idea to try to get her accustomed to possibly not getting the sibling she has in mind, especially since the baby will be born before she gets to find out the sex and won't have time to work through it, to make sure she doesn't resent the baby for not being her little sister if she does get a brother.

 

[superfrizbee]

Thanks everyone. She is a sweetheart in general who loves her little brother. She is a fab big sister (most of the time!). I think she will adore baby once she meets him or her - she is already very excited - but it still does worry me! She hasn't felt baby kick yet. I'm hoping that and taking her along to a private 4d scan will help her bond some more regardless of gender.

 

[DobbyForever]

Awww that'll be so fun for her

 

[ARuppe716]

Ds insisted for weeks that this baby would be a girl. Then suddenly 2 weeks before the gender scan he became adamant it would be a boy, that he only wanted a boy, and did not want a girl. We planned on bringing him into the scan with us so I did a lot of prep that we don't get to pick, it is whatever the dr says it is. He was told he could be upset if it wasnt what he wanted but he wasn't allowed to pitch a fit in the scan or he would have to leave the room. We are having a girl and he sort of made a face but moved on quickly. Now he loves talking about his baby sister!

So I agree, prep the best you can and ultimately she will get over it quickly!

 

[Stellae]

It'll fade quickly if she's disappointed! You could always show her the baby first, then let her know (or see) the gender second, if you think seeing the baby first will inspire enough happiness to trump gender blues!