think i want to give my baby up

[Lexi_jaine]

I've come over from the Teen pregnancy section (suggested by a member there)

i'm 17 and currently seriously considering giving my baby up for adoption.
I have already made an appointment at a youth health centre to talk about my options and get as much info as i can get.

I really don't think i am ready to be a mum, my other half really does want this baby, and after the initial shock of finding out i was pregnant i put on a happy face for him and pretended to him and his family that i was happy too.

I find that i can't pretend anymore, i had so many life goals and they didn't include a baby just yet.

Financially my partner and i CAN afford a baby, but emotionally, i am far from ready.

I've considered having the baby and leaving it with him and disappearing, but can't stomach the idea of leaving OH. but at the same time i don't want to break his heart by giving the baby up for adoption without his blessing either (although im not sure i legally could anyway)

I have spoken to him about my feelings, and was shocked that although he was upset he remained calm and rational about it all, but made his feelings on wanting this baby extremely clear

i know that although i can provide anything my baby will need materially, i honestly don't think i can emotionally at this time and know that there are a lot of older couples out there desperate for a baby and i may be able to give them their only chance of becoming the parents they want to be.

Adoption in Australia is a pretty rare thing these days, so theres not many people i know of who i can turn to who have made the decision to give their baby up.

sorry for rambling, just rather confused right now

 

[thursday]

I know it's a big decision. I had planned on giving my baby up for adoption the moment I found out I was pregnant. I've recently changed my mind but I know that I sometimes can't help but wonder if giving him up would be the best for both of us.

If you're not ready to be a mother, don't let anyone's feelings or your own guilt force you into parenthood! If you truly believe that you and baby would be better that way, then adoption is the route you should take. It's hard trying to factor your OH's feelings into the situation but at the end of the day, you need to worry about yourself and your baby before your OH.

And I don't know the laws in Australia, but in the US a lot of people are doing open adoptions. That may be something to consider. Your OH can have some involvement (typically e-mail updates and pictures) with the baby through the adoptive parents. Make sure to get as much info as you can from the youth health center and try talking to a few different adoption agencies just to figure out your rights, OH's rights, and the way the whole process works. And if you don't decide to go through with the adoption, the adoption centers are very understanding and won't harrass you. At least, none of the three I talked with.

 

[lucy_x]

i think you may need his permission to do that hun, if he really wants this baby you may end up loosing them both.

Really it sounds to me like you have already made up ypur mind and you want to do this, you need to do what is best for you, dont let your desision be swayed by your OH.

 

[Lexi_jaine]

yeah i figured that, i haven't made up my mind yet, but i am leaning more towards not keeping the baby, my other half is coming with me to my counsellor appointment, so will see how that goes

 

[lynne192]

really hope things get better and more clearer for you soon hun, i know it must be hard for you, i got pregnant at 17 but was planned many times since he was born i wonder if he'd be better off without me but although he is hell on earth i couldn't be without him the moment he was in my arms even for the 5seconds (he was premmie) all that went away, all the immaturity and emotional stuff just bom gone lol i really hope that you get the help and support you need and not pushed either way too much i hope things work out for the best

 

[CourtneyD]

Have you considered an open adoption? I'm not sure how private adoption works on an international level but you may want to consider it if you're having trouble finding a family you like in AUS. Many thoughts and well wishes your way. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to email or message me.

Best of luck,
Courtney

 

[Guppy051708]

as a married woman (and a new mother), i think most EVERYONE feels the way you do, no matter young or old. DH and I TTC and got pregnant right away. Then we MCed and and tried again. Got pregnant and let me tell you, even though i have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom (im 22) i will still scared shitless to be a mother. So yes, you are young, but maybe these feelings you are having is more that of a natural emotion towards being a first time mom. Maybe you are more ready than you think? Sounds like you have a wonderful support system, especially with such a caring and helpful man in your life. What you are feeling is normal. No matter how much i wanted my baby, i was still afraid i was never going to be ready. Honestly, if you wait until the perfect time, no matter how old you are, it will never be the perfect time. If, after considering that your emotions towards the unknown as a new parent is normal, and you're still not ready, then think about adoption (personally open adoption would probably be wonderfu, but do consider that maybe, just maybe these feelings of yours are normal and that you'd probably have them even if you were older. Plus, i do want you to know that i have 3 sisters. All had their first baby between 16-19 years of age, and they do not regrete one minute of being that babys mama. You may find that your child is the best thing to happen to you. Either way, do whats best for your baby first. Whether you decide to put your baby up for adoption, you should still put your child's needs before yours. There is nothing wrong with adoption so as long as you make the best decision you know how but do remember everyone feels this way

