~. The psychosis thread .~

[hellohefalump]

Thought I'd start a thread for anyone suffering with schizophrenia, schizoaffective, puerpal psychosis, psychotic depression, psychotic bipolar or anything else involving psychosis that I haven't thought of.

I'll start, my name is Helena and I am schizoaffective. I've had depression since I was twelve, and the schizo bit started when I was pregnant with my son. At the time they called it puerpal psychosis, but now three years on I still get it and its called schizoaffective disorder.

It's getting worse with each episode, I've just come up of hospital after a particularly bad episode where the devil came to me and told me to take an overdose or he'd start the apocalypse. I took the overdose and ended up in the hospital.

I'm now on so many meds I rattle.... Duloxetine 60mg, aripiprazole 25mg, quetiapine 400 mg + whenever I need it for my anxiety, which is about four times a day 50mg each.

Even if no one else answers this, which means im lonely I will keep this thread going by myself as a log, and a tool for others who haven't 'come out' yet.

 

[GenYsuperlady]

Fellow BDFer/underwater basketweaver? This is JenB...

 

[hellohefalump]

Jen b!!!! Hiya!!!!

 

[GenYsuperlady]

Did you get postpartum depression? Or psychosis? My first little baby girl arrived 4 weeks ago and I'm battling postpartum depression. Would love to hear someone else's experience!

 

[hellohefalump]

I had both Jen. I was only really treated for the psychosis though. My depression made me feel like such a crap mum that I enrolled mojo at the childminders full time for a year! I loved him, but I wanted a better life for him, so I enrolled on a course so he could be at the childminders and not be with me.

It sounds ridiculous now, of course I could have looked after him. Maybe I wasn't a great mum, but I was adequate-good I can see that now.

Congrats on your new baby!

 

[GenYsuperlady]

I've thought of going back to work early for similar reasons!
The depression/anxiety is hard to face at such a crap time but I'm getting good treatment and its starting to help. I'm so in love with the little bundle! I am hopeful
Sorry to hijack your thread...PM or FB me anytime

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm glad you're getting help, meds can do wonders if you work with them. Hopefully your pnd will pass soon and you can start enjoying your little baby. Please don't go back to work too soon, I was miserable the whole time and it made me feel like an even worse mum, if that was possible because I was missing all his milestones. Crawling, rolling, smiling.... The lot. I wish I'd had help for the depression like you are, for some reason the professionals tend to take psychosis a lot more seriously than depression.... But for someone suffering from them both, they're both as bad as each other

 

[hellohefalump]

Omg Xmas stressing me out. I have anxiety at the best of times ....

 

[GenYsuperlady]

Vent away - what's been going on?
I spent so long dreading Christmas Eve (moms bday) and Christmas. I am just sooooooo glad it's over and mom FINALLY leaving today.

Spill your guts, lady.

 

[kmh2012]

im a bpd sufferer, i have psychotic episodes. Im currently in hospital and have been in continuously for 18 months. on and off for 3.5 years. my DS is 3.5 years old. ive been ill since age 9 though. I am due for discharge on 3rd january and am terrified. I dont think i can cope at home but i cant tell my family as they are so looking forward to me coming home.

 

[hellohefalump]

Kmh... Wow good luck for coming it of hospital. I've just been let out but I was only in for two weeks... When I came Out i Felt so overwhelmed, I couldn't be left on my own because of the anxiety. It didn't help that I was still hearing stuff that wasn't real. My advice is to take thIngs very very slowly- baby steps. Have you got much help from people outside? I have a very supportive oh, and the crisis team were still seeing me for two weeks which helped. Are you happy with the meds you're on? Do they help? The big world is very scary, you have to get used to it very slowly. I still can't be on my own for more than half an hour even though the voices have stopped and I've been out for a month now. Oh is going out later and I'm bricking it, even though my step daughter who is 18 will be helping me with the kids.

Jen... It's just all the expectation of being happy at Xmas. It turned out ok in the end, my sister, brother And sister in law did the cooking which was great and I loved seeing the kids all opening their presents I got them. I had a massive fight with my sister two days before Christmas. I totally blew it out of proportion, and it was because of my illness. I forget things and get confused. Pete went out and said shed be back in 20 minutes, but I didn't remember that and I got really anxious and I thought she hadn't said a time. So I was getting anxious because she's only fifteen and it was 9.30 in the evening. S when she came in I had a go at her fr not answering her phone and she started yelling at me.... I ended up sobbing for hours.

 

[kmh2012]

ive spoken to my parents and told them how i really feel. i am going back to the hospital today. 4 days early xx

 

[hellohefalump]

Wishing you the best of luck xx

 

[GenYsuperlady]

KMH - your self-awareness is amazing! Great job asking for help.

H - I totally get the pressure to be happy at the holidays....you have to be 'on.' I'm glad it wasn't too bad and hope your sister and you have moved on.

