The "Its Not Mine" Joke

[3xpire]

Background: My fiance and I have been together for over two years, and have been living together the entire time. For the first week of October, I temporarily moved back to my hometown for a job and had my period the entire time, until the day I moved back in with my fiance. I never messed around while I was gone, nor have I ever messed around behind his back EVER. When I moved back, he proposed to me after he decided that it was finally time to make the big step, and we ended up conceiving about a week to two weeks after the proposal (by accident of course, we weren't trying). So here I am, a little over seven months pregnant. He's been so wonderful to me this entire pregnancy. Absolutely great. Going with me to my prenatal appointments and ultrasounds, talking to my belly, trying to get our baby girl to move around by tickling my tummy, talking to me about what kind of father he wants to be, what he wants to do with our daughter, everything's been so perfect. But something happened last night that kind of confused me. We were talking and I mentioned that I hope that she ends up getting his nose, and he kind of joked around that she's going to get some other guys nose, and how does he know if I wasn't messing around while I was gone back to my hometown. I kind of laughed it off because I know I had my period the entire time I was gone, and he knew that, and I had never messed around, and the dating is right on that we would have conceived about a week after I had moved back. I thought for a bit and remembered that my fiance was telling me that his mom told him to get a paternity test done because she doesn't trust me (she hasn't been supportive of us at all this entire time really), and I'm beginning to wonder if I should really worry, or if maybe I'm taking the joke too seriously?

I've never been in this situation before.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

You need to come straight out and ask him. Tell him it's been bothering you and you'd like to know what he meant by it. If he insists he was joking then let it go. But it'd bother me too.

 

[MrsTurner2012]

She's put doubts in his head! The evil MIL strikes!

Just say fine. We'll do a paternity if it puts your mind at ease.

Refusing to do one out of principle would look bad so of play into her hands and just say yeah whatever... Be blaze!

She'll soon stop pestering you when she realises I have nothing to hide x

 

[3xpire]

Yeah she's been b**ching at him about how we're having him on the birth certificate because the state will come after him to pay for all the medical expenses apparently and she's been making snotty comments about me getting state benefits to help us get on our feet. Saying that her son/my fiance will end up paying for everything in the end. I'd get the paternity test done but it costs $900 here (which is way way way way way more than we can afford at once, even if we split the cost.) I just think its stupid. She and her daughters are throwing me a baby shower and she keeps telling me what names I should choose for our girl and telling me this and that but she just talks horribly about me behind my back to others -.-

It's just too fricking MUCH. lol.

 

[Louise88]

My oh went funny when I was pregnant with our daughter, I'd never messed around so knew she was his 100% I told him if he didn't believe me he was more then welcome to have a DNA test done he didn't because the second she came out she was his double lol everyone says it aswell

 

[bumski]

dont know if this will help but you are due exactly 5 days before me and with mine being ivf i know the exact dates she was concieved,
i had my embryo put back on 22nd oct and it was 5 days old so therefore my ovulation date would have been 17th oct this being the date i would have concieved in a 'normal' cycle.
if you are due 5 days before me that means you must have concieved 12-13th october last year otherwise you would be due another week or so earlier if you concieved a week or so earlier. Hope that helps and doesnt confuse you x

 

[babyhopes2010]

bumski she said she never messed about so the baby def is his.


id be v offended even if in a jokey way dh said the baby wasnt his!

 

[bumski]

i posted it so she can show her oh as i too would be offended if my bloke said that to me even if he were joking, if it were my oh i would just like shoving proof of dates etc in his face to shut him up.
sorry if it came across the other way

 

[NewlyWedFifi]

I totally see why you're upset by those comments. Neither my DH nor any of his family would ever dare say anything like that, even if it were a joke. It's extremely distasteful. Ask him if he meant what he said and if he did tell him you'd take the paternity test if he and his bitchy mother will pay for it (you shouldn't have to pay to prove yourself when you're totally innocent). I don't know if I'd stay with my DH if he made our baby have a paternity test, he'd have to beg for my forgiveness for all eternity.

 

[3xpire]

@Bumski: I ended up moving back on the thirteenth, and I had literally gotten over my period the day before I had moved back, so I guess it could have been a possibility that I had concieved with my OH the night I moved back even. When I had oopsed on my birth control, I had started on it wrong so anything's possible according to my doctor. But yeah, I explained it to him, and he kind of shut up.

