The hardest part of parenting

Yes it's a phase, and unfortunately I don't think it's always confined to 2 years old ;)
Having worked with toddlers, ALOT of toddlers, you learn that actually they are smarter than you realise!! Yes they are babies, but they weren't born yesterday! haha
I do agree with punishments, consequences to actions, whatever you wish to call it..time out, toys away, telling then ignoring.
I do agree that some parents can get away with gentle discipline, ignoring bad behaviour altogether or redirection before it escalates. But not all parents can, children are created differently and I've seen gentle parenting work out and age 4 their kid is brill, but I've also seen age 4 and your kid is a NIGHTMARE! You just have to realise what's right for your child.
A couple of rules I stick by are to
1-pick your battles(which it sounds like you did with the toys etc)
2-be consistent as to which battles you choose to fight and don't
3-Whilst I hear you when you say you don't want to talk too much about emotions I do really think age 2 it is a job of a parent or carer to help a child to come to understand what it is they are feeling right then...I've found it's helped with children often, especially as they come closer to age 3+ I choose something like this:
"I know you are feeling very cross because you can't have a biscuit right now and that's ok but you still have to do as Mummy says. The screaming and shouting isn't acceptable, you need to stop right now or else we are going to go and calm down over here for 2 minutes"(alot of children just can't stop yet) and for some the time out works and others it will just make them more cross and they just need to be left alone and ignored and eventually they stop and then I encourage my son to say sorry for throwing or hitting if he ever does that and then we hug it out.

You might want to make the wording more to your or your child's taste but I'm a big liker of talking to kids like adults because they really do get more than you realise.

A good idea and I find better than a chair is some kind of quiet space, like a tent with blankets on the floor to put them in, often when they get older they can take themselves in there if they feel cross or upset instead of having a tantrum.


HTH
 
Oh jeez oh. Don't beat yourself up. You did great and for sure, hungry or not, there is no way my child would be given a biscuit so close to dinner time. As others have said, pick your battles and be consistent. One thing that did work for us was not using the actual word no. If Abby asked for a biscuit before dinner I would say "you can have a biscuit after dinner, would you like xxx just now?" Never actually said "No" It was amazing what a difference that made. I found I was saying "no" an awful lot and half the time didn't realise it.

I had a strong willed 2 year old. She was strong willed at 3 and at 4. I now have a strong willed 5 year old. But she knows when mummy says "not just now" or "options are A or B" that there is no messing with me and no point even trying. We used the naughty spot and there was a time it was used frequently but then we could go for months without it even coming close. You could also use a "calm down bottle" Take a clear bottle and fill it with water and glitter. Shake it and hand it to them and it really does have a calming effect!.

Mrs PMP said:
3-Whilst I hear you when you say you don't want to talk too much about emotions I do really think age 2 it is a job of a parent or carer to help a child to come to understand what it is they are feeling right then...I've found it's helped with children often, especially as they come closer to age 3+ I choose something like this:
"I know you are feeling very cross because you can't have a biscuit right now and that's ok but you still have to do as Mummy says. The screaming and shouting isn't acceptable, you need to stop right now or else we are going to go and calm down over here for 2 minutes"(alot of children just can't stop yet) and for some the time out works and others it will just make them more cross and they just need to be left alone and ignored and eventually they stop and then I encourage my son to say sorry for throwing or hitting if he ever does that and then we hug it out.

You might want to make the wording more to your or your child's taste but I'm a big liker of talking to kids like adults because they really do get more than you realise.

I do agree with this, we also have always talked to Abby as an adult. I hate babyish explaining, words, tone of voice. (I actually heard someone say to their 4 year old - "come and put your shoosies on....). And she generally does understand. However, that sentence I've bolded would have been be far too long for Abby at 20 months. I'd have lost her attention long before I finished. In fact, I'm sure even at 5 she'd have zoned out halfway through. I tended to stick to shorter phrases which seemed to help her understand more.
 
I love the wording thank you I'm going to add the acknowledgment of how she feels. I never say 'NO YOU MAY NOT' haha there's always option it just not what she wanted to hear
Tomorrow is a new day xz
 
I love the wording thank you I'm going to add the acknowledgment of how she feels. I never say 'NO YOU MAY NOT' haha there's always option it just not what she wanted to hear
Tomorrow is a new day xz

Good luck!

I did find my days were better if my mood were better. In fact that's still the case. Dealing with her array of shit is much easier when I'm not already in a pissy mood! :haha:
 
Sounds a lot like my toddler! She is pretty feisty when she doesn't get her way. Here's a few things that I've found work. First of all I try to avoid tantrums. They usually happen when she's tired or hungry so I try to make sure she is well rested and if her blood sugar is a bit low I'll offer her a snack, usually a piece of cheese which she loves. Secondly I always try to acknowledge feelings. So I'd say to her "I know you're really disappointed that you can't have a biscuit, it's ok to be mad but I can't let you hit/throw things etc.". I'll move away from her or block her hands if she tries to hit or remove whatever object she's trying to throw. When she's calmer we'll talk about it a bit more and I'm trying to teach her ways of calming down like taking deep breaths etc. I've also found that often she has a tantrum because of the way I've worded something. If I'm a bit short with her she'll have a meltdown. If I speak to her in an understanding empathetic way then it sometimes (not always) avoids a tantrum. So instead of "No, you can't have a biscuit you'll ruin your dinner' I'd say "I'm sorry honey but I can't let you have a biscuit now because we're about to have dinner, if you're really hungry I'll get an apple for you if you like" The word "No" is sometimes enough to set her off so I try to avoid it as much as possible. I try to be on her side rather than set up a power struggle. On a good day all of this works on a bad day I find it hard to keep my cool and everything falls apart. I agree that tantrums are so far one of the hardest things to deal with.
 
I love the wording thank you I'm going to add the acknowledgment of how she feels. I never say 'NO YOU MAY NOT' haha there's always option it just not what she wanted to hear
Tomorrow is a new day xz

I think you sound like a really good mummy and I will be using some of your methods when my lo tantrums start getting worse, at the mo it's just when she wants out of her pram! Walking is her new favourite thing!
 
Every toddler is completely unique and respond to different forms of discipline. For some gentle distraction works and for some you just need to out your foot down.
DD1 would have raging tantrums at around 20 months and I tried it all! I found using preventative measures to avoid these tantrums worked well but once she was already tantrumming then I would just put her in the hall, sit her on the naughty step, explain why she was there and then I would just shut the door. She could screech it out all she wanted! She's a smart child and she cottoned on pretty quickly that ridiculous demands which ended in tantrums just didn't have any effect on the outcome. She's been a breeze since the revelation that tantrums do not equal getting her own way. Have the odd strop but its easily resolved with just an explanation.
 
Yes I totally agree it's the tantrums and cheek! My lo is 18 months and goes straight like a plank to stop himself doing things he doesn't want to do get in car seat , in his high chair! He has also started hitting me, pulling my hair and biting. I don't know why he does this but I'm hoping it's a faze. I don't really know how to dicsapline my lo at this age! I say no mummy doesn't like that but he just laughs. It's really bad when your exhausted I actually look forward to a day of work at times to relax lol xx
 

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