At least it's a full year until it comes around again!

 

[topsy]

Hi,

I have had depression and anxiety for 13 ish years, I had my LO almost 11 months ago and got diagnosed with PND within 2 weeks of his birth and put on anti depresents, it got worse and worse until about 12 weeks ago I got dignoised with PND with psychosis episodes and social anxiety disorder ended up in a mother and baby unit for about 8 week, i have been out for 3 weeks. I find it incredibly hard and can only handle 30-40 mins on my own

I am on quetiapine 300mg (just upped) venlafaxine 300mg, zopiclone, 7.5mg and lorazepam.

My voices calmed down, but I don't know if its the stress of xmas or wht they have come back, and they are now what they call command voices. I am still under the crisis team, they bring my meds weekly and come in every other day. they think I have been dissociation, as a few night ago I had all my tablets in my hand and was standing in the spare room about to take them when LO woke up, it was scary for DH i dont remember doing it. apparently I have "zoned out" a few time and DH cant get though to me we didnt know what that was called before now.

I hope you girls 2013 has got off to an okish start xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Topsy

The first few weeks out of the hospital are really hard.... I took it in baby steps, I still cant be left alone for very long, but it's getting better now.

Regarding safety, my husband keeps my meds in a locked box, could yours do something similar?

Command voices aren't nice, they're what ended me up in hospital cos they told me to overdose to save the world, so I did.

Me... I'm doing better, my meds are keeping me stable ATM. Do any of you girls suffer from 'poverty of thought'? It's when your mind is blank and there are no thoughts at all and you're feeling very confused. I get it a lot.

 

[topsy]

Managed to double post sorry xxx

 

[topsy]

Hellohefalump- yep Hubby now keeps tablets in a locked box and leaves my morning meds out on a glass on the worktop and 4 lorazapam to help get me through the day.

Its incredibly hard coming out of the unit, although i wanted to come home its been so much harder than I thought it would be. Just keeping on top of the general running of the household, I just cant do it mum takes most of our washing, I try to cook tea but had a mental blank on how to cook lasange the other day, hubby had to go through it step by step, my memory is shot, i have done really silly things, like couldn't work the shower the other day, hubby had to show me we have had that shower over a year. i was trying to turn the hoover on with the light switch

I am glad your meds are keeping you stable at the mo, it seem hard sometimes to get the right compernation, or so I have heard. Its good that you can manage longer periods of time on your own too thats great to hear as I think I am always going to be like this

I don't think I get the "poverty of thought" hun.

is there anything that works for anyone to calm down voices? The CT suggested reading out loud, and I think it helped a little, also they suggested music, but that didn't help at all for me.

taking the day hour by hour today. I have someone coming from SS home-care team that are coming for 2 hours to give my parents a break this afternoon. I find it hard with new people, explained it all again. I often get upset remembering how I was, not that I really remember it, but telling people how I was told how I was-Hope that makes sense?

xxxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I thought I'd stop today.. I'm so grumpy!

I found listening to music loudly sometimes worked... Sometimes I thought I heard voices coming from the music! I think the only real thing that's got rid of the voices is taking my meds consistently, which is something I struggle to do on my own (I forget... I think they're spiked... I think they are evil...) and my husband has been great about being in charge of them. Find if I miss a dose then I start to believe that I shouldn't take them and it spirals out of control until I'm not taking them at all and everything comes back.

I'm on quetiapine 400mg at night and as and when during the day as PRN usually about 250mg thrughout the day. Then I'm on duloxetine 60mg, and aripiprazole 25mg in the morning, plus half a zopiclone at night to help me sleep.

I'm also drinking a bit... Which I've been told not to but it calms me down at night. I'm drinking about two shots a night, which sounds bad but I was drinking much more than that so I'm cutting down.

I see what you mean about remembering/being told how I was... It's embarrassing! I'm also constantly aware that other people don't take me seriously because I've been Ill.

 

[topsy]

Sorry you are grumpy, hope you feel a little better today hun. i struggled yesterday too. HUGS

I have had my voices saying the my meds are making me worse, so I have stopped taking them, so I can sympathize sweets. hubby also gives me my meds, as I have taken the wrong ones at the wrong time, or stopped taking them, and taken to many. i hate the voices controlling me, its so hard.

I will try the loud music hun, Thank you.

Well done for cutting down on the drinking hun, that must be hard. I have had a couple of glasses of wine and it dosent make any difference to my sleep. if i can get my sleep right my voices dull down.

have you been on the quitepen long hun? I have been on it about 8 weeks and they have just upped it. I also take zopocloine, but I am not sure about your other meds, I am not very good at remembering med names-they are all so confusing!

I never think people take me seriously. before i went in hospital I didn't recognize hubby at one point and thought he was evil, I was throwing water at hime to keep him away from me, we have all water marks on the bedroom wall

xxxx