Terrible best man speech

Discussion in 'Bride & Beyond' started by Lunabelle, Aug 28, 2019.

  1. Lunabelle

    Lunabelle Mother of one

    Jan 7, 2015
    Likes Received:
    hi everyone,

    I want to ask what you think about this awkward situation I have been put in through my new husband's best man's awful speech. I have taken the countries out so not to hurt anyone's feelings who may be from the same culture.

    So as little background we come from different countries in Europe. He comes from a country where they knowingly drink like crazy and have quite a specific dark humour, they like to make fun of other people. In my country people can drink too, but not to the same level as in my husbands culture. Also at weddings we generally say nice things about the couple. The young people generally understand the dark humour, but the older people don't.

    The best man is stupid enough to not have enough self criticism. It was getting from bad to worse to then absolutely terrible. He really ruined the atmosphere for me, everything had gone so well up to that point and I was not able to enjoy the wedding the same anymore. One of the big reasons for that was because when I wanted to talk about it to my new husband he said: don't ruin the wedding. He has apologised about that now, but he is still struggling to understand fully why we are upset, although he has admitted the speech was awkward and out of place.

    So the best man kept on slashing the culture of my country. He kept making jokes about my culture. He didn't make a single joke about the grooms and his own culture. Some of the older people at the wedding found this very inappropriate and were even offended by it. I think as a worse mistake, the best man should fail to mention the bride but he has managed to make it worse by talking negatively about my country to a room where the majority where from my country. The wedding was in my country and most of the grooms guests had not been there before. To top it all off he distributed embarassing photos from the stag due. I was fuming. The priest left immediately after. I am angry at the groom for choosing an idiot like that to be the best man when he has nice friends too and to the BM for being such a tool.

    I have already told my new husband that I have no interest in having him in my life especially since he doesn't want us to tell how upset I, my family and some of the guests were by the speech. Now he is saying he doesn't want to ever be in contact with my mum anymore.

    I am also angry at the person who distributed the photos as I feel it was more embarassing for me since I had more family and family friends at the wedding whereas he only had his immediate family and the rest was friends. My friends have been making fun of him being from his country and the stereotype that stands out and I have been standing up for him saying he is not what you see in films and tv shows etc, only to be given the impression that I am completely naive and foolish.

    So i would like to bring this up with the guy too that distributed the photos since we are closer friends with him and his wife and i don't feel I can be their friend anymore if we don't let them know how upset we are by it.

    To top it up he had asked my mum what she thought of the speech, making my mum even more angry. She had just said she doesn't understand his humour. And his drunk girlfriend kept asking me if I was ok with the speech and saying how posh she is and how her family would have been upset. Yeah... then she said how we should go on a trip together, without the guys. I am not sure how much more dum people can be.

    My mum is messaging me about this everyday and my husband is saying he doesnt want to talk about this ever again. I really feel at lost at what to do. I don't want this to be the only thing people will talk about when the rest of the wedding was beautiful. I would love to let it go and just move on but I can't because my mum is so upset.

    My husband apologised to her today, but it doesn't seem to be enough.
    #1 Lunabelle, Aug 28, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2019
  2. erher

    erher Well-Known Member

    May 2, 2018
    Likes Received:
    I know you posted this awhile ago, but i just wanted to reply.
    Some people don't have filters. They don't know what's appropriate. It was very selfish and rude of the best man to use his speech as a platform to slander your culture. Even if he thought it was funny. It was not the right time or place.
    I'm sure many guests will remember it. That's just the way our memory works. We remember the things that are most shocking, unexpected ect.
    You have a right to be upset. But you Can't expect the best man to understand.
    I bet it was a beautiful day! Remember the good parts.
    I do hope things have smoothed over.

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