.THiNGS that are on my MiND.

[tatsNflowers]

WARNING: SOME OF THESE ARE KINDA FUCKED UP!

CAN I HAVE A CHILD?
i've been off BC since april 2012.
been BD-ing quite regularly without a condom since.
haven't really been trying but you think it would have happened by now.
i've had 31-37 day cycles since my OH died.
i don't know if i'm ovulating.
this is my first cycle truely ttc with my new man.
now that i'm finally ready and he thinks i am. and he is. lol

I'M ADOPTED.
i don't know my family history.
i don't know about any medical issues or anything.
it was closed so i doubt i'll be able to find them.
the first step would be talking to my parents which is a no go.

I WAS BORN PREMATURE.
and with a heart defect.
supraventricular tachycardia arrhythmia.
hole in the heart.
i had an oblation when i was 4 and open heart surgery when i was 6.
suffered a lot until then.
what if my child has problems like i did?

WHAT IF I'M NOT A GOOD MOTHER?
i refuse to hold newborns because of their heads.
it scares me.
how am i going to be with my own child?
i can handle babies when they can hold their head up. lol

WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE MY CHILD?
what if i feel like my child should be half of my dead OH and not my new love?
what if i don't love it like i should?

MY LIFE ISN'T HOW IT WAS.
i don't feel pure happiness like i did with my dead OH.
i should be happy.
i have a great life right now.
he's always on my mind.
i'm not going to go into detail bc it's like a whole different thread.

JOB.
stupid job.
my dad asks about if i have one every time i see him.
he needs to JUST STOP.
my new love's mother is even hounding me about it now.
just give me time! i need time. please.

i just wish people could see through my eyes. feel what i feel. know what i know. then i wouldn't have to explain myself. seems like everything i do is a waste. i don't know what to do.

 

[Ariannda]

Honestly, what it sounds like you need is some therapy. I feel like you're not over the death of your husband, and until you can be you wont be complete. No one else can complete you, you have to be mostly complete and ok on your own.

As far as the rest of it goes, im from a closed adoption as well. No medical history, not a problem with any of my kids.

I would suspect your heart defect isn't genetic, and if it is, thats ok too because they can and will take care of this much earlier now than they did when you were little, and it'll be ok

Start holding babies ! Practice makes perfect although you will have no choice once you're at home alone and on your own. I know everyone stresses about newborns heads but it's really simple, just keep an arm or a hand on it so it's not all floppy, it's not gonna break off but they have no muscle tone of course and need to be stabilized.

Everyone has concerns and fears. Kudos to you for being able to verbalize them ! You can't address a single problem until you can identify it ! Now start working on them

As far as the job goes, do you have to have a job to live financially ? If so then figure out what works for you, if not well thats no ones business !

As far as TTC goes, just because you have sex doesn't mean you'll get pregnant. Sometimes it's that easy, most of the time its not

 

[tatsNflowers]

Honestly, what it sounds like you need is some therapy. I feel like you're not over the death of your husband, and until you can be you wont be complete. No one else can complete you, you have to be mostly complete and ok on your own.

As far as the rest of it goes, im from a closed adoption as well. No medical history, not a problem with any of my kids.

I would suspect your heart defect isn't genetic, and if it is, thats ok too because they can and will take care of this much earlier now than they did when you were little, and it'll be ok

Start holding babies ! Practice makes perfect although you will have no choice once you're at home alone and on your own. I know everyone stresses about newborns heads but it's really simple, just keep an arm or a hand on it so it's not all floppy, it's not gonna break off but they have no muscle tone of course and need to be stabilized.

Everyone has concerns and fears. Kudos to you for being able to verbalize them ! You can't address a single problem until you can identify it ! Now start working on them

As far as the job goes, do you have to have a job to live financially ? If so then figure out what works for you, if not well thats no ones business !

As far as TTC goes, just because you have sex doesn't mean you'll get pregnant. Sometimes it's that easy, most of the time its not

lol actually he was my husband's cousin. my true other half. my soulmate. and i know i'll never find anyone like him. he was such and interesting person. the most unique, crazy guy i ever met. completely amazing.

there's no babies for me to hold! i'm not friends with anyone that i know has a newborn.

my job would just be for extra money. my love and i are fantasic financially. he has a good job.

and as for being adopted. i think my mother was a crack whore that worked the corner. lol i really have no idea but the way i act (wild and not ladylike at all. pretty much like a man...) i wouldn't doubt it.

i do need therapy but i'm in a part of the state that has NOTHING. just an oil boom town. which means the cost of living is sooo high! it's crazy for oklahoma. plus there's so much wrong with my life that i wouldn't even know where to start! seriously. i just don't know. i'm also afraid that they'll try to put me on meds. that's no bueno for ttc. =/

 

[Cestamy83]

I gotta tell you, this is the most refreshing thread I've seen in awhile! lol

Let it out sister.


