The "No FOB" Thread

[Callie-xoxox]

I have half a fob lol
He is in and out and is NOT supporting her at all.
I have told him if he is going to see her he needs to help me out with money
He told me if I try to get him on child support he wont see her
Last week I filed for CS
So I Guess we will see what happens.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I remember when i was still pregnant my mom didnt want to come to a doctors appointment with me so i went alone, and my doctor asked who was going to be at the birth and i said "my mom" and he said "no baby dad?well thats his loss" but it was upset
then on the way home there was a man and his two kids and one was a little baby and he was kissing n rocking the baby saying he loves her! i was like I couldnt get off that damn bus fast enough

Yeah, I think the worst was when I was in the hospital after giving birth and I went to the kitchenette to grab some coffee and there was a young guy in the hallway all wired up telling everybody about how he had a son. His wife had just given birth shortly before that.
I just went back to my room and cried.

It really gets to me when people ask where her father is or make comments assuming he's in the picture. It's really made me quite bitter toward men.

Callie, I hope everything works out and you get CS. And hopefully he gets his head out of his ass and continues to see Lyrik.

 

[rjb]

I remember when i was still pregnant my mom didnt want to come to a doctors appointment with me so i went alone, and my doctor asked who was going to be at the birth and i said "my mom" and he said "no baby dad?well thats his loss" but it was upset
then on the way home there was a man and his two kids and one was a little baby and he was kissing n rocking the baby saying he loves her! i was like I couldnt get off that damn bus fast enough

Yeah, I think the worst was when I was in the hospital after giving birth and I went to the kitchenette to grab some coffee and there was a young guy in the hallway all wired up telling everybody about how he had a son. His wife had just given birth shortly before that.
I just went back to my room and cried.

It really gets to me when people ask where her father is or make comments assuming he's in the picture. It's really made me quite bitter toward men.

Callie, I hope everything works out and you get CS. And hopefully he gets his head out of his ass and continues to see Lyrik.

a friend of my moms was looking at baby clothes with me the other day and picked out one that said 'i love daddy.'

 

[lauram_92]

i'm going to be a single mum with no contact from the fob. i was with him for a year, he was very protective and paranoid. he made me stop talking to a couple of my friend that were boys, and stuff like that. we broke up and then i found out i was pregnant. when i told him he was like 'oh my god, what are we gunna do?' but then he started to get weird saying he was take baby to his for the weekend and stuff so he wasn't 'supervised' by me and my family when he came to visit. i explained we were not going to be supervising him, but i couldn't let my wee boy go off with him when i just didn't trust him. then one day i bled, and i thought i miscarried, my symptoms were gone and i did a negative pregnancy test. i told him, and he still said if i was pregnant he would take HIS child, when HE wanted. it really annoyed me. so much that i told him there was a chance the kid wasn't his (i was with someone three weeks after him) but i knew i would be able to tell from the scan how far along i was (if i was pregnant)..
i was going to tell him the truth anyway, but was waiting until after the scan.. it's a scary thing to do. anyway, when i seen i was nine weeks i knew that the baby was his, and he accepted it. when i was eleven weeks pregnant EVERYONE found out. and i knew it would reach his family soon, i kept asking him to tell him mum. finally, he started being so horrible to me, i texted his mum saying i was pregnant. she never replied. a few days later phoned my house phone to speak to MY MUM (not even me!) to say they wanted nothing to do with me or my baby and i am to have no contact with the father.
i know you will all probably judge me for not telling him straight away that the baby might not be his, but i was too scared. i was pretty positive baby was his, and i just didn't want to make more hassle than needed. also he wound me up that much i just wanted to hurt him back..

 

[rjb]

i'm going to be a single mum with no contact from the fob. i was with him for a year, he was very protective and paranoid. he made me stop talking to a couple of my friend that were boys, and stuff like that. we broke up and then i found out i was pregnant. when i told him he was like 'oh my god, what are we gunna do?' but then he started to get weird saying he was take baby to his for the weekend and stuff so he wasn't 'supervised' by me and my family when he came to visit. i explained we were not going to be supervising him, but i couldn't let my wee boy go off with him when i just didn't trust him. then one day i bled, and i thought i miscarried, my symptoms were gone and i did a negative pregnancy test. i told him, and he still said if i was pregnant he would take HIS child, when HE wanted. it really annoyed me. so much that i told him there was a chance the kid wasn't his (i was with someone three weeks after him) but i knew i would be able to tell from the scan how far along i was (if i was pregnant)..
i was going to tell him the truth anyway, but was waiting until after the scan.. it's a scary thing to do. anyway, when i seen i was nine weeks i knew that the baby was his, and he accepted it. when i was eleven weeks pregnant EVERYONE found out. and i knew it would reach his family soon, i kept asking him to tell him mum. finally, he started being so horrible to me, i texted his mum saying i was pregnant. she never replied. a few days later phoned my house phone to speak to MY MUM (not even me!) to say they wanted nothing to do with me or my baby and i am to have no contact with the father.
i know you will all probably judge me for not telling him straight away that the baby might not be his, but i was too scared. i was pretty positive baby was his, and i just didn't want to make more hassle than needed. also he wound me up that much i just wanted to hurt him back..

