FngrsCrossed
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Hello to all that read this, I would first like to offer my sympathy and empathy for your loss(es).
I am a mom to 4 cildren3 living and now..1 Angel (Masyn). It took me only 4 months to conceive after getting off Mirena. Dh and I were ecstatic to get a positive. We went to the Dr. and everything was going just fine. I did find out I had a cyst the size of my pregnant Uterus though. Dr. said there was no need to worry, it would eventually pop but still no cause for alarm (yea I know, not comforting). I went to my next appointments like clockwork, still no issues. We had our gender ultrasound in October, baby was backward and breech. So we never knew the sex. Dr. couldn't even measure any organs. we got to see the head, brain and a cute little leg. we were scheduled another ultrasound in November, on our anniversary. I remember thinking oh wow, what a great gift this baby is giving to us. The surprise of know the sex.
November came in and I was still doing fine. Went to families house to watch a football game and came home. Two days later (Nov. 7th), I wake up at midnight. I felt a little achy and weird. Dh says I started tossing and turning at about 10 p.m. I felt pain in my vagina, some contractions and like I was wearing a little "belt" of pain. I timed the contraction for an hour, then dh says, ok enough is enough, there comes a time when it's not about asking it's about telling you...you're going to the hospital. He rounds the sleeping kids up, and I wait outside. I was hurting so bad, standing made it worse. We got in the car, I drove, yes...I did drive. It would have felt like a long trip if Dh drove, so I drove. I was squeezing his hand with eery contraction. We got to the hospital, I got out, he left to bring the kids to my mom. I had to sit and register despite the pain.
The nurse came to get me wheeled my up to LDR. I got undressed and in bed. All this time I am thinking, make this pain stop! And this is only a UTI, I am going to be fine.
One of the nurses examined me, she says nothing, she tilts the bed to elevate my feet above my head, looks at the other nurse and leaves (I hate that). Then the other nurse asks me 2 more questions while she is typing and leaves also (I really hate that). so I am lying there hurting, waiting on dh, alone, confused, and scared as a sinner before God! The younger nurse comes bck in to finish asking me questions, I stop her and ask,"What am I dilated?" she says yes and nothing more. The older nurse comes back in and I ask her "well, how dilated am I?" She says, "8 and your bag is bulging." I began to cry, I though well maybe they can stitch me and stop these contractions. She tells me that they called my Dr. and he is on his way, he must have taken 10 minutes because he was there in no time flat. He examined me, said "You are 10 cm Danricka, your bag is bulging, do you feel like you need to push?" I told him no, (a lie) I didn't want that feeling to be the truth. He did an ultrasound and saw that baby was still breech. He said, we are going to have to do a C-section and left to get everything prepped to do so. Shortly after the news DH walks in, I tell him whats going on, and that "I can't do this." He says "you have to, you don't have a choice." He held my hand and I prayed silently and cried. More sooner than later, they came back to get me.
I was rolled into the O.R. slid on the table, rolled to my side and given a spinal. they called my husband in after I was prepped. He held my hand as we waited; waited for the best, waited for the worst or something in between. I started to vomit, despite not eating late the night before. It was everywere, my face, my hands (which werent strapped), my gown, the floor...All I could do was pray, pray silently. Talk to God, beg God...even vow. I felt a sense of peace, and I said "God, this is your will and not mine, I dedicate and give this baby back to you, live or die this baby is yours." All along I hope live was the answer. Dh was crying, they pulled the baby out and wicked it off, no cry. Nothing. Dh cried harder. I felt responsible and inadequate. The neo-natologist came in and said, baby is alive, its a boy, we are giving him help to breathe. RELIEF.
I was rolled in the bed to see him in the NICU, with Dh by my side. He weighed in at a tiny 1lb 3oz and was 12 1/2 inches long. I began to have more hope after seeing him.
We spent so much time in the NICU, praying, hoping, and standing on Faith. I have always been a prayer, but having a preemie will definitely make you pray even more. We named him Masyn Josiah. I ended up getting and infection and had my hospital stay extended. Because of our babies status and the distance from the hospital, we were allowed to room in. The NICU Dr. was one that was on call, so we had to "deal with" the regular Neonatologist. He was a piece of work, proceeded to tell me on day 5 or 6 of our babies life that "it's all downhill from here." Yes you read it right!