 

[Phantom]

I just want to say, good for you for considering it openly. So many people here look down on those who consider adoption. Really its the most unselfish thing anyone can ever do. I have 3 adopted cousins and if I could, I would thank their mothers for being so loving. It's not only loving for your child by wanting the best for them, its loving for a couple that wants a child more than anything. So don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Whatever you decide, I hope everything works out for you and baby.

 

[Guppy051708]

sorry this isn't related, but @ Phantom, how did you get that cute adorable baby to wink in your siggy!

 

[tagisit11487]

I considered it as well. You have to do what you think is right, and ONLY you.

 

[Praying 4 bby]

Do you know if you will be keeping your baby or placing him/her for adoption?

 

[Groovychick]

Any news hun?

 

[Guppy051708]

^ Was wondering the same

 

[daniellelisa]

Hey Lexi...
I have adopted 2 beautiful little girls, I was unable to concieve and without adoption I would not be a mum. I can't tell you what is right or wrong honey but I feel councelling is the best way forward. You need to comminucate constantly with your man, he needs to know how you feel and you need to know how he feels but at the end of the day you both need to do what is best for the baby. Hang in there..xxoo

 

[kodi]

i considered this as i too was youngish and had so many plans, i didnt go through with it and i'm glad because the moment i held my daughter i fell in love with her.

i do believe everyone has the same feelings you do, but alot regret the decision once they hold that baby, that said you may be different to me, as alot of people are and go with your head and not let your heart rule like i did..

good luck xxx

 

[QuintinsMommy]

how are things going?

 

[baby luv]

i cant believe what im hearing here of course it is up to to her if she wants to give her baby up for adoption but she is in a relationship with a man who wants the baby so she has to consider what he wants also he has to have a voice here she didn't create this baby on her own and by the sounds of things he is trying to be mature and understanding and support her through this so he must have a say in this. is there any chance that either your family or his family will take care of your baby for you but please make sure ur b/friend has a choice in this matter it is his baby also.

 

[Hotbump]

imo well i got pregnant at 17 and had those feelings too but once i held my baby boy they all went away. Maybe you could wait until the baby is born and then decide with your OH TOGETHER what is the best decision for the BOTH. Good luck

 

[delicious]

I don't know if you will read this post. I thought that you were very brave to talk about this openly; for me, it's a sign of maturity.

I was 20 when I had my first baby. It's not that much further down the lane as 17, though I don't consider it was a teen pregnancy.
I "graduated" (France: baccalauréat) with a big bump (there were two other pregnant girls in the exam room) and completed my driver's licence 6 months after the birth.
I didn't really have any other "goals" than that. Once my baby was here, I didn't want to go to university (the French baccalauréat is equivalent to 1 year of US university anyway). I just wanted to be a mom.

I would really love to know what you decided after all (if you have decided already).


For others: unfortunately, she might not show up again in this forum: https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/519190-not-comnfortable-here-anymore.html
It's a shame we lost you

 

[syntaxerror]

i cant believe what im hearing here of course it is up to to her if she wants to give her baby up for adoption but she is in a relationship with a man who wants the baby so she has to consider what he wants also he has to have a voice here she didn't create this baby on her own and by the sounds of things he is trying to be mature and understanding and support her through this so he must have a say in this. is there any chance that either your family or his family will take care of your baby for you but please make sure ur b/friend has a choice in this matter it is his baby also.

This. If she doesn't want to mother the baby, that's her decision, 100% -- but the baby is half HIS too and if he wants his baby...surely he has some right to his little son or daughter?