@NewlyWedFifi: About having my OH's mother pay for it, I was thinking the exact same thing. I'm not willing to spend any $900 just for it to come back saying that it's his, even if it broke down her huge ego once and for all. I wouldn't be against having a paternity test done, its just not very logical to me at all. If my OH ended up asking for one from me, I'd leave without a doubt. Anyone who couldn't trust that I would mess around, and especially with a baby, would have some serious ass kissing to do. If she wants to say anything to me when the baby comes, I'm just going to tell her that if I hear any comments regarding paternity, that she's still talking horribly about me, etc, she can say goodbye to being involved in my family. I'm just shocked that "family" actually acts like this these days....

 

[snowfia]

I'd ask him if he was serious.
My OH has joked about it. But he said straight afterwards that he didn't mean it and he knew I hadn't cheated etc.
And I definitely wouldn't be paying for a paternity test to tell me something I already knew. I'd agree to do one if she paid as well.

 

[xxlovexx]

DH has made jokes before, too...but nothing serious. After DS was born, every one said he looked just like me. NOW, (8.5 months old) random people come up to us saying to DH, "you can't deny that baby, he looks just like you." But, DH has this one friend that I HATE! (the feeling is mutual, but this friend is a true A$$hole...this guy has been trying to get DH to leave me for a year and a half all because I don't support his "habits." - the friends habits, by the way...not DH obviously lol) and he kept trying to convince DH that DS isn't his...thankfully DH knows without a doubt that DS is his. You have nothing to prove to your fiances mother, if she's doubting it so much, make her pay for the DNA test and when it does come back positive, I'd be keeping my baby away from her. I don't know how your fiances relationship is with his mother, but if he loves you, he will understand. Just my opinion though.


**sorry, didn't read the responses**

 

[3xpire]

Yeah I have a feeling once she's born that his mother's going to come into the room and make comments if she doesnt look exactly like him. I'm already very hesitant on having her around as much when she's born (she doesn't support certain things we believe in with raising her, etc) and I just don't even want to hear it from her. One thing I thought about is if I made her pay for it, and she went about as to actually paying for it, she'd lash out at me to pay her back for it. She has this habit of going out and getting things for me and OH when we dont ask, etc and she lashes out that we owe her all this money, etc.

 

[xxlovexx]

My son did not look like DH at all for at least until he was a month old...everyone said he looked like me...now, everyone says he looks exactly like DH. Chances are, no, your baby may not come out looking like your OH, or even like you. (that may not make sense lol) Tell OH mother that you'll pay her back if the test is negative! Of course, you know it's his, so no worries...although the doubt from her and possibly your OH would upset me. TRUST is the key to a relationship, and it sounds like your OH is being brainwashed by his mother and turning against you and trying to deny his child. If he loves you, he should trust you and know that you are carrying his baby. It's YOUR baby, have a serious talk with your OH, and raise your daughter how you want!

 

[ocean_dew]

if she is trying to meddle and convince her son that the baby isn't his, then what right does she have to visit baby and be involved? I feel bad that you have her putting doubts into your OH's head, it's the last thing you need right now.

x

 

[ocean_dew]

*I feel bad that SHE'S (OH's mom) putting ideas into her sons head

 

[sevenofnine]

I second asking him about it!!!

 

[snowfia]

When LO's born make excuses so she doesn't go to your house but go to hers so you can leave whenever you want to haha.

But don't listen to her. She has no right to tell you how to raise your baby. And she has no right to convince your OH that LO isn't his.

 

[amjon]

Yeah she's been b**ching at him about how we're having him on the birth certificate because the state will come after him to pay for all the medical expenses apparently and she's been making snotty comments about me getting state benefits to help us get on our feet. Saying that her son/my fiance will end up paying for everything in the end. I'd get the paternity test done but it costs $900 here (which is way way way way way more than we can afford at once, even if we split the cost.) I just think its stupid. She and her daughters are throwing me a baby shower and she keeps telling me what names I should choose for our girl and telling me this and that but she just talks horribly about me behind my back to others -.-

It's just too fricking MUCH. lol.

I saw an at home kit at Walgreens the other day and I'm sure it was no where near $900. If it's just for his sake that should be okay with him.

 

[MommyGrim]

We had a paternity test done when I had my daughter. Me and OH weren't together at the time and his parents (more specifically his father) were positive it wasn't his! So they paid for a paternity test. I told all of them I would cooperate, but that she was his. I had no doubt in my mind, so it was whatever to me. They picked up a home one, I'm not sure where exactly, and paid somewhere around $200 for it. It took about two weeks, and when it came back, of course, she's his! It was pretty annoying (and offensive) how persistent they were about the test but I felt pretty smug afterwards