I was going to ask him why is that? Is it because you are giving up? Instead I said well, for you it is, but I am a mother and I believe in the power of prayer.
On the 14th of November we were visited by the LPN in NICU, she asked me if I wanted to hold my baby, I started crying and said yes. Little did I know why she was asking. Later that night she phoned the room for us to come to NICU, we went and stayed for hours. Masyn's BP was all over, my parents came in and stayed for a while. We were told that we could go and get some sleep and if anything changed we would be notified. 2 hours of sleep and then a barge in the room by a nurse. I ran to NICU with a C-section as fast as I could. We got there to see them doing CPR on our baby. I broke down, they sat me in a chair, lifted him and placed him in my arms. I kissed his face. His skin was so soft. Soft as silk. I knew he was going and there was nothing I could do about it. Not even pray. I whispered in his ear, "I love you so much, more than anything in this world, you have been such a big boy; when you didn't have to be. If you are tired of fighting, I won't keep you here. If you are ready to go be an Angel then you can go...I love you." He took his last breath in my arms. Dh held him for a few minutes also. We gave him back to the nurse. The Dr. pronounced him at 3:23 a.m. November 15...our 10th wedding anniversary.
We spent the next hour on the phone with both our parents, crying and in disbelief. Our beautiful son was cleaned up, dressed and brought to our room to spend time with us and give us a chance to say goodbye. We took pictures and admired him, we cried like we never had before. We were given a memory box; it holds his BP cuff, one of his diapers, his outfit, hospital bracelet and the precious little blanket they wrapped him in.
Besides the Dr. the rest of the staff were awesome. We got really good support from everyone. The hardest thing to do is to lose a child, so each and every one of you ladies have my deepest sympathy.
I received a footprint pendant to wear in memory of my baby, he is missed and always thought of.
I am a mom to 4 cildren3 living and now..1 Angel (Masyn). It took me only 4 months to conceive after getting off Mirena. Dh and I were ecstatic to get a positive. We went to the Dr. and everything was going just fine. I did find out I had a cyst the size of my pregnant Uterus though. Dr. said there was no need to worry, it would eventually pop but still no cause for alarm (yea I know, not comforting). I went to my next appointments like clockwork, still no issues. We had our gender ultrasound in October, baby was backward and breech. So we never knew the sex. Dr. couldn't even measure any organs. we got to see the head, brain and a cute little leg. we were scheduled another ultrasound in November, on our anniversary. I remember thinking oh wow, what a great gift this baby is giving to us. The surprise of know the sex.
November came in and I was still doing fine. Went to families house to watch a football game and came home. Two days later (Nov. 7th), I wake up at midnight. I felt a little achy and weird. Dh says I started tossing and turning at about 10 p.m. I felt pain in my vagina, some contractions and like I was wearing a little "belt" of pain. I timed the contraction for an hour, then dh says, ok enough is enough, there comes a time when it's not about asking it's about telling you...you're going to the hospital. He rounds the sleeping kids up, and I wait outside. I was hurting so bad, standing made it worse. We got in the car, I drove, yes...I did drive. It would have felt like a long trip if Dh drove, so I drove. I was squeezing his hand with eery contraction. We got to the hospital, I got out, he left to bring the kids to my mom. I had to sit and register despite the pain.
The nurse came to get me wheeled my up to LDR. I got undressed and in bed. All this time I am thinking, make this pain stop! And this is only a UTI, I am going to be fine.