i don't judge you for it. i did the same thing, except worse, as there is no chance that it isn't..

 

[QuintinsMommy]

lauram_92
FOBs family didn't care about my pregnancy, tho I told them first. When he was born I told his sister and she said she would talk to her mom, she later told me that they won't be in his life till I get a DNA test, ( I was also with someone a few weeks after but by dates that wouldn't work) plus FOB has cleft chin and so does Q. Anyway FOB wont agree to a DNA test , because he knows if he gets one I will take him in for child support.
I don't get it. If my brothers ever got anyone pregnant, i would be there for her, and I would just get the DNA test myself if it mattered so much to me that I miss out on my relatives life. It makes me really upset that FOB and his family can pretend they don't even know Q is alive, when I struggle all the time and I gave up so much for him, and they can't be bothered

 

[QuintinsMommy]

thanks for this thread I'm letting out alot of ranting

 

[rabbitswife10]

hope i'm not imposing again here....
when i had my first DD her father was heavy into drugs and would rather play basketball than hold down a job to support his daughter.. my father was the closest thing to a "real" father as she had. until she was 4 when my dad passed away. After that she really didnt ask... when she did depending on her age, like when she was in elementary school she'd ask.. and i'd tell her "your daddy made some bad decisions".... and i stuck to that. as she got older and i had my 2nd DD she asked more about her (deadbeat) father. at that point she was 13 and i knew she could handle a little more of the truth.. so i asked her if she knew what drugs were (duh she's 13 not stupid) and she said yea (and rolled her eyes i might add.. lol) and i said her father started on drugs and got himself in trouble, and its hard for him to keep a job because of his addiction. that held her over until she was about 15 and started showing more like "him"... ugh. So i had to tell her the honest to God's truth about him. How he was violent, he has mental issues, the list goes on.
So i think it all depends on the age. I would never suggest lying to a child about where the sperm donor is, because they will resent you for that. Always be as honest as you can, never bad mouth the FOB cause that will make you look like the bad guy... and always let your LO's know how loved they are and how important they are to you.
just my 2 cents.. sorry to babble

oh and my oldest DD is the one in the strapless dress next to me (the bride) =) i was 17 when i had her and she is 16 now.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

thanks for this thread I'm letting out alot of ranting

Good, that was the point!

Laura, nobody judges you, sweetie. We all do things we aren't proud of. I've lied and told people I don't know who her father is because I'd rather them think I'm a bit of loosy goosy then admit that I was stupid enough to get into an abusive relationship with a man 10.5 years older than me.

 

[babytime1992]

No FOB for me! Honestly, this is really embaressing to write, but oh well...I actually am not sure who Jonah's dad is. I mean, I know its one of two guys, I'm just not sure which. I I was dating this guy for like 2 weeks and we did it unprotected...then I found out he lied to me and broke up with him. I'm not proud of this but I rebounded the very next day with another guy and slept with him for about a week before I cut that off. Anyways, both could potentially be the father, I really have no clue as to who it is because they were so close together.

Unfortunetly I was really honest and told them both the the truth...and they told everyone else basically. So everyone knows that I don't know who the father is, and it is so annoying to hear people talk about it and place bets and stuff. It really doesn't matter to me, they're both dead beats and won't be involved and I love my son no matter what.

It's a really sucky situation but it means that Jonahs all mine at least and I don't have to share him with either of those deadbeats

 

