Thinking about IVF and Donor Egg question??

[Garnet]

Ladies,
The husband and I are in prelimary talks about IVF. When I visted the RE last June he said that at my age 43, that I would have to use a donor egg. Is anyone in there 40's thinking of IVF and are they using their own eggs or donor eggs. There was another poster who was in her early 40's and she said that she used her own eggs and they had the eggs tested before implantation. She said that the RE told her that at our age that only 1 in 5 eggs are good. I don't know if it is true that at my age I woud have to use a donor egg. Anybody else or anybody you know use donor eggs? Can you select a baby from a donor that similar to your race?? Just wondering??

 

[Indigo77]

Can you select a baby from a donor that similar to your race?

Yes u can, but why is this important?

The clinic I was looking into uses donor eggs if you are over 41.

Different clinics have different protocols. Success rates are important to them.

 

[dachsundmom]

The little I know of donor eggs is that it's just like donor sperm; you can select from someone that shares your physical traits.

 

[Garnet]

I'm part Asian and my husband is Caucasian. I would like the kids to kinda look look related. My children all have caucasian coloring and yet have asian traits. I'm not trying to offend anyone just wondering. My daughter actually has honey red hair and blue eyes but has almond eyes.

 

[Indigo77]

Most clinics will give you a description of all their physical traits, their race, medical history, etc..
Some will even give you their ACT scores.
Some will even include a picture.
It depends on the clinic.
Are you in FL and r u near a university?

 

[dachsundmom]

Garnet, this question might be better suited for the Assisted Conception forum.

 

[crystal443]

We had to discuss donating our eggs or embryos when we had our psycologist(sp?) appointment and I know its different where you are but if we decided to donate our eggs or embryos we can help choose or approve who gets them. We also have the right to follow the pregnancy and find out if there's a birth etc. We can't just call the pregnant lady up but we can follow her through the clinic. Just make sure you ask your clinic about their rules because it really differs between clinics.

 

[Garnet]

Garnet, this question might be better suited for the Assisted Conception forum.

I thought about that but I didn't know if there would be any 40+ in the group doing IVF..

 

[Garnet]

Most clinics will give you a description of all their physical traits, their race, medical history, etc..
Some will even give you their ACT scores.
Some will even include a picture.
It depends on the clinic.
Are you in FL and r u near a university?

No, Coastal Virginia and there is a University medical school. Is that where I could get more info...

 

[Indigo77]

If you are near a university, many of the donors will be college students and the donor programs are usually more established and will have more data for donor egg seekers....

If it is a medical university....even better...

 

[readyformore]

Ladies,
The husband and I are in prelimary talks about IVF. When I visted the RE last June he said that at my age 43, that I would have to use a donor egg. Is anyone in there 40's thinking of IVF and are they using their own eggs or donor eggs. There was another poster who was in her early 40's and she said that she used her own eggs and they had the eggs tested before implantation. She said that the RE told her that at our age that only 1 in 5 eggs are good. I don't know if it is true that at my age I woud have to use a donor egg. Anybody else or anybody you know use donor eggs? Can you select a baby from a donor that similar to your race?? Just wondering??

Hi Garnet!
I have a very close friend that used an egg donor (she was 31 and had a genetic issue that prevented her from using her own eggs).

She had to do quite a bit of research. The program in the state we live had a very long waiting list (2 years), so she went out of state (Virginia, I think it was 9 months). She had binders of info listing everything under the sun about the donor. Seriously, it was at least an inch thick of information. I remember at one point, my friend said that she didn't know that much information about herself, lol.

She also felt that she would like to have a baby that looked similar to herself. For example, I know that she didn't exclude donors due soley to physical characteristics, but it was a considering factor. She shied away from a woman that was 6'2" and weighed 300#. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but she and her husband are both short and slim, lol.

She choose a donor that had an Italian background. She has zero Italian in her, but this particular donor had an OUTSTANDING success rate. Basically, all of her eggs had resulted in a successful pregnancy the first try. This didn't happen for my friend, it took her 2 tries. But, I have to say, that her son looks oddly just like her. I mention it to her all of the time because I'm floored by the outcome!

Good luck!

 

[Garnet]

Thank you Readyformore. That is the story I was looking for. I'm not trying to create a designer baby but would like to have child that would look similar to my children. I would hate the baby to feel like she or he doesn't feel like like they are part of our family.
I have a friend who always felt out of place because her mother had an affair with an Italian gentleman and she never felt like she was part of the family because she had strong dark italian features while the biological children all were fair haired and blue eyes. She said she was always teased and picked on by her siblings and people at school. I always keep it in the back of my mine because of her sadness.

 

[dachsundmom]

Thank you Readyformore. That is the story I was looking for. I'm not trying to create a designer baby but would like to have child that would look similar to my children. I would hate the baby to feel like she or he doesn't feel like like they are part of our family.
I have a friend who always felt out of place because her mother had an affair with an Italian gentleman and she never felt like she was part of the family because she had strong dark italian features while the biological children all were fair haired and blue eyes. She said she was always teased and picked on by her siblings and people at school. I always keep it in the back of my mine because of her sadness.