One of the nurses examined me, she says nothing, she tilts the bed to elevate my feet above my head, looks at the other nurse and leaves (I hate that). Then the other nurse asks me 2 more questions while she is typing and leaves also (I really hate that). so I am lying there hurting, waiting on dh, alone, confused, and scared as a sinner before God! The younger nurse comes bck in to finish asking me questions, I stop her and ask,"What am I dilated?" she says yes and nothing more. The older nurse comes back in and I ask her "well, how dilated am I?" She says, "8 and your bag is bulging." I began to cry, I though well maybe they can stitch me and stop these contractions. She tells me that they called my Dr. and he is on his way, he must have taken 10 minutes because he was there in no time flat. He examined me, said "You are 10 cm Danricka, your bag is bulging, do you feel like you need to push?" I told him no, (a lie) I didn't want that feeling to be the truth. He did an ultrasound and saw that baby was still breech. He said, we are going to have to do a C-section and left to get everything prepped to do so. Shortly after the news DH walks in, I tell him whats going on, and that "I can't do this." He says "you have to, you don't have a choice." He held my hand and I prayed silently and cried. More sooner than later, they came back to get me. I was rolled into the O.R. slid on the table, rolled to my side and given a spinal. they called my husband in after I was prepped. He held my hand as we waited; waited for the best, waited for the worst or something in between. I started to vomit, despite not eating late the night before. It was everywere, my face, my hands (which werent strapped), my gown, the floor...All I could do was pray, pray silently. Talk to God, beg God...even vow. I felt a sense of peace, and I said "God, this is your will and not mine, I dedicate and give this baby back to you, live or die this baby is yours." All along I hope live was the answer. Dh was crying, they pulled the baby out and wicked it off, no cry. Nothing. Dh cried harder. I felt responsible and inadequate. The neo-natologist came in and said, baby is alive, its a boy, we are giving him help to breathe. RELIEF.
I was rolled in the bed to see him in the NICU, with Dh by my side. He weighed in at a tiny 1lb 3oz and was 12 1/2 inches long. I began to have more hope after seeing him.
We spent so much time in the NICU, praying, hoping, and standing on Faith. I have always been a prayer, but having a preemie will definitely make you pray even more. We named him Masyn Josiah. I ended up getting and infection and had my hospital stay extended. Because of our babies status and the distance from the hospital, we were allowed to room in. The NICU Dr. was one that was on call, so we had to "deal with" the regular Neonatologist. He was a piece of work, proceeded to tell me on day 5 or 6 of our babies life that "it's all downhill from here." Yes you read it right!
I was going to ask him why is that? Is it because you are giving up? Instead I said well, for you it is, but I am a mother and I believe in the power of prayer. On the 14th of November we were visited by the LPN in NICU, she asked me if I wanted to hold my baby, I started crying and said yes. Little did I know why she was asking. Later that night she phoned the room for us to come to NICU, we went and stayed for hours. Masyn's BP was all over, my parents came in and stayed for a while. We were told that we could go and get some sleep and if anything changed we would be notified. 2 hours of sleep and then a barge in the room by a nurse. I ran to NICU with a C-section as fast as I could. We got there to see them doing CPR on our baby. I broke down, they sat me in a chair, lifted him and placed him in my arms. I kissed his face. His skin was so soft. Soft as silk. I knew he was going and there was nothing I could do about it. Not even pray. I whispered in his ear, "I love you so much, more than anything in this world, you have been such a big boy; when you didn't have to be. If you are tired of fighting, I won't keep you here. If you are ready to go be an Angel then you can go...I love you." He took his last breath in my arms. Dh held him for a few minutes also. We gave him back to the nurse. The Dr. pronounced him at 3:23 a.m. November 15...our 10th wedding anniversary.
We spent the next hour on the phone with both our parents, crying and in disbelief. Our beautiful son was cleaned up, dressed and brought to our room to spend time with us and give us a chance to say goodbye. We took pictures and admired him, we cried like we never had before. We were given a memory box; it holds his BP cuff, one of his diapers, his outfit, hospital bracelet and the precious little blanket they wrapped him in.Besides the Dr. the rest of the staff were awesome. We got really good support from everyone. The hardest thing to do is to lose a child, so each and every one of you ladies have my deepest sympathy.
I received a footprint pendant to wear in memory of my baby, he is missed and always thought of.
But I thank you also for reading and responding. My story is extremely long I know, but it is worth it in the end. 
Just another unexplained mishap. I wish there was an answer...I mean really, knowing what happened and why has become important to me so that I avoid doing whatever it was again. Seriously, how do you avoid everything? If there is no explanation then "everything" is a possible hazard. 
He is now working nights and sleeping all day so it has gotten difficult to BD. I feel so bad at the though of waking him up for sex. 
I used to work 12 hour shifts and at night. It bites to be woken up just when you are getting so good in to sleep. And even worse if it's for sex that lasts forever...