[QuintinsMommy]

hope i'm not imposing again here....
when i had my first DD her father was heavy into drugs and would rather play basketball than hold down a job to support his daughter.. my father was the closest thing to a "real" father as she had. until she was 4 when my dad passed away. After that she really didnt ask... when she did depending on her age, like when she was in elementary school she'd ask.. and i'd tell her "your daddy made some bad decisions".... and i stuck to that. as she got older and i had my 2nd DD she asked more about her (deadbeat) father. at that point she was 13 and i knew she could handle a little more of the truth.. so i asked her if she knew what drugs were (duh she's 13 not stupid) and she said yea (and rolled her eyes i might add.. lol) and i said her father started on drugs and got himself in trouble, and its hard for him to keep a job because of his addiction. that held her over until she was about 15 and started showing more like "him"... ugh. So i had to tell her the honest to God's truth about him. How he was violent, he has mental issues, the list goes on.
So i think it all depends on the age. I would never suggest lying to a child about where the sperm donor is, because they will resent you for that. Always be as honest as you can, never bad mouth the FOB cause that will make you look like the bad guy... and always let your LO's know how loved they are and how important they are to you.
just my 2 cents.. sorry to babble

oh and my oldest DD is the one in the strapless dress next to me (the bride) =) i was 17 when i had her and she is 16 now.

did your DD ever have drugs issues because FOB did?

No FOB for me! Honestly, this is really embaressing to write, but oh well...I actually am not sure who Jonah's dad is. I mean, I know its one of two guys, I'm just not sure which. I I was dating this guy for like 2 weeks and we did it unprotected...then I found out he lied to me and broke up with him. I'm not proud of this but I rebounded the very next day with another guy and slept with him for about a week before I cut that off. Anyways, both could potentially be the father, I really have no clue as to who it is because they were so close together.

Unfortunetly I was really honest and told them both the the truth...and they told everyone else basically. So everyone knows that I don't know who the father is, and it is so annoying to hear people talk about it and place bets and stuff. It really doesn't matter to me, they're both dead beats and won't be involved and I love my son no matter what.

It's a really sucky situation but it means that Jonahs all mine at least and I don't have to share him with either of those deadbeats

don't be embarrassed,

 

[lauram_92]

i also don't understand how people can turn their back on someone who could potentially be a relation. my baby would be fobs first child, his mums first grandchild and his sisters first nephew. they also believe i should take a paternity test if i want to claim money. i don't know if i will. i mean why would i want his money? i would rather him bother with his child. i think i feel a bit worse because i am having a boy and i don't want him to grow up doing girls stuff because he doesn't have a man in his life. a lot of people where i live are talking about me, i have been called a stupid bitch, and a lot of people have said i am wasting my life. yes i got accepted to university and declined, but becoming a mum was obviously meant to happen to me just now. i will always be a mum, and i'll have to work around it to get some sort of qualifications. i would love to have had more money etc, but i'll do my best.
and to all the fathers that have abandoned their kids, it's your loss.

 

[rabbitswife10]

hope i'm not imposing again here....
when i had my first DD her father was heavy into drugs and would rather play basketball than hold down a job to support his daughter.. my father was the closest thing to a "real" father as she had. until she was 4 when my dad passed away. After that she really didnt ask... when she did depending on her age, like when she was in elementary school she'd ask.. and i'd tell her "your daddy made some bad decisions".... and i stuck to that. as she got older and i had my 2nd DD she asked more about her (deadbeat) father. at that point she was 13 and i knew she could handle a little more of the truth.. so i asked her if she knew what drugs were (duh she's 13 not stupid) and she said yea (and rolled her eyes i might add.. lol) and i said her father started on drugs and got himself in trouble, and its hard for him to keep a job because of his addiction. that held her over until she was about 15 and started showing more like "him"... ugh. So i had to tell her the honest to God's truth about him. How he was violent, he has mental issues, the list goes on.
So i think it all depends on the age. I would never suggest lying to a child about where the sperm donor is, because they will resent you for that. Always be as honest as you can, never bad mouth the FOB cause that will make you look like the bad guy... and always let your LO's know how loved they are and how important they are to you.
just my 2 cents.. sorry to babble

oh and my oldest DD is the one in the strapless dress next to me (the bride) =) i was 17 when i had her and she is 16 now.

did your DD ever have drugs issues because FOB did?

No FOB for me! Honestly, this is really embaressing to write, but oh well...I actually am not sure who Jonah's dad is. I mean, I know its one of two guys, I'm just not sure which. I I was dating this guy for like 2 weeks and we did it unprotected...then I found out he lied to me and broke up with him. I'm not proud of this but I rebounded the very next day with another guy and slept with him for about a week before I cut that off. Anyways, both could potentially be the father, I really have no clue as to who it is because they were so close together.

Unfortunetly I was really honest and told them both the the truth...and they told everyone else basically. So everyone knows that I don't know who the father is, and it is so annoying to hear people talk about it and place bets and stuff. It really doesn't matter to me, they're both dead beats and won't be involved and I love my son no matter what.

