~. The psychosis thread .~

[hellohefalump]

Oh sweetheart, you have GOT to tell those voices they are NOT real and you will not do as they say. Otherwise you are going to end up in hospital again. No matter what those voices say, your meds are your true friend. The voices are merely created by some dodgy chemicals in your brain that the meds are going to fix. I know that's not easy to hear, but it's the truth. Do you want to go to hospital?

I feel really hypocritical saying all this, but it's funny I can see it when it's someone else, just not when it's me.

I've been known to wander off too, so I know what that's Iike, it's like you have an overwhelming urge to get but and just.... Walk. But it's dangerous, and in your pjs?! I'm not having a go at you, I now none of this is your fault but I'm seriously worried your psychosis is getting out of control and you're going to end up In hospital if you can't take control with your rational mind.

*hugs*. I'm not having a go at you so I hope you don't take it that way.

 

[topsy]

Oh sweets no I know you arnt having a go Thanks for replying seeing it written and I still cant get my head round it all.

NO no way do I want to go back to hospital, It makes sense what you are saying, it weird because my voice are (almost) always worse at night, yet they don't like the venaflaxtine, the anti depressant I take in the morning, that's when they say things, but when I take my night meds they arnt bothered i don't get it.

I have taken all my meds today ( I missed yesterdays am one), and took to much qutipen the day before.

I hope to get through to the abit team tomorrow. hubbys locked up for tonight xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Keep on fighting topsy! Hugs xx

I'm going out for a meal tonight, which freaks me out a bit. Its an all you can eat buffet. Now I used to ave an eating disorder, anorexia for years, and bulimia for even longer. Nowadays the only time I throw up is in restaurants if be eaten too much. It doesn't bother me, it's once in a blue moon we go to a restaurant so I don't see it as TOO bad. Tonight though I'm gong to struggle because of my lip piercing, I really don't want to throw up tonight. So I'm going to try really hard not to eat too much so I don't feel too full so I have to throw up. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it's so ingrained for me now, I've had bulimia really badly from the ages of 14-21, then on and off for the rest of the time, I'm 27 now.

 

[topsy]

I am plodding along meds have been upped, had a better day today.

How did your meal go my lovely, I hope it wasn't to stressful for you? It must be so hard hun, I really hope you managed to have a good time.

xxx

 

[topsy]

I am going round a friends for the afternoon with LO.She is a LO a bit younger, we thought it would be nice for them to play together. This is the first time I have been out without hubby or my parents since wayyyyyyyyy before i went into hospital. Dad is taking me after lunch and hubby picking me up just before 5pm. i am soooo nervous. Have all my tablets with me and numbers. So think I am prepared as can be.

xxxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Good luck topsy, it's a major step! I hope you're ok .

I did alright at the meal in the end, I didn't overheat so I didn't make myself sick. I did get very very drunk though afterwards but I was alright.

 

[topsy]

It went to but was glad to see DH.

Glad you survived meal, hope you didnt feel to rough the next day with the drinking.

They say not to drink on my meds, and I don't, think i have had 1 glass of wine at xmas, do you find you can drink less and feel the effects? My friend has a hen party coming up in Aug, so a while away-but they all drink, so I just wondered what would happen if I did drink a few glasses of wine. But I may not even go, will see.

voices about tonight, am really tired so hope to take sleeping tablet in a bit and zonk out.

Hope you are doing ok?

xxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I've been told not to drink... But I do and I'm fine. I have a couple of shots every evening, I don't get drunk, well not often, but I feel it calms my nerves and makes me feel better, it's self medicating really. it makes me feel like a normal person, which is such a relief because im a 'sick person' for 95% of the time and its hard going. I'm going to stop EVERYTHING on 13th of feb though, because I'm having my tummy op on 13th march and I want my body to get the best chance of healing afterwards. If I don't, feel free to flame me!

My voices were there today, I kept hearing my children crying out 'help me' but they weren't even here, they were out with their dad. It's crappy, but it's not as bad as it used to be because I can be rational about it. I know the kids aren't in the house, I can even check they're not. So it's definitely in my head and nothing to worry about.

 

[hellohefalump]

Oh, and good news, I have cut back my smoking to two a day, and with my electronic cigarette I've gone down a level to the one with less nicotine in it.

 

[topsy]

I know what you mean about feeling like a normal person-I just want to have a life like everyone else.

Glad you have date for op hope you do ok coming of all your meds hun.

Hope your voices are better, I often think I hear LO cry and he isnt

Well done on the cigarettes.

My voices have been up and down. have social worker coming out in a bit to update my care plan.

xxx

 

[topsy]

Not having a good day, I keep thinking I see someone watching me xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Hugs... I have a protective hat. I call it my magic hat. I know it's not real, but I feel so much more 'protected' when I wear my hat. I have glue gunned crystal healing stones onto it that a friend gave me.

 

[topsy]

I have had extra meds to day to keep me upright. Aw sweet friend gave you crystals.

Have taken night meds but I am really fidgety.

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm hearing things today... Mostly the door bell! Aghghgh

Alright otherwise, I know it's not real, it's just pissing me off! Listening to music helps...

 

[hellohefalump]

Well I thought I could do Without my meds last night.... Big mistake, went to bed at 10, didn't go to sleep and was tossing and turning, really uncomfortable till 3 am. Then I had awful dreams and kept waking up. I usually take 400mg quetiapine at night and half a zopiclone, I thought it was causing the bad dreams I've been having recently, but actually last night was much much worse and I will definitely be taking them to tonight.

Today we went to visit a friends 6 week old baby, and while it was lovely I am now so exhausted after watching mojo every second trying to stop him throwing things and being rough with the baby, he was actually quite well behaved today too, I haven't got much to complain about really but it was still exhausting. When they left I just sank into the sofa.

 

[hellohefalump]

I feel really funny tonight, on edge. Just had my meds hopefully they'll kick in soon

 

[hellohefalump]

I think the telly might be trying to tell me something there's a lot of coincidences on the telly tonight.

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm picking up radio waves which has made the phones stop working in my house

 

[Tilliepink]

trust me none of that is happening. Try to relax maybe read?

 

[hellohefalump]

Thanks tilliepink, I'm ok now... Its an evening thing. I think I need to start taking my quetiapine during the day again. I stopped a couple weeks ago because I felt better and they are only PRN and I wasn't needing them, I think now I do though because I'm going a bit funny in the evenings.