Terrified of SIL's possible BFP's

[Kittymommy]

So I have 3 SIL's that will probably be getting pregnant any time now and I'm terrified. And another future SIL that I know will not want to wait. I have a large family and have gone through 3 pregnancies while TTC already. I don't know how many more announcements I can fake my way through. And I don't want them to hide it from me either , so I'm just dreading things I guess.
The announcements always come on the day I start my period. Without fail!
Anyway thanks for the time.

 

[LoveCakes]

I know how you feel. I had a cousin and very close friend who both had babies just after we started trying and have recently both announced they're having their second.

The friend had originally said they were waiting and we felt we had breathing space. Apparently they changed their mind but didn't tell us when she got pregnant the next month in case it ruined our Christmas, and yes it would have. We ended up finding out cause her hubby rang mine (they are friends too). I'm so glad she didn't tell me to her face as it is genuinely good news but I burst into tears! It was the shock more than anything as we weren't expecting it. Knowing is a bit better I think.

Sorry if this isn't helpful. My advice unfortunately is accept it will happen and plan exactly what you'll say so you're not put on the spot. Also if they know about you ltttc ask them to tell you first or on your own. My mum told me about my cousin in the middle of loads of family (she doesn't understand why I'd be upset) and it was awful. I just pretended everything was ok and kept busy until I got home and lost it.

 

[zanDark]

I dreaded the BFP announcements from SILs and friends I knew were TTC! Even worse were the surprise BFP announcements from people who had made a big fuss about how horrible it was for people to bring children into this terrible world etc etc. I was happy for them, but devastated for me!

Chin up hun focus on taking care of you! Lots of baby dust

 

[Kittymommy]

I know how you feel. I had a cousin and very close friend who both had babies just after we started trying and have recently both announced they're having their second.

The friend had originally said they were waiting and we felt we had breathing space. Apparently they changed their mind but didn't tell us when she got pregnant the next month in case it ruined our Christmas, and yes it would have. We ended up finding out cause her hubby rang mine (they are friends too). I'm so glad she didn't tell me to her face as it is genuinely good news but I burst into tears! It was the shock more than anything as we weren't expecting it. Knowing is a bit better I think.

Sorry if this isn't helpful. My advice unfortunately is accept it will happen and plan exactly what you'll say so you're not put on the spot. Also if they know about you ltttc ask them to tell you first or on your own. My mum told me about my cousin in the middle of loads of family (she doesn't understand why I'd be upset) and it was awful. I just pretended everything was ok and kept busy until I got home and lost it.

The family party announcements are the worst! The planned speech is a great idea. I'll have to think of something that won't make me cry. Maybe "Congrats, excuse me I have to go home, because of a headache that just hit me ."

 

[LoveCakes]

I'm hoping (if I use it in the future, we've been to a lot of weddings recently) that if I imagine saying the words in my head and not getting upset when it happens I can just act it out.

Hmm, might have to think of a good 'out' strategy too.. in case I need to leave.

 

[PinkPeony]

I have one of those too. There's a couple that me and DH have been close friends with since high school, now they're even neighbours so we see them all the time. They know about our situation and have been absolutely horrible friends to us when it comes to showing an iota of sympathy or understanding towards us. I know they're waiting till they get out of a bit of debt and then they're going to start trying. I'm sure they'll be preg instantly. I envision it all the time when they break the news to us. I don't think it's physically possible for me to even put on a happy face for them after the callous way they've treated us.

 

[Kittymommy]

I have one of those too. There's a couple that me and DH have been close friends with since high school, now they're even neighbours so we see them all the time. They know about our situation and have been absolutely horrible friends to us when it comes to showing an iota of sympathy or understanding towards us. I know they're waiting till they get out of a bit of debt and then they're going to start trying. I'm sure they'll be preg instantly. I envision it all the time when they break the news to us. I don't think it's physically possible for me to even put on a happy face for them after the callous way they've treated us.

Ah yes those who insist on telling you when they're planning the perfect timing for their pregnancy. And the sick thing is it usually happens the way they want it. I say booo to them.

 

[PinkPeony]

I have one of those too. There's a couple that me and DH have been close friends with since high school, now they're even neighbours so we see them all the time. They know about our situation and have been absolutely horrible friends to us when it comes to showing an iota of sympathy or understanding towards us. I know they're waiting till they get out of a bit of debt and then they're going to start trying. I'm sure they'll be preg instantly. I envision it all the time when they break the news to us. I don't think it's physically possible for me to even put on a happy face for them after the callous way they've treated us.

Ah yes those who insist on telling you when they're planning the perfect timing for their pregnancy. And the sick thing is it usually happens the way they want it. I say booo to them.

Ugh exactly. It's funny you say that too bc I said something like that to her, along the lines of 'don't be so worried about planning everything out so much bc sometimes as much as you plan things don't work out like you'd expect' and she got so pissy at me as if how dare I suggest that she'd ever have MY problem. I actually think that's why she's been so cold to me. Like she wants to be clear that she's not in the same boat as me. She's one of those people who think their in competition with everyone. Like I'm not trying to compete hunny. It's pretty clear who's gonna lose.

 

[Kittymommy]

I have one of those too. There's a couple that me and DH have been close friends with since high school, now they're even neighbours so we see them all the time. They know about our situation and have been absolutely horrible friends to us when it comes to showing an iota of sympathy or understanding towards us. I know they're waiting till they get out of a bit of debt and then they're going to start trying. I'm sure they'll be preg instantly. I envision it all the time when they break the news to us. I don't think it's physically possible for me to even put on a happy face for them after the callous way they've treated us.

