Terrified I won't be able to do it ... ? Questions ... ?

[_Meep_]

Hi all,

I just joined. My boyfriend and I are getting pretty serious about starting a family together, but we have decided to wait until January arrives to make a conscious effort! 2013 hasn't been the best year for me - new year, new start and all that. New baby too?!?!

Help.

I won't lie - I spend most of my spare time worrying about one thing or another. Recently (of course) I've been worried that I won't ever be able to get pregnant. I know that probably sounds silly, seeing as I haven't started trying yet, but I just can't get the thought out of my head. I came off the pill in March, having spent around eight years on it with very few breaks. My first two cycles were both 34 days (I think). Then my cycles have been 30 days, 32 days, 28 days and 30 days respectively. My last AF started on October 1st so I am now on day 9 of my cycle. I think my luteal phase is about 13 days.

I have been a little freaked out by my cycles being a bit irregular - unfortunately I don't really remember what they were like before I went on the pill, just that I had one AF every month, so they must have been fairly regular. I didn't know much about counting the days of your cycle back then (I will be 26 at the end of October).

Is it likely that I am NOT ovulating, do you think? I have some fairly good signs - EWCM sometimes allows me to predict exactly when AF will come, but other times I don't get very much of it, I think perhaps when I have not been well-hydrated? I also get very sore nips (oo-er) after I have presumably ovulated and up until about 1 or 2 days before AF. I am just finding my cycles confusing - this month for example, I completely miscalculated when predicting my next AF, due to very small and misleading amounts of EWCM and was convinced that AF was late and that I was pregnant! Then I got spooked out by my flow ... it seemed to be lighter than usual, and also shorter, so I'm looking forward to another one like that next month so I can tear my hair out all over again. I can feel myself slowly going a bit mad to be honest. Although I know charting would probably finally put my mind at rest, I am almost scared to try it, in case it shows that I'm not ovulating and totally infertile and ... agggghhh.

Does anyone else feel like this? The wait is almost too much to bear. I just want to KNOW, RIGHT NOW, if that makes any sense.

What do you guys think? Are my cycles normal? Does anyone else have cycles like these? Did you, or anyone you know, manage to get pregnant despite being almost convinced you/they were prematurely menopausal/infertile/anovulatory?

I should add that I have been pregnant once before when I was 17 (an accident), so I must have ovulated at least once in my lifetime ... ended in MC at around 10 weeks, but the baby had stopped developing at around 6 weeks. I think this traumatic experience probably gave birth to my total lack of faith in my reproductive system ... then again, I remember being convinced that I would never start my periods after my mother explained about them when I was eight.

Bugger.

Anyway, all input welcome, and sorry for the long post/rant.

Meep. x

 

[Eline]

I wouldn't worry too much. At this moment, there's no indication that there would be a problem for you to conceive. Sometimes your cycle is a couple of days longer, sometimes a bit shorter. That's absolutely normal. A lot of women are never spot on.
The only thing that is betting against you at the moment is you stressing out for no reason. You seem to be watching your body and cycle very closely, thinking you might not be ovulating, while there is no indication that you aren't. And how could charting prove that you aren't ovulating?
If there is anything that will prevent you from getting pregnant, it's putting your mind and body in a constant state of stress. You already sound like you're panicking and you haven't TTC yet.
I'd say try to relax. If you feel you need it, find someone to help you relax as you mention you're constantly worrying over one thing or another.

 

[_Meep_]

Hi, and thanks for your reply!

With regards to charting, I'm just scared that I will never notice that temperature spike and have to find out that my body isn't working properly. Probably just stupid negative thinking, but having a baby is so important to me, given what happened to me in the past.

I'd hate for that to have been my only chance. I want to just get down to it and find out everything is fine, give birth and bring up my child the best way I can, but we have made the decision to wait until January, so that's what we're going to do.

Meep. x

 

[Chai_w]

It's normal for your periods to still be a little different in terms of length after coming off birth control. Since you're saying the cycles have been around 30 day(give or take) your cycles sound like they are evening out.

Try not to stress too much, easier said then done I know, but stress will also effect your cycle. Were you able to speak with a doctor to find out why you had the mc? If they found the why normally they can help prevent it in the future.

I understand your worry about fertility I worry about it as well, my worry stems from my Gma and mom having a lot of mc's (medical, still born, and ectopic) though I've been told those were cause by nonbiological issues, I still panic about it.

 

[_Meep_]

Hi Chai.

I am naturally quite a neurotic person, so I do worry about messing up my cycles with stress - and of course, with this obsession over my fertility being as it is, cycle disturbances only make me MORE stressed. It's awful! But I am trying really hard to keep calm about it.

