Think I’m going insane

[twinklestar25]

We’ve been a little lax with contraception- using the pull out ‘method’ but I’ve just let him do it as I think subconsciously I wouldn’t mind a slip up 3rd baby too much. I think I want a 3rd but don’t or can’t consciously make that decision to go ahead and ttc as I’m scared of it all going wrong and turning out to be a bad decision for our family and it been my fault. Plus do says he really doesn’t want another but when faced with an oopsie is so calm and accepting about it!

Anyway anytime we use the pull out ‘method’ near to ov I start thinking about potentially been pregnant. This particular month I thought he slipped up, TMI-it was dark and couldn’t see where the goods had gone after he pulled out, so my mind has been a little in overdrive.

I tried not to think about it too much, we were at Center Parcs last week and all the Christmas stuff my mind has been mostly occupied, but I’ve been having (unless it’s all in my head, which is seeming more likely as I approach af been due) some questionable symptoms.
I’ve had loads of cramping on and off, pinching feelings etc, tmi- very wet since yesterday (af is due fri, today is weds) lots of burping, waves of tiredness. I ran out Boxing Day twice to get pregnancy tests...

So far I have had a questionable ‘line’ but think it was prob an indentation line with heaedays fmu, all others compleatly negative so far.

I’ve had mixed emotions since thinking I could genuinely be pregnant, first I was really scared, panic but then made a plan in my head of how we would create space in the house, work situation, holiday that’s booked next yr etc and started to feel better about it, even to the point that I feel abit miffed it might turn out to be neg now.

This is not the first time I’ve gone through this cycle, although this month has been worse.
So as you can see I’m driving myself compleatly mental with it all. I dont know what to do, I’m thinking it’s probanly best to get some longer term contraception.
I would like a 3rd (obvs) but I’m so worried about it been too much - too stressful, too expensive, we’re still paying off our wedding from the summer, not enough space, harder to have holidays etc we all know the list I’m sure. It feels quite selfish of me to want it, I suppose if it happened ‘by accident’ then if it turns out really hard then it’s not my fault as I didn’t plan for it to happen. (Although I know if I really really didn’t want anything to happen I/we would be more careful with contraception) our other two were planned and always managed with contraception before fine.

So yes it seems I’m going loopy...

 

[happycupcake]

Firstly, could you post a photo of your test?

Regarding timing and stuff, I don't think there's a perfect time to have a baby. It seems like you're both on the fence, you don't want to make an actual decision either way but the fact is you both wouldn't be opposed to having a surprise, so it shouldn't be any different to a properly planned pregnancy. You both know you're not taking proper precautions and you're both happy with this. It's just like you don't want to actually voice the fact you both would love to have another. Perhaps that's because you would have to figure out a few things to accommodate another child and this won't be easy, but it isn't easy anyway.
Our daughter wasn't planned, we'd only just had our son weeks before and then found out we were expecting our daughter. I went through a load of different emotions, from extremely anxious and worried and unsure if we should go ahead, to happy and content with the idea. It took a while for my mind to stick to anything. Having her and then having my DSS come to live with us permanently (which wasn't planned, his mother passed away unexpectedly), meant we had to move home to accommodate everyone as our house was far too small for all of us and our youngest two couldn't stay in our bedroom forever.
I think with regards to things like holidays, these are minor things. Lots of people wouldn't be bothered about going without a holiday for a while in exchange for having a baby. I think you have to weigh up what means more to you two, and all the other stuff that everyone worries about will fall into place. It always does, because you make it happen. Whether a baby is unplanned or otherwise. Many of the most planned of children launch you into panic because you tend to get swept away with the idea of having another being a bed of roses, ignoring the things that may be hard. But it doesn't really matter, if you know you can in some way provide a happy home and security for another child then what does it matter? Who cares if some of it will require some thinking through and some adjusting, if another is what you really want, which it clearly is.
I think a good chat with your OH is in order to really know what you both want. I didn't think in a million years my husband wanted any more children but last year he told me he did, after we had a slip up and we thought we were expecting (we weren't, but it made something click in his mind and he said he wanted us to try for another). If your OH doesn't know you suspect you may be pregnant perhaps tell him and see how he feels about the idea. And then ask him how he would feel if it turns out you're not pregnant, and go from there. He may surprise you and say he would love to plan another child instead of kind of teetering on the edge of maybe maybe not, if that makes sense. He may think you don't want another, I really think you have to have a chat together and tell him how you feel

 

[twinklestar25]

Thanks very much for your detailed helpful
Reply. I’m at work at the moment so unable to post the test pic, I didn’t actually take a pic but sure I could dig it out again lol. We’ve been back and forth talking for a long time, he knows I think I could be preg and he’s really cool
About it, says we will deal with it. I haven’t thought to ask
How he would feel if I’m not. Will talk to him again tonight. It’s so hard! Thanks again x

 

[happycupcake]

It is if you don't know whether you're on the same page. I think if he would be happy if it happened, then he'd probably be disappointed if it doesn't. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that situation until you're in it, it was only because my husband and I found ourselves in that situation that he realised how much he would want another and I didn't really think I wanted anymore. I thought I'd be fine if it happened but wasn't bothered about actually trying, until that happened.
I hope you're able to talk about things and come to some kind of agreement that suits you both. But don't worry about the ifs and buts as those are always overcome if a new life finds itself into the world x