Telling your parents

[DillyDaffodil]

How did you approach this? I have a couple of concerns/questions.

I'd like to tell my parents soonish - I am 5 weeks now. I will need their support if something goes wrong so I don't mind telling them early. I'd also like to do something sweet, but not corny. Everything I google is about telling them at Christmas or Mothers Day, which obviously won't work for our timing. Do you have any creative ideas that won't make people's eyes roll?

Second concern: I'd rather not tell my husbands parents right away. I don't get along the best with them. They have behaved really badly throughout our wedding and early marriage and have spoiled the relationship. I still try my best to be nice, but they aren't my favorite people in the world. My husband's father has been "hinting" that he wants a grandchild for a while now. This behavior makes me angry - I personally believe its none of anyone's business if you are going to have a child, and asking these questions can be really hurtful if you ARE trying and haven't been successful, or if one or both partners just doesn't want children. Anyway, I feel like if I tell them too early, he will ... I don't know ... how to put it? ... I just don't feel like telling them early is the right move. I also do not trust them to keep it a secret. Have any of you told the sets of parents at different times?

Thank you ladies! xo

 

[krulci]

I'm in a very similar situation. My in-laws were terrible to me from the beginning, and perhaps your experience will be different, but I've continued to struggle even after having 'their grandchildren'. I told my mom (not close with my dad) first, every time I've been pregnant, and waited to tell my in-laws. Each time DH tells his parents we're pregnant before I'm ready, something happens to the pregnancy and we have to announce the loss, too. It becomes very painful very quickly. On the other hand, telling my mom early means I have someone to talk to about concerning symptoms, positive symptoms, or someone to call if I do lose the baby and need her to take my other kids while we go to the ER.

With this baby, we are waiting until I'm too large to conceal it, anymore, and even then, we won't say anything before 14 weeks. Does that help?

 

[hellojello25]

Hey girl, first of all, congratulations!!

I don't have any suggestions for the first question. My Mom got the pee stick in her face because I was kind of freaking out at the time. However, BF's mom got a cake that said "Baby Last Name, Coming 4/16/16". So maybe something like that?

For the second question, yes, we told my parents and his mother at different times for similar reasons. And when we told his mother, we told her not to tell anyone, so she decided to tell BF's 4 year old niece...who could have blabbed it to the entire family. Secretly I wonder if that's what his mother wanted. Luckily, his niece wasn't really interested and didn't say a word. And we decided that next time we have a child, we aren't going to tell her until we're ready to tell everyone, just because she can't keep her mouth shut. But the different timing worked out well for us because I needed/wanted my parents' support.

Everything has worked out fine now, everyone is excited for the baby, and there were no grudges regarding the different time frames. At least, not that I know of lol. Its your baby, so you don't have to tell anyone about it if you don't want to. Just sit down and talk to him about how you feel. Communication is always key in a relationship, especially now. Good luck!

 

[psychochick]

I told my parents at 4 weeks for the same reasons: I'd want them to know even if it didn't work out. But we haven't told dhs parents. I get along with them well but neither Dh nor I see the point of telling his parents because they are far and can't really help. So it's normal to tell parents separately.

Can't help you with the how though. I just sent my parents a pic of a digital hpt and that's that.

 

[awnmyown]

We told our parents at different times as well. I surprised my parents with A&W Grandpa burgers (I made my mom's read Grandma with a sharpie). It's off an old A&W commercial and they really loved it. Not too sappy but definitely funny. We swore them to secrecy (they're great at that), and eventually let them know when it was public knowledge).

DH's parents we told over a family breakfast and he showed off a onesie I gave him that read "Player 3 has entered the game". Again cute, not too over the top.

Honestly, trust your gut. You're dealing with enough to not need to worry about how one set of parents makes you feel. Do it when you're ready. They don't all need to know together

 

[Buffyx]

With my last pregnancy, we told both sets of parents on Christmas Day. But that was easy, because there are lots of Christmas ideas - as you pointed out I was just shy of 6 weeks.

I did have a m/c prior to that pregnancy, and we had told them. It was very nice to have their support, but I also felt really bad disappointing them when I had to tell them it didn't work out.

I'm 7+3 today and we haven't told anyone. I have a dating scan today, so we will possibly tell them if it all goes well.

Personally, we tell both sets of parents because I don't feel like it's fair for me to make DH wait. It's his baby too, and his family, and he wants to tell them. If your OH doesn't want to tell them then I suppose that's fine.

 

[thestarsfall]

I am kinda backwards from this but I want to tell my in laws way more than I want to tell my parents. My MIL has been very supportive of us and we get along most of the time even with having really strong differences in beliefs in certain topics. She is very careful not to have pressured us to have kids before we're ready even when other people would be like "so no grandchildren yet?" to her.

My mother on the other hand, has made comments about how we shouldn't have kids for a while (we have a bunch of debt and are in a 1 br apartment and she thinks we should be debt free and have a house basically) and she is also one to just say really mean/hurtful things even though I don't think she means them to be mean...she'll just ask without any tact and it's kinda rude. So I am actually really not looking forward to telling her. My dad I think will be fine, might grumble a bit about it taking us longer to pay off debt but I can make a comeback about at least I'd have something to show for it then.

I really wanted to tell someone by bringing over ice cream for dessert and then pulling out "toppings" and have it be pickles but I don't think that's up my alley.. I like the cake idea and I might actually do that. And I kinda wanna get my sister to help out with telling my parents or else just using the prop I am going to use to tell her (she just had a baby in November so I am making her a onesie for my nephew that says "I love my cousin" and hopefully she'll get it) and then I can show that to my parents as well and hope they get it. lol.

 

[thestarsfall]

oh and we're waiting until after my 10 week appointment to start telling people and probably wont tell my parents until 13 weeks because they have also made comments about other people when they announce earlier. *rolls eyes*

 

[DillyDaffodil]

Thank you all for your perspectives!

I think we are going to tell my parents Valentines weekend with a corny homemade card that reads:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get ready for October!
That's when your grandbaby is due

I hope my husband doesn't push me to tell his parents until I'm ready. I just know his dad won't keep it a secret and I don't think I'd forgive him if he was the one that got to announce to our larger family groups that were expecting.

Thank you all again. 😘

 

[ajarvis]

I told my mom I'd been asleep before my oldest son every night for a week and she instantly said oh your prego aren't you??? lol. Problem solved. Not sure when the SO will tell his parents. But if he doesn't i'm sure I'll let it slip soon - I'm no good with secrets.