Ah yes those who insist on telling you when they're planning the perfect timing for their pregnancy. And the sick thing is it usually happens the way they want it. I say booo to them.

Ugh exactly. It's funny you say that too bc I said something like that to her, along the lines of 'don't be so worried about planning everything out so much bc sometimes as much as you plan things don't work out like you'd expect' and she got so pissy at me as if how dare I suggest that she'd ever have MY problem. I actually think that's why she's been so cold to me. Like she wants to be clear that she's not in the same boat as me. She's one of those people who think their in competition with everyone. Like I'm not trying to compete hunny. It's pretty clear who's gonna lose.

Plan for the worst hope for the best. That's my theme. As far as the competition, looks to me that the only competition your friend has won is the B word competition.

 

[Miama]

Hey there! Similar story here!!

My SIL had her first baby the FIRST month trying, then went on birth control for 3 years.. Then, they decided they want to try for #2... She stopped taking the BC pills, and 2 months later, she was pregnant...

Don't get me wrong.. I'm really happy for her... But, what makes me really mad is that some people take it for granted, while it seems so hard for others...

BTW, how long have you been trying ladies?

 

[Kittymommy]

Hey there! Similar story here!!

My SIL had her first baby the FIRST month trying, then went on birth control for 3 years.. Then, they decided they want to try for #2... She stopped taking the BC pills, and 2 months later, she was pregnant...

Don't get me wrong.. I'm really happy for her... But, what makes me really mad is that some people take it for granted, while it seems so hard for others...

BTW, how long have you been trying ladies?

I feel the same way . It's really hard when they say it was a surprise or not planned. Anyway we've been trying for 17 months now with no answer as to why, but we've reached the point in which we can't afford to much more testing. My insurance will not cover anything infertility and it's "good " insurance. So I'm kinda stuck at this point. Yuck !

 

[PinkPeony]

We've been trying for about 2 years now. We've done testing and 4 IUI's the last one with Clomid and Progesterone. DH has pretty bad motility and count so that's our issue. It's looking like we won't be getting anywhere unless we do IVF. Having that convo with the doc in a couple weeks.

 

[Kittymommy]

We've been trying for about 2 years now. We've done testing and 4 IUI's the last one with Clomid and Progesterone. DH has pretty bad motility and count so that's our issue. It's looking like we won't be getting anywhere unless we do IVF. Having that convo with the doc in a couple weeks.

My doc wants to put me on Clomid. Did it make you go crazy hormone wise ? I've heard scary stories and I'm worried of side effects. I hope and wish that you get your bfp soon. Good luck in your next step .

 

[PinkPeony]

Actually I barely had any side effects. I was so nervous about that too. I think you only hear the extreme reactions on the Internet. The only thing I've found is that my skin really broke out. That's pretty unpleasant but could be worse I guess. Hope it works for you!

 

[leanne001]

Both my Both my hubby's sisters are pregnant ( both not planed #yawn) and my cousins new girlfriend of 12 weeks is 6 weeks pregnant?!?! My brave happy face is worn out. We had our first appointment with gynocologist on the 21st of march only to get a letter saying they have had to change it to the 12th April. I know it's only 3weeks later but when TTC is like 3 months for us!! xxx

 

[Kittymommy]

I guess we'll all have to get really good face lifts. Then we wouldn't have to fake it.

 

[Mrs Jewksey]

I've got a friend who knows a (well, we call her a woman) woman with 2 kids in care who's just had another "accidental" pregnancy & abortion.

Some people just have all the luck.

 

[Kittymommy]

Ooooo... That boils the blood! Sometimes the most blessed people are the least grateful

 

[PinkPeony]

I have one of those too. There's a couple that me and DH have been close friends with since high school, now they're even neighbours so we see them all the time. They know about our situation and have been absolutely horrible friends to us when it comes to showing an iota of sympathy or understanding towards us. I know they're waiting till they get out of a bit of debt and then they're going to start trying. I'm sure they'll be preg instantly. I envision it all the time when they break the news to us. I don't think it's physically possible for me to even put on a happy face for them after the callous way they've treated us.

Well it happened.... We were out for dinner with them last night and they broke the news. I barely kept it together and didn't bother faking a happy face. I said congrats and all but didn't say much else. Had to sit through them saying - we only were trying for a week haha! And describing the POAS moment... It was excruciating. Excused myself and went to the washroom, just had to get away. Wouldn't you know AF is about to show today. FML.

 

[Kittymommy]

I have one of those too. There's a couple that me and DH have been close friends with since high school, now they're even neighbours so we see them all the time. They know about our situation and have been absolutely horrible friends to us when it comes to showing an iota of sympathy or understanding towards us. I know they're waiting till they get out of a bit of debt and then they're going to start trying. I'm sure they'll be preg instantly. I envision it all the time when they break the news to us. I don't think it's physically possible for me to even put on a happy face for them after the callous way they've treated us.

Well it happened.... We were out for dinner with them last night and they broke the news. I barely kept it together and didn't bother faking a happy face. I said congrats and all but didn't say much else. Had to sit through them saying - we only were trying for a week haha! And describing the POAS moment... It was excruciating. Excused myself and went to the washroom, just had to get away. Wouldn't you know AF is about to show today. FML.

Oh that's terrible I'm sorry you had to sit through that. And the POAS details are the worst! I sat through my SIL and BIL talk about how their not sure if their done having kids cause they already have the perfect 2 boys , 2 girls. I had to hold every sarcastic remark that I was thinking in.