It's a really sucky situation but it means that Jonahs all mine at least and I don't have to share him with either of those deadbeats

don't be embarrassed,

oh no thank goodness, she is a very smart girl and has no interest in even taking a drink, for that i am super proud its just his "mental" state. he is bipolar (unmedicated of course) and a few years ago she was diagnosed as well. she takes her meds and is doing very well.

 

[Brionybaby]

I'm glad you made this thread for us STM's.
FOB will not be around for Scarlett as he is basically a lying, cheating drug user, he was cheating on me when we were together with his ex and then we sort of just drifted away and he got back with his ex after i told him i was pregnant, he kept telling me he still loved me, wanted to be with me an scarlett etc but nothing ever happened, he turned up to the 12 week scan still off his head from the night before.
If i could change who Scarletts dad is i definately would because she deserves so much better.. It upsets me how he can be so selfish, he seems to think he can threaten me while i'm pregnant with his daughter.
People are saying i'm tight for not letting him have anything to do with scarlett inc scans etc but they don't know the full story and i just wish they did and knew what he was like.
Rant over, sorry girls haha xx

 

[lauram_92]

my babys dad never even asked to see a scan picture while we were still talking. he just didn't care about the little things, that really were the big things. i probably would let him see his son, as long as it was by my rules. but i would not feel comfortable with his mum seeing him. i mean she could easily have bothered with me, offered me help - even if it wasn't her grandchild. what exactly has she got to loose?

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

my babys dad never even asked to see a scan picture while we were still talking.

Mine refused to look at them until I sneak attacked him with them
I had a scan at 6 weeks and one at 12. He forced his ex to have two "a"s. One at 7 weeks & one at 11 weeks. So I honestly believe he didn't want to see them because then he'd know what he forced her to give up.

He got so angry with me when I had my early scan telling me that it was just going to make it harder for me when I "had to do what I have to do." I laughed at him and told him that having an early scan was not going to make it harder for me to raise my child, which is what I have to do.

 

[lauram_92]

all my friends were asking for pictures of the scan and he didn't even bother; i don't get it? oh and the worst thing - after i had the bleeding and thought i miscarried i told him i had a scan to check if i was pregnant (i had it on the monday but he never asked when).. on the thursday he texted me the usual like 'hey, how are you?' and we were texting for a while. then on his lunch break at work he said 'are you pregnant' or something along those lines. and i just put back 'yes' i can't remember what he said then, but i was like oh my god, what a way to ask? like it's slipped the back of his mind.. he has a new girlfriend now. and he lives with her (they have only been together a couple months) he is just so weird. i totally want to have a paternity test to be able to say **** you.
also my twelve and twenty week scans gave me the same due date. so yeah, thats pretty accurate right?

 

[rjb]

semi-bump

 

[Callie-xoxox]

So fob today told me Lyrik is not his and he wont pay CS till I get a DNA test done!
Well does he have another thing coming!

I filled for CS and there will be a letter in his mail in about a week saying he needs to pay me or he has to go to court!!!!!
He is soo silly. I would rather Lyrik have no dad then her know the dad she does have.
He is a drug user and heavy drinker.

When we lost our first baby he blamed me
and said god took our baby to prove to me I would be a bad mother.

Have no clue when i stayed with him
But I am so glad we are not together.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

So fob today told me Lyrik is not his and he wont pay CS till I get a DNA test done!
Well does he have another thing coming!

I filled for CS and there will be a letter in his mail in about a week saying he needs to pay me or he has to go to court!!!!!
He is soo silly. I would rather Lyrik have no dad then her know the dad she does have.
He is a drug user and heavy drinker.

When we lost our first baby he blamed me
and said god took our baby to prove to me I would be a bad mother.

Have no clue when i stayed with him
But I am so glad we are not together.

That's horrible! I'd have made him eat the ground he stood on if it were me!
We all do things we can't explain. I was with FOB for almost a year and after the first couple months he became abusive. Even after I found out I was pregnant, while he was yelling at me and making life unbearable, I stayed with him. I kept trying to "fix" him and make him be a good father. But when I hit 14 weeks and could no longer have an "a" he told me he could still "fix the problem" by throwing me down stairs, slipping things into my tea, etc. Then we got in a huge fight because of this and he told me how if I wouldn't part with "the problem" than I'd fall with it. I asked if that was a death threat and he said, "One might say that."
That's when I cut ties. He threatened to kill my daughter and me, that was enough.

And does anybody else get slightly annoyed at the cookie-cutter families? I mean that literally. I was looking at the cookie cutters in the store today and they had Christmas ones out already! shock I noticed there were almost none of just one parent and a child. (Except your religious ones) I'm half tempted to buy it anyway and just break the daddy off. Or I could just cut him out while the dough's still soft.