The Talk. .

[alicecooper]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

 

[JASMAK]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

That's actually a good point.

Spoiler

It's not something I really want to be saying on the public forum but I first learned about sex about age 5/6 from someone older than me who only told me what it was and that 'mummies and daddies' did it to make babies. Of course the first thing I did was tried it out with my friends. If I was told my parents could do it and not me, I instantly wanted to do it. Same as I picked up an old cigarette stump age 3/4 and tried to smoke it, or snuck into the alcohol cupboard age 7 and had a swig. Because I knew what it was, and I knew I shouldn't do it, I wanted to. I think most kids are the same that way.
Might be different if they're learning it from their parents. Well I don't know. I just know I saw the world a bit differently after finding out about it, if that makes sense. I don't want Lucas learning about it too young.

 

[aimee-lou]

way i see it....

if my sons ask a question they get the correct answer. i agree that 5 is a bit young to be talking logistics as such, but if the questions went that way I'd answer them. i expect that by 8/9 they'll need or want to know- think we had sex ed at 10 but sure it's earlier nowadays. i wouldn't be happy with my boys finding out entirely through school like i did so I'll probably pre empt a bit. also, school and books don't cover the emotional side which is to me just as, if not more , important to understand. my 3, i hope will understand the full set of consequences.

 

[SerenityNow]

IME you can't both wait until they are 8/9 years old and honestly answer questions when they ask you because they ask the questions at 3/4/5 years old and by the time they are 8/9/10 the last thing they want to do is talk to their parents about sex. By 8 or 9 they will have pieced a lot of it together (accurately or not) and will be well aware that the subject is taboo.

I say this as someone who waited until my eldest was 10 and my younger one was 7 before I went further than there are mommy cells and daddy cells and when they come together it makes a baby. They would have rather had dental work than have that conversation, but it had to be done. I couldn't in good conscience let other 8/9/10 year olds be my DDs main source of information which is basically what will happen if you wait that long. With my youngest child I will be answering his questions-- in an age appropriate way, but not leaving out that the penis and vagina fit together-- when he asks them.

 

[SerenityNow]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

Here's the big difference-- children emulate what they SEE. They don't SEE their parents having sex. They don't emulate what is told to them as information. I have given my children all sorts of information about the natural world and they have never expressed any interest in photosynthesizing or revolving around the sun or even making more special germ eating cells to fight their illnesses.

I honestly think that is an absolutely absurd argument.

 

[alicecooper]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

Here's the big difference-- children emulate what they SEE. They don't SEE their parents having sex. They don't emulate what is told to them as information. I have given my children all sorts of information about the natural world and they have never expressed any interest in photosynthesizing or revolving around the sun or even making more special germ eating cells to fight their illnesses.

I honestly think that is an absolutely absurd argument.

You can think it's an absurd argument all you like. We shall agree to disagree.

 

[alicecooper]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.

Yes I'm serious. Last summer I had to deal with 2 six year olds in my house (not my own children - neighbours kids) pulling down their pants and lying on top of each other, whilst the girl shouted "I'm said sex, I'm having sex".

They were playing upstairs at the time. They were MEANT to be playing board games! We were downstairs. My 8 year old daughter and her 8 year old friend, who were also upstairs at the time told me about it. I then had to go and speak to their parents about it.

Not a position I wanted to be put in at all.

This is what happens when kids learn about things that are too mature for them to deal with.

(Bizarrely it didn't lead to any of my kids asking any questions about sex...which was odd but there we go).

 

[RachA]

I'm agreeing with Alice here. I advocate being honest but I also think you need to work out exactly what a child needs to know. My son has been me changing my pad so we have talked about why I'm bleeding (the answer being that it means I am able to have babies, he was about 4 when he asked so I didn't think he needed to know about the whole I'm not pregnant therefore the lining of my womb is *can't think what the word is* lol) At that stage I didn't believe he needed to know about where a penis goes etc. to me a 5year old has no need to know that.

I find it interesting that over the years the age for sex ed at school has lowered and the openness in general between parents and children has increased and yet we are seeing children having sexual experiences at younger and younger ages, underage sex hadn't gone down and neither has teen pregnancies. Something doesn't add up to me.

 

[JASMAK]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.

Yes I'm serious. Last summer I had to deal with 2 six year olds in my house (not my own children - neighbours kids) pulling down their pants and lying on top of each other, whilst the girl shouted "I'm said sex, I'm having sex".