We all have issues, have NO doubt about it. You are not alone with that. Everyone worries about one aspect or another before they try to conceive. Will I be a good mother? Will everything work out ok? etc. But, I am a true believer in: You need to know whats going on with you before you start to bringing someone else into the equation. That goes for finding a partner, getting a dog OR making a baby.

I am familiar with the US health care system and it sickens me. You clearly need someone to speak to and that is not available. That is a disgrace.... But, I digress, that's another story all together! But like Ariannda says, you've verbalized your fears. Good on you. Why does your father keep asking you if you have a job? Why does it matter if you are already financially stable? You have been off BC since April 2012? I've heard it can take a year for your body to return to normal. It can take couples a year of TTC and that's not including coming off BC.

 

[tatsNflowers]

I gotta tell you, this is the most refreshing thread I've seen in awhile! lol

Let it out sister.


We all have issues, have NO doubt about it. You are not alone with that. Everyone worries about one aspect or another before they try to conceive. Will I be a good mother? Will everything work out ok? etc. But, I am a true believer in: You need to know whats going on with you before you start to bringing someone else into the equation. That goes for finding a partner, getting a dog OR making a baby.

I am familiar with the US health care system and it sickens me. You clearly need someone to speak to and that is not available. That is a disgrace.... But, I digress, that's another story all together! But like Ariannda says, you've verbalized your fears. Good on you. Why does your father keep asking you if you have a job? Why does it matter if you are already financially stable? You have been off BC since April 2012? I've heard it can take a year for your body to return to normal. It can take couples a year of TTC and that's not including coming off BC.

i believe if you have something to say, then say it! if you need to talk about it let it out. lol

it is some bs that i can't get help. i can tell my man ANYTHING tho. he helps me so much. i've loved him for many years but there are different kinds of love. he knows it's not the same for me and he understands. he's amazing too. he doesn't judge me and wants to help me in all possible ways. he will definately be the best father to my children. the best husband. he's always been my best friend. =)

 

[291]

Some natural fears there but given your history I'd consider talking to someone as you have suffered a lot of loss and grief.

Things come naturally with having a baby, the urge to hold them comes very naturally after birth, though if not, accept that it is normal for some women, it is best you share your fears with your midwife/doctor when the time comes.

 

[hardd2011]

You know I was just about to post a thread about this. Well this cycle I dont think I ovulated because of an UTI and a yeast infection, had to take antibiotics for both. Pisses me off. Then I sit here and wonder can I actually conceive because I think birth controls messes up your body. So so many questions running through my head. But this cycle I am going to track with temping and using ovulation sticks. I hate not knowing things. I wish we was equipped with a fertile or infertile sign.

 

[MrsC10]

CAN I HAVE A CHILD

It took over a year for my cycles to return to some form of normality after coming off BCP. We've been trying for 2 years and temping has highlighted I have a short LP. BC can really much things up with your natural hormon production
To check if you're ovulating, start temping and using OPKs. Both with highlight if you're ovulating and if you have a long/short LP. You can then take action on these if they are an issue.

In essence - YES! You can have a child. Think postive.

I'M ADOPTED

I can see how this could be a worry to you but honestly, there's nothing that you can do to find out the information you seek. Easier than it sounds, but try not to stress about it. Worrying about the 'what ifs' will be causing stress which can affect your cycles.
I'm afraid that with this situation, you'll need to cross medical issues as you come to them. If you, stand tall and carry on. If not, there was no need to worry


I WAS BORN PREMATURE

Each pregnancy is different. There's nothing to say that your child will have any form of defects or medical issues. Even if your family is the healthiest on earth, you can still have a baby with medical issues. When it comes to pregnancy, anything can happen.


WHAT IF I'M NOT A GOOD MOTHER?

I ask myself this question all the time. I've not had contact with a lot of babies, like yourself, and find the idea of being a mother and looking after my own child terrifying. But I know that when I'm presented with the situation...I'll have to sink or swim.

WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE MY CHILD?

Another question I ask regularly. I often worry that we won't bond or I'll just not be interested in making the effort. Again, you'll never know until it happens.

JOB

It sounds like you're sorted financially so why should it matter to anyone else whether you are employed or not? If you're both happy with the situation you are in the moment, it's not up to anyone else to say what you should or shouldn't do.


Big hugs lady and good on you for starting this thread

 

[tatsNflowers]

thank you guys so much! it's great to know i'm not alone in thinking all these things. now i'm not worried at all. i need to think positive. and probably seek counseling somehow, somewhere. i appreciate all of you! thanks for taking the time to read and make me feel so much better!