Garnet, just let me throw this out there...my DH and I have been discussing IVF as well; I am Asian and he is a red head...poor kids! But I am adopted, I don't look like anyone in my family. Maybe your friend doesn't feel like she fit in her family bc of the affair and how she looked just heightened the emotions? I can honestly tell you that I never doubted my place in my family.

 

[Garnet]

Thank you Readyformore. That is the story I was looking for. I'm not trying to create a designer baby but would like to have child that would look similar to my children. I would hate the baby to feel like she or he doesn't feel like like they are part of our family.
I have a friend who always felt out of place because her mother had an affair with an Italian gentleman and she never felt like she was part of the family because she had strong dark italian features while the biological children all were fair haired and blue eyes. She said she was always teased and picked on by her siblings and people at school. I always keep it in the back of my mine because of her sadness.

Garnet, just let me throw this out there...my DH and I have been discussing IVF as well; I am Asian and he is a red head...poor kids! But I am adopted, I don't look like anyone in my family. Maybe your friend doesn't feel like she fit in her family bc of the affair and how she looked just heightened the emotions? I can honestly tell you that I never doubted my place in my family.

It is a possibility but the kids didn't know about the affair until they were older. She would show me family pictures and everyone looked alike and she said she stood out like a sore thumb. About your husband being a redhead and you being asian, my daughter is beautiful little strawberry golden redhead. Women always come up to us and tell us that women would die for that color hair. I'm on half asian so we are not quite sure where the redhead came from. My other children were blonde and green eyes. When people ask us where the red hair came from we joke and say the she is the mailman's child...

 

[dachsundmom]

I think if you can already joke about the red hair and your child takes it with the love that's intended, you have already answered your own concerns! I hope you choose whatever is best for your family, but looks don't count as much as what's in your heart.

 

[LLbean]

ok sorry I am jumping in late here...why are they asking you to use donors again? I am 41 and using my own.

 

[Garnet]

Well in June, I went to the smaller fertility clinic that our insurance covers. They do most tests like hormonal, ultrasound, clomid, semen analysis but don't extend into the genetic relm. They usually referral for that to a full service clinic. Well the first time I saw the Dr and she was female and head of the clinic. She was willing to do all the tests she could for me. Well when I went back to the follow up visit she was away at a conference and I saw a grumpy old get out of my face, you are wasting my time Doctor. He said that all my tests came out fine and it was more than likely my eggs. He also prescribed me progestrone but didn't bother to check my progestone levels. He said if I went forward with doing IVF the clinics in this area would more than likely because I'm 43 and they would use donor eggs and my husband sperm then IVF. Sorry so long. That is where I got confused because one of the ladies on this forum is 43 or 44 also used her own eggs. They just tested her eggs. I don't know if the Doctor was just being a negitive about it or he was telling the truth. I'm thinking I should call the first lady Doctor because she gave me her card and ask her to review the results again.

 

[LLbean]

I think my place would do your own eggs if they are viable...https://rba-online.com/ivf/index.php

 

[StarSign]

Well in June, I went to the smaller fertility clinic that our insurance covers. They do most tests like hormonal, ultrasound, clomid, semen analysis but don't extend into the genetic relm. They usually referral for that to a full service clinic. Well the first time I saw the Dr and she was female and head of the clinic. She was willing to do all the tests she could for me. Well when I went back to the follow up visit she was away at a conference and I saw a grumpy old get out of my face, you are wasting my time Doctor. He said that all my tests came out fine and it was more than likely my eggs. He also prescribed me progestrone but didn't bother to check my progestone levels. He said if I went forward with doing IVF the clinics in this area would more than likely because I'm 43 and they would use donor eggs and my husband sperm then IVF. Sorry so long. That is where I got confused because one of the ladies on this forum is 43 or 44 also used her own eggs. They just tested her eggs. I don't know if the Doctor was just being a negitive about it or he was telling the truth. I'm thinking I should call the first lady Doctor because she gave me her card and ask her to review the results again.

what a grumpy old fart!!! The beside manner of some docs is appalling. Oh well, there's karma. Anyways, have you already tried to per se improve the health of your eggs? I hear that Royal Jelly is good (but usually good for those with lower estrogen and no honey allergies) or maybe just acupressure/massage. Check this out: https://natural-fertility-info.com/increase-egg-health GL!
EDIT: They have a video on that site too.

 

[sarahincanada]

I will ask my FS when I next see her about their policy about eggs as it seems theres differing 'cut off' ages. Im 39 in a month and so thats not much time if I want to carry a couple of kids arrgghhhhhhhhh!

if I were to have a donor egg I would also try to get someone with physical attributes as me to mix with hubbies sperm. However I do want to adopt when in my 40's and actually quite like the idea of a baby from a different race or culture. I have heard of children who dont look like their family having problems (saw one case on intervention, he was a drug addict and they showed him arriving from india as a boy) but I hope thats rare and we can bring them up to know the looks/skin colour dont matter.

good luck Garnet ..when are you planning on starting ivf?