They were playing upstairs at the time. They were MEANT to be playing board games! We were downstairs. My 8 year old daughter and her 8 year old friend, who were also upstairs at the time told me about it. I then had to go and speak to their parents about it.

Not a position I wanted to be put in at all.

This is what happens when kids learn about things that are too mature for them to deal with.

(Bizarrely it didn't lead to any of my kids asking any questions about sex...which was odd but there we go).

That is actually a sign of sexual abuse, not education of body parts. (Or serious lack of education) There is a big difference. Plus, it is NORMAL for children to be curious of body parts. My children also know that their privates are theirs and for no one else to touch. They also know that it is not appropriate to touch others. I am sorry you feel that way about your children. But, if you don't think they can handle it, thats for you to decide. My kids are mature and at 10 and almost 9, they are able to understand the basics and understand so as not to run off and screw their friends.

 

[JASMAK]

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-education/CC00076

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/05/07/at-what-age-should-sex-education-begin

"The good news is that there may be some really significant rewards to having “the talk” (or many talks) with your children – and earlier rather than later seems to be best. For example, children whose parents discuss sex with them are more likely to use contraception when they decide to have sex later.1 And – importantly –no data suggest that talking with kids about sex makes them want to go out and “do it” (the thing is, they usually already want to!). Let us repeat: Sex education does not increase sexual activity.2" https://www.scienceofrelationships....lementary-aged-kids-your-questions-answe.html

https://www.sieccan.org/pdf/she_q&a_3rd.pdf

 

[JASMAK]

And teen pregnancy is on decline, at least where I live....where we teach sex education
https://m.sexualityandu.ca/?ref=htt...tics1/statistics-on-canadian-teen-pregnancies

 

[aimee-lou]

I agree with Alice - there's a difference between knowing about body parts and functions and knowing about sex as an act. I don't think it's the place for children to know about these things until they are able to comprehend all facets, not just the physical.

Personally, I'm not saying I'll wait until 9 and then sit them down at the dinner table. I know that's not how it works. However, I'm certainly not going to give my little boy information he has no need for or true understanding of.

The reason I feel this way is because at 8 I was given a 'talk' at school about periods. I was too young to really understand the full concept and spent the next 3 years frightened to death that one day I would start to bleed and it wouldn't stop. It wasn't until a friend started her period, and she came back to school (I was at boarding school) that this myth was dispelled.

My parents never actively talked to me about anything (until I was 16, lost my virginity in a not-so-nice way and was threatened with physical violence by my step-dad if I ever repeated it).

If my boys have questions I answer them, but I can't see a value for talking about where things go and why until they are at least a couple of years older (in age, physical development and emotionally) and able to absorb the information properly.

 

[Joss_Taylor]

My parents never had 'the talk' with me. And I had an older half sister but she knew our Dad would kill her if she told me. My Mum made my grandmother read me a picture book about it when I was 11. I was very sheltered and horrified when she told me. On the flip side, the act itself scared me, I waited until I was 17. I told myself that something like that was only gonna happen with one boy, when I was 11 because I couldn't imagine anyone seeing that much of me. Sure enough, my high school sweet heart and I have been together four and a half years, I kept my promise.

I'm so happy I don't have to deal with that talk for a long time but I hope our children are sheltered and decide to save it for the one person they want to spend there life with.

 

[alicecooper]

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.

What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.

Yes I'm serious. Last summer I had to deal with 2 six year olds in my house (not my own children - neighbours kids) pulling down their pants and lying on top of each other, whilst the girl shouted "I'm said sex, I'm having sex".

They were playing upstairs at the time. They were MEANT to be playing board games! We were downstairs. My 8 year old daughter and her 8 year old friend, who were also upstairs at the time told me about it. I then had to go and speak to their parents about it.

Not a position I wanted to be put in at all.

This is what happens when kids learn about things that are too mature for them to deal with.

(Bizarrely it didn't lead to any of my kids asking any questions about sex...which was odd but there we go).

That is actually a sign of sexual abuse, not education of body parts. (Or serious lack of education) There is a big difference. Plus, it is NORMAL for children to be curious of body parts. My children also know that their privates are theirs and for no one else to touch. They also know that it is not appropriate to touch others. I am sorry you feel that way about your children. But, if you don't think they can handle it, thats for you to decide. My kids are mature and at 10 and almost 9, they are able to understand the basics and understand so as not to run off and screw their friends.

big difference between 9 and 10 than there is to 5. I never said a 10 year old couldn't handle it. I also didn't bring my own children into it. It's not MY children which were simulating sex.