Unfortunately, this cycle I have had a rather upsetting time due to an ex who just wouldn't leave me alone - he has been bothering me for months and months, but recently it reached fever-pitch, and I had to involve the police. I think he will leave me alone now, but still, I felt sick and couldn't eat for about four days after the police intervened, so I'm hoping beyond hope that this won't delay ovulation!

To be honest, I really don't remember the MC that well - I think more due to shock and sadness rather than it having happened a long time ago. I think, because I was a teenager at the time, that the doctors weren't very interested in me - they were ok, but I did feel like I'd just been 'passed-off' a bit. They called it a blighted ovum and I remember one doctor saying that sometimes the body just needs a trial run before supporting a healthy pregnancy. I thought at the time that I had done it to myself as I had smoked and got drunk a few times (I didn't realise I was pregnant) but I don't blame myself so much now.

I am sure you're fine, but it's the not knowing that sucks isn't it? MC seems to run in my family too (my aunt had one and her mother, my grandma, had several - but they both had two healthy children as well).

I guess we just have to try not to panic and be patient. But it's so rubbish waiting! At least we're not alone.

Meep. x

 

[Eline]

Reading back, I think my reply sounds a bit harsh and I apologise for that. I do understand that you're worried, as I am often worried myself.

It's just that I have a friend who panicked a lot as well even before TTC, also just based on irregular 50-day cycles. She saw a lot of doctors (and I do mean a lot) to end up with the diagnose PCOS and she was told she might not be able to conceive naturally. Then she started TTC and got pregnant the first time she tried, telling everyone it was a miracle. With her other kids there was no problem TTC either. All in all the fuss she made was very unnecessary and rather hurtful for some other friends who have actual problems TTC. Mostly doctors only speak of a problem when you've tried to conceive for over a year without result. I think I still channeled some anger with my friend in my reply to you.

 

[MellyH]

Your cycle sounds pretty regular to me! That wouldn't be any red flag to a fertility specialist.

 

[_Meep_]

Thanks Melly - that's good to hear!

Eline - it's fine. I get annoyed with myself too.

Meep. x

 

[Jaxvipe]

Your cycles sound normal to me! Especially after coming off of BC! My cycles are 28-31 days with a 12 day luteal phase. I would suggest using OPK's to find out what days you normally ovulate. I use them even tho we are not trying just so that I can keep track and when we do TTC #2 I will have a good idea of when to BD.

Good Luck!

 

[_Meep_]

Ah you guys are so reassuring! It's a great help! Your cycles sound very like mine - if you don't mind me asking, were they always a little irregular or have they just been that way since you had your baby, or came off BC or whatever? Just wondering if this is me now, or whether mine are likely to straighten out a bit in the future ... also, do you use OPKs yourself? If so, do you always get a positive? Questions, questions, but since I've never used them myself I'm really curious!

Meep. x

 

[_Meep_]

Oh ooooops ... you DO use them.

Meep. x

 

[Jaxvipe]

My cycles have always been pretty regular. But I guess I really never paid attention until we started trying to have a baby. I had gotten 1 shot of depo and that screwed my body up for 2 years and we did have trouble keeping a pregnancy due to progesterone issues. But since having my daughter my cycles are back to normal, I will be going to the Dr before we TTC in July just to ease my mind and possibly get progesterone suppositories just in case I do need them.

 

[_Meep_]

I am really not a fan of hormonal methods of contraception - I can't believe I used the pill for so long. Ever since I stopped using it, my cycle has really been confusing me and I am quite sure it is due to being hormonally controlled for so long. You hear about women not having periods for months after they come off BC and the stress and worry for them, especially if they've come off it to TTC, must be awful. I just wish my body would hurry up and sort itself out as I'm never sure whether my body is going to ovulate earlier or later in my cycle, and it makes it difficult to predict when to be extra careful.

For example, my boyfriend and I have had unprotected sex pretty much every day now for the last week. We did it the night before last and yesterday morning, then last night I noticed lots of EWCM which was a total surprise. We lay in bed talking about it, wondering whether we should just leave it alone or have another sneaky go, despite being a couple of months off our TTC date. In the end, we concluded that if I am on the verge of ovulating, chances are that there are plenty of his boys waiting around anyway, so we DTD. Would be such a shock to get pregnant so quickly, but I can't pretend we wouldn't both be happy. My fingers are preliminarily crossed!

Meep. x

 

[Jaxvipe]

That's exciting! I've known plenty of women who get of right